Hello there! If you're reading this, you're probably insane. And chances are, I know that and am oddly fascinated by it. But please, keep in mind that I just babble in my little 'diary' and though its out here to be read, I don't want anyone to be offended by the things contained herein. So, if you choose to scroll down and read... don't hate Pheenie for her mental vomit.
Proceed At Your Own Risk
8/31/2008
Hiatus
Josie is taking a little break from blogging. Mostly to spend more quality time on Misadventures! and my novel(s). Oh! And of course, something new.
In Josie-news, however, we've been in our new apartment for just about three months now and the place is so lovely. Er- the apartment itself, not anything we've done to it. Our decor is even MORE limited than it was in the old place and we're a little tighter on cash so nothing fun and new is being purchased to adorn it.
Things are pretty rosy over all. And we're thinking about picking up Warhammer Online when it is released later on in September. Woo.
Love & Hugs!
So sayeth Pheenie @ 12:27:00 PM ( 0 comments )
6/08/2008
Moving Day
So wow.
It happened so quickly I never even got to blog about it and suddenly *poof* it was upon us. Moving Day.
Sadly, not to WA, but its 30 minutes West(ish) of here, so its a baby-step closer.
I may not be able to keep my job if our new client won't allow a telecommuter. Which sucks. But for now I am still working at the same awesome place with the same awesome people. Pray a little for me. Cross your fingers. Whatever it takes. I would really love to stay with this company.
Anyway...
We're really excited about this new apartment and the countdown to Washington (11 months & counting). If only I weren't so exhausted I'd stick around and write about it.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 4:56:00 PM ( 0 comments )
5/17/2008
Avatardiness Continues
I've just been having TOO much fun making Avatards lately. So I made a smoochie one of Mark & I yesterday.
And as if that weren't cute enough, while I was considering how to go about doing my sweet Timothy & Emy and Miss Judy as well, my friend/boss/guildmaster Abbie gave me a great idea.
So below you will find stick-figure interpretations of Abbie (blond ponytail & wasabi peas in a can), Kirk (the striped polo shirt was HARD) and Isaac (with hair and without, but a nifty cape!). I hope they're not offended, because I had a fun hour or so this evening dinking around to make 'em.
Woot!
So sayeth Pheenie @ 12:39:00 AM ( 0 comments )
5/12/2008
Introducing - The Avatard!
Or did I already pull that bit here?
I know I did on my quickie MySpace entry a few days ago. Hmm. Well, anyway. I've been doodling around trying to replicate the OOTS-style for awhile and finally I found a nifty guide to doing it and now I'm having WAY too much fun making little stick figures. I am calling myself The Avatard. Why? Hah! A better query would be, friend - Why NOT?!
Anyway. Its time. For my own birthday present I made a new Avatard. Her name is Nubby the Magistrix and her familiar, a grumbly pet rock named Marx.
Tee-hee.
I turned 28 today. That kinda sucks. I don't really enjoy getting older and still feeling like I'm twenty-ish. I'm not moving forward in my life, but at least I am happy.
And I made a cute Avatard with luscious red hair, dazzling raspberry skirts and big Jem-style star earrings.
Oh yeah, its coming-
"Showtime, Synergy!"
Sidenote: The first of my Avatard creations was Pinky. Here's her description from the MySpace entry:
I am not claiming my very first little avatar to be Art (and with her OOTS-inspired stick-figureness she's certainly not Photography) but I am uploading her because its cute.
If you have not ever read Order of the Stick, and you like Web Comics, you should click Here! and read from the beginning. Now, its admittedly got a lot of DnD jokes (especially at the start) but the story is funny, touching, intriguing and exciting all at the same time.
So I was bored this morning and I've always wanted to make my own little OOTS avatar. So I looked up a tutorial and I did it. And now - I have little Pinky, my first attempt, displayed oh-so-proudly.
Pinky is a tavern wench from the Green Ghost Saloon in the city-state of Brandywine. At the age of 17, having been groped and practically assaulted everyday since her boobs started to show four years ago, Pinky made a momentous decision - to be come an adventurer. Now, she had no skills to speak of, excluding her waitressing and gropey-hand-slapping techniques, so it is likely to be a difficult road for her. Still, she has armed herself with a beautiful, masterwork short short her Father took from a drunk to cover the damages his inebriated rampage causes, and is ready for the excitement of an Adventurer's Life.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 2:32:00 PM ( 0 comments )
5/09/2008
Interlude
Its rare in the world of Josie that silence means something good. In this case, however, it does.
Mark and I are both working again (Hallelujah!). M did eventually call me and graciously invite me back. I've been at a new desk on the same team and enjoying it thoroughly for three weeks now. Mark's enjoying his courier position as well and so that's good.
Because he drives at night and I work all day - we would rarely see each other these days. At least, that would be the case if I didn't ride along with him almost every night. I swear, I haven't been home for more than 20 minutes in the morning and an hour between my job and his in three weeks!
Exaggeration, of course. There have been a few days, but not many. Eek!
Anyway - for the moment things are Golden.
And for a little amusement, this is also, Golden
So sayeth Pheenie @ 11:40:00 PM ( 0 comments )
4/09/2008
And the beat goes on...
That's really all there is to say.
Just keep puttering along, waiting for M. to call and say, "Josaphina, you're hired!". Well, I did the drug screen and filled-out all the paperwork for background checks and whatnot, so I should hear soon - I just got a chuckle out of the way someone spelled my name on the envelope. Josaphina. Aww.
I'm so beyond ready to get back to work. Part of me wishes I had accepted the job with P.A.I. because I'd be working right NOW. I'd be showered and dressed in my nicest (hah) clothes and learning the ropes instead of sitting here blogging in my pajamas with my unwashed hair and my nigh-empty water bottle in my lap.
I'm excited to work again. To be able to pay my damn bills, get my cell account un-suspended, keep the lights on, maybe even salvage the internet. And of course, rent. Our landlady is an angel, she truly is!
I read an article recently about a guy who was fired from his job at CNN due to his blog. I used to read his stuff occasionally, thanks to a link from Pajiba, and was really surprised to find out what had happened. Its weird to think that we could end up fired due to a simple "journal" or whatnot, but blogs are so much more than online diaries, and have been for years. But in the early days, that's what they were. Online diaries, the kind that we didn't have to hide from our little sisters and brothers because they were out there, on the web, and public. Strange to think once upon a time, I hid a key in an old shoe in the back of my closet, and here, twenty (oh GOD...twenty?!?!) years later, I'm hitting publish so anyone in the entire world could read it.
Tsk.
What was the point?
Oh yes. I want to work.
And then, I want to move back to Eburg.
Not neccessarily in that order - so if anyone wants to donate gas money to a needy Josie, you know where to find me! Just kidding. Sort of. *ahem*
So sayeth Pheenie @ 11:46:00 AM ( 0 comments )
3/16/2008
Hypnotherapy
So, we're off-the-road temporarily. You'd know this if you spoke to us or if you read the blog I linked to below. We're scheduled to start again this up-coming Friday (3/22) and I'm pretty excited.
Yikes, I cannot believe it is March already. I cannot believe my little sister is Mrs. B and they adopted a kitten (Hi little Jase!) and they own their own home. How did I get so far behind in the rat race? Hmm.
C'est la vie.
Mark and I are playing LOTRO again and it is such a timesink. But, I have also been writing and I think some of the stuff I'm getting down is pretty good. I promise to share some of the goodies once I'm satisfied with them.
I have also been formulating two new ideas and I'm kinda psyched about them. I can't spill the beans yet (and frankly, since no one's reading this there's little danger of spoiling it, I shouldn't be so secretive) but I think this one is a serious winner!
Now, if only we had won the 275 million dollar lotto drawing last night, lol. I could retire from Trucking before I even start and write full-time.
Who am I kidding? I'd LOTRO part-time too :P
So sayeth Pheenie @ 9:50:00 AM ( 0 comments )
3/02/2008
On the road again....
...just can't wait to get on the road again.
Big announcement time. Mark and I are in trucking school at Schneider and we are going OTR (over the road) as truck drivers. No really. I'm serious. I am typing this brief update from the HOJO hotel room at 4:35 right before I jump in the shower and we head up to the STA for Day Two of our 14-day intensive driving academy.
You can totally read our "In it for the longhaul" blog if you want updates about driving. Its at: http://lourandgrey.blogspot.com.
Gotta get going. Wish us luck!
So sayeth Pheenie @ 4:34:00 AM ( 0 comments )
1/30/2008
Just a Quickie!
*giggle*
Okay, maturity-factor, ACTIVATE!
This is just a brief post with little new to report. Mark and I are working on something NEW and BIG and incredibly exciting for us. I'll definitely post more in my happy little journal as soon as things are more "set in stone". We started a blog about it, but its not public yet - just recording our experiences in the process for posterity.
Anyway, love and joy to everyone!
I'm still alive!
So sayeth Pheenie @ 2:28:00 PM ( 0 comments )
1/13/2008
Belated Milestone
I don't recall if I celebrated at all, probably not considered the pallor over the holidays, but on 12/23, Solitary-Confinement turned... um... four? Yeah, four years old. I have a baby that's almost school-age! Ack! And too bad its a drooling, messy, illiterate little bastard. *wink* I jest, I jest. My domain isn't so bad. Its comparitively clean and the low-traffic really keeps out the pests and pesky spammers.
Additionally, a few posts ago, I apparently hit 200 posts in this blog. That's nothing special, I suppose. My previous, retired personal blog (Mad Ravings & Bad Cravings, ugh) had nearly 400 posts in the course of a year-and-a-half. Crazy.
Anyhoo, Happy Birthday, Solitary-Confinement.com! And happy 200 posts... about nothing... Oh my gosh, I'm the Seinfeld of Bloggerdom, only less universally liked ('cept by me) and way way less lucrative!
So.
I do enjoy being able to access the 'net at work. I finally have one of those jobs that I always envied. I hope I can keep working here once the assignment is done, but I won't hold my breath. I really enjoy the people and the work is actually kinda- well, I won't say fun because afterall it is work - but it is definitely not terrible (so far!). Helping folks is always something that gives me a warm fuzzy. Yes, I'm a silly nerd. Deal.
Its strange to me though, how much I do enjoy helping people, and yet my experience in the Customer Service field has really left me with a general dislike for humanity. Funny. I think its the part of me that wants to (and enjoys) helping people that is considering going into Nursing. Its the part of me that genuinely dislikes people which wants me to... not. Which makes me afraid to try.
I want to rant about being densensitized at some point - which will lead me to more thoughts about a career choice, but I don't feel like it now. Someone take a note and remind me later, right? *crickets* S-somebody? *echoes pathetically in the emptiness* Please? ...
I still think that I'll finish my degree as an English major. Why not? And even though I don't get off on archaic literature the way I am apparently supposed to, at least I still get off on literature and the language itself. I should have majored in linguistics, I suppose. I wonder if its too late? I don't even know if that's a legitimate program. I just know that I love the English language and I adore learning languages. If I had started younger, I'd be so completely multi-lingual... I know it.
Among my present goals in life are continuing to learn Japanese. Learning to speak Spanish as fluently as possible. Possibly studying Chinese or Korean or something.
Moving on.
I am jonesin' for the Burg though. I know, I know, I am not the sort of chick who can pull off the term "jonesin'", but nonetheless, I am jonesin' for home. Its really getting to be worse than an obsession. Its a constant pain. Its practically all I think about. And the only thing, other than food - naturally, that really makes me smile right now is the thought of the kittens we're trying to adopt. Sweet little furry things. Aww.
I'm not saying I'm unhappy. I love Mark as much today as ever. Rough patches and money troubles aside, I love him. But I want to be back in Ellensburg. I miss my Mom so much that sometimes, I feel like I can't breathe. Every day that I'm 3000 miles away from her, I worry. She came through the whole event just as good as new, and it was miraculous. But I worry that next time, maybe she won't. And I won't be there. I don't believe in regrets, but every single day that I am not back home, I sort of.. rue? Er... Well, I just, ugh! I'm such a Mama's Girl.
I wasn't while I was growing up. We got along alright, Mom and I, but we weren't super-tight. Evie was Mom's little one and I was a Daddy's Girl. His miracle baby. But once it was just Mom and I, roomies and whatnot, we got to be really close. And I miss her.
Yeah, so if anyone wants to donate gas money for the eventual move to WA, let me know. LOL. Is soliticing sympathy and gas money illegal? I hope not. *makes puppy dog eyes*
Its an expensive proposition and we're in NO financial position to be thinking about it. We're only just barely getting caught-up with our utility bills and we're still behind in rent (thank God for our angelic Landlady). So it feels like we'll never make it back there.
And with my obsessive nature, I'm chomping at the bit and getting depressed because I want it NOW, you know? Poor Mark. He's also very much angellic, putting up with my psychosis. I keep praying to win a little money in the lottery - not the whole jackpot, just a few grand so we can get everything paid off and still have the 2500 or so it'll cost us to move. Well, maybe even more than that, come to think of it. The moving truck will be at least 1600, with a dolly for my car, and then gas (at 3.15+ a gallon?!) will be 500-850, maybe more with that big truck. Plus, we'd have to have funds to put deposit and whatnot on an apartment. PLUS, we'd need jobs immediately. Which could be hard in Eburg. Ughhhhhh.
See now why its depressing?
What was my point?
Holy crap - I've been typing waaaay too long. I'm sorry. I'll end this asinine rant of mine. These things are why I always kinda hate personal blogs. But at least I can just... rant. If no one wants to read it, they're free to leave, right?
Right.
*leaves*
So sayeth Pheenie @ 11:12:00 AM ( 0 comments )
1/05/2008
Disembodied Giggles
Are, as you might imagine, rather frightening and eerie. That is one of the joys of working in a weird, demi-cube environment... on a Saturday... with only two other people in the entire department. I'm not sure what that fellow is watching or doing and chances are that I am better off not knowing. Nonetheless, I keep hearing these little giggles from somewhere off to my right...
In other news, 2008 is going to be an election year here in the good ol' Roman Emp- I mean, United States. One year from this very month, we will ignore the pomp and circumstance that plays as we annoint our newly elected Caes- President and his/her Vice President. Most of us will acknowledge that it happened only because we flipped past the blurb on our Yahoo!/GoogleNews/MSN or whatever homepage or because it was mentioned on the radio in between mourning over Britney Spears' apparently suicide attempt (C'mon, you know its coming. The girl needs HELP) and the vaguely offensive jokes that Shock Jocks around the country bandy about. The apathy will only subside if something spectacular happens - say, a "terrorist" attack - and then, only for as long as it takes our collectively ADD culture to move on to something far more fascinating like Bump-Watch '09 when we speculate over and over about whether Brangelina are bringing another beautiful, priviledged child into the world or if Jennifer Aniston is finally preggers, or whatever. Maybe by then pregnancy will be "soooo yesterday" and we'll be watching for something else scandalicious.
What was my point?
Oh yeah... we don't care about politics. Even when it directly concerns us.
Now, I have never been terribly politically minded, but as I get older, more and more things are becoming important to me. And politics are one of them. The fact that this backward, hate-mongering, bass-playing jackass won Iowa doesn't surprise me as much as it should. I really did think that America, as a weird hodge-podge collective, had made progress in the free-thinking freedom department. But apparently not. He's a front-runner. He could be the next President. And all I can say is WTF?
Then I read an article (which I'd link to, if I could find it) that says a recent survey found that 52% of Americans believe that mankind only showed up (as is, no evolution involved) a few thousand years ago. Now, I'm a fan of God, but not of the bible as literal truth. And I guess I'm naive, because I never really thought that aside from a few extremists, people honestly, truly BELIEVE that the Bible's series of events is the actual way things happened.
I mean... what?
And then this whole debate about teaching Creationism or even Intelligent Design instead of Evolution is ridiculous. For one thing, church and state are separate (or are SUPPOSED to be, Dubs, I'm looking at your stupid ass), so why would a public, state-funded school be teaching fucking Creationism anyway? Science and faith do not have to be opposing forces, they don't have to be enemies, but good God almighty... why bother having a Science class at all if you deny 1000s of years of data in favor of a barely-relevant, badly translated and re-translated story? We have theology and philosophy and whatnot for discussing the merits of the Bible and its truths. They don't belong in the science class.
And if you want to teach your children Creationism, then YOU do it. Not a public school. Jeez. My parents made sure that I understood their beliefs, they didn't rely on underpaid educators to do their job.
Wow. I'm off on a bitch-tangent that I didn't intend.
I do love God as I know Him. And I think there are some great morals and educational stories to be had in the Bible. I respect that people put more stock in it than I, and I also respect that there are millions of people on the planet who put their stock in 100s of other faiths. But damn... Hmm.
Anyway. The point might have been missed, but at least I got 22 minutes of my 9 hours here today killed.
I wonder if I'll get fired for ranting on the company's dime? Then again, those little disembodied giggles have not ceased.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 10:33:00 AM ( 0 comments )
1/02/2008
Blinded by the Light
Or maybe by the shadows. Its hard to say, really, what's what when you're blind. I know that the domains were down for awhile. Suffice it to say, when the host doesn't get their money, the hosting is suspended. Since I had no money for food or rent or even gas to get to a job interview or a job...hosting was unpaid for a bit. But we're back online and so, I shall be blogging again.
Now, I have spent a lot of time in the past month or so contemplating what I want to be when I grow up, because wow! its so far past time that I should have grown up that I don't even know how to describe it. Plus, that was a huge run-on wasn't it?
Anyway. I think that, were I single, foot-loose and fancy-free, I would love to fly around the world and get paid next-to-nothing to teach English as a Second Language to various non-English speakers. I would then be able to revel in the glories of foreign cultures, soak up languages naturalistically, and generally be "cool like that". Unfortunately, I am not single (though I maintain that I am in fact both footloose and fancy-free at all times) and since I'm not sure I could convince Mark to traverse the globe with me in search of linguistic joy... that option is pretty much dead.
I've considered going back to school to study, of all things non-Josie-like, nursing. With the copious amounts of time that I have spent in hospitals this year and the vast number of nursing jobs I came across in my search for meaningful employment (which has not ended, by the by), I've come to realize that Nursing is a growing and apparently fairly lucrative field. My main motivation, however, is knowing that as a Nurse, I would be useful to have around after the Zombie Apocolypse.
I love computers, but (as I am learning right this very minute) tech support is mind-numbing and frusterating and programming is above my head. So I shall stick to what I'm good at... breaking them and trial-and-erroring until they work again.
What else is there, for a Josie, in this crazy world? Writing, which is and always will be my first love (not romantical...but...well, okay a little bit romantic!), is not something to bank on despite the fact that our screenplay is a gem and my novel is awesome. I don't think I should be a teacher. I have very little faith in the whole public education system at this point. I cannot stand to be in these strange little CSR type jobs forever - the ones I've done for so many years now. And unless I move back to the 'Burg immediately, I won't ever make my dream "job" job a reality (and I can't move back before the 8th, lol).
Guidance and advice are being actively sought. If you have either for me, please let me know. The(dot)Josie(at)Yahoo(dot)whatever.
And now, I'm going to turn back to my laptop and get back to writing my novel...which I'm being paid to do since there's no actual WORK for us to day at work... Yay?
So sayeth Pheenie @ 11:30:00 AM ( 0 comments )
11/26/2007
Dismissive
You know how you blink, and suddenly months have passed - in movies, that is? The montage sequences that let hours, days, months, even years... pass by in a matter of moments?
Well, I could use one right now. But that's another (long) story and I'm too cold to get into it at the moment. I need to fix the overhead fan in this little room and get some window-hangings up to keep the warmth in. Anyway - the new layout is called Ebb & Flow and its version 10. I've done many more than 10 layouts for S-C.com since it first opened just about four years ago. But only 10 have been 'good' (and yes, I use the term loosely) enough to make it to the published stage.
Time really does flow quickly though. I swear its been a million years since I was in Washington, or since I was hospitalized - but its been months. And at the same time, I can't even begin to believe that its been five years-ish, since I saw Lenora last. Or worse, nearly eight since I saw Shannon. Its funny, but in a sad way.
I know, I am getting all melancholy, but I'm alone today for the first time in weeks and I don't like it much. Plus, I really miss Mom. And Tim. And Evie. And Emily. I want to go back to Washington so badly... and Mark's willing to come with me.
We just need money.
But then, who doesn't? *sigh*
So sayeth Pheenie @ 1:05:00 PM ( 0 comments )
10/12/2007
Out of the Clink
Well. I have experienced my first adult hospital stay and lived to tell the tale. I have SO vastly much more sympathy for my Mom's ordeal now that I've suffered through it myself. The humiliation of having strangers poking and prodding and washing and wiping. Being woken up every few hours of the night to have blood drawn or sugar tested or what have you. Its horrific.
I went to Holy Spirit because of a lost filling. No, its true. I lost a filling, it got infected, the prescribed drugs didn't work, couldn't get numbed so had to go under to have the tooth pulled, prescribed drugs still didn't work, infection got worse, went to emergency, got sent back to my oral surgeon who sent me back to the hospital where they operated to put two drains into the infected lump in my chin/jaw area, waited four days for the intraveinous drugs to work enough that they could remove them, spent another three days hating the hospital until I was released, came home. Ugh.
So I survived, no one need worry, but it was a terrible experience overall. When they un-intubated (pulled the breathing tube out of my NOSE) me, it was the worst thing EVER. Removing the tubes or the stitches or even the horrific catheter... none of that was a quarter as bad.
About 90% of the Nursing staff was awesome and made up for the yucky one or two I met. They really do have some of the most thankless work in the world. God love 'em, it must take a special person.
Anyway - just wanted to let the world (i.e. the one or two people who ever click here) know that I'm fine.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 7:10:00 AM ( 0 comments )
9/23/2007
You Learn Something New Every Day!
And today I learned my new thing super-early. Its 6:24 a.m. on Sunday and I've just read a great, weird article that I am going to share with you.
Nasty S*E*X Rituals
Don't panic, its about bugs. Crazy African Bat Bugs and their raunchy sex practices. Not only are they like all... pseudo-transsexuals (instead of operations they just wear "fake" genitalia) but damn! - they don't believe in missionary either. Instead of the reverse cowgirl they do this funky (violent!) thing where the males quote "pierce the abdomens of their mates with their genitals and ejaculate directly into their blood". How fucked up is that?
So, if anyone ever asks you if you're into Bat Bug-style sex... do what I do. Just say NO.
*cough*
That was a public service announcement from your friendly neighboorhood bitch, Pheenie.
In other news, I also learned that thanks to the losers on the internet (myself probably included) the English language is being slaughtered officially. First, they're getting rid of a lot of uses of commas because Americans (and the rest of the world) are too lazy to learn to use them properly. Well fuck you, English-speaking assholes of the world. And now, they're removing hypens from 100s of words. Again, because people are too stupid to look up the correct spelling. Worse, though the officials at the Oxford Dictionary denied it, a lot of news sources reported that part of the reason for the change is that people who DESIGN written stuff like advertisements, billboards, yada yada think hypens are ugly and make their DESIGNS look wrong.
So not only do we celebrate people who are horrible human beings (Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, OJ Simpson, Perez Hilton, Chris Crocker, George Bush) but we settle to the laziness of the least common denominator. We cow to the moronic, we WILLINGLY dumb-down our own language, and now even the folks who are supposed to be smart and to preserve it, have bowed beneath the pressure.
I'm annoyed, obviously.
But at least I got to read about some hot, violent bug sex this morning, so all is well.
Love & Stuff,
Pheenie, who is still and will always be a Grammar Nazi
So sayeth Pheenie @ 5:40:00 AM ( 0 comments )
9/04/2007
Believe in Miracles
The "Big Guy" and I have always had a passingly cordial relationship. I don't subscribe to the whole Bible thing as literal truth or whatnot, but I have a strong faith. I've long wondered if, by not going to some church or thumping a thrice(at least) translated hodgepodge of stories and mythos, I don't really count as a Believer.
I don't discuss faith much anymore, or religion. Partially because I don't have anyone around who I'm comfortable yakking about it with. Mark holds a different set of beliefs than I do - similar enough that we get along, but he's a bible/church sort of Christian and I'm a... well, I'm not that. I remember sitting up long into the night with Lynders or Shannon or even Tim a few times. Watching the stars in some cases, but talking about life, the universe, religion, everything either way.
This whole thing with my Mom has really renewed my belief that you don't have to be a bible-believing, church-going Christian to believe in God and to know Him.
I prayed more times, and more fervently, during those two weeks in Washington than I have in years. And He listened and gave her back to us. It really was a miracle.
But instead of rehashing over the whole event and my own take on it, I just wanted to express what I'm grateful for.
I'm grateful that my little sister called me straight away when it happened.
I'm grateful Jennifer lured Mom out to the BBQ that night and that she was there to call for help when she collapsed.
I'm grateful that Evie was able to procure me a flight so I could be there.
I'm grateful that Ron was able to keep her (mostly) sane and that she and I managed to get along so well despite the stress.
I'm grateful that Mark stayed up with me all that night even though he had to work his new job in the morning, took me to the airport, loves me.
I'm grateful for the slightly smelly old man who sat beside me on the plane from CHI to SEA and told me that if he could survive two heart attacks in 21 years, my Mom would be fine.
I'm grateful for Jeff Besk for picking me up at the airport and going totally out of his way with two small children along for the ride. And to Mike, Jeff's step-dad for being willing to take me from Roslin to Yakima, even though I was a complete stranger and he had nothing invested in the whole situation. I'm grateful to Jeff's mom for feeding me a sandwich (and insisting on it) when I'd been 18 hours without food and was so nervous and worried I could barely talk.
I'm grateful to Aunt Donna for letting me bunk with her during the whole trial - we had never been really close but I sure feel a special bond now.
I'm grateful Aunt Jeannie & Uncle Connie, to Ed Kossow, to Joanna, to Jessie & Jeff, Nichole, John & Lorita Isotalo, to Ruthie, to Aunt Linda Hanson-Rubio, Aunt Betty, Sarah, Chris, Bucko & Mel & Kylie, Rick, my sweet sweet Tim, Emily & Becky, Aunt Mary & Aunt Vicki... everyone who came to visit and who loved Mom enough to help Evie and I out.
I'm grateful for Dolly and Lori and Sharon and all the nurses in the CCU who cared so amazingly for Mom and who came to visit her even once she'd been transferred to the hospice unit.
I'm grateful to Aunt Donna and Ed for taking me out that night when I was just about to lose it completely.
I'm grateful to Ron for all his work with my Mom once God gave her back to us.
I'm grateful to Dr. Urutisha (I mangled the spelling) who was blunt and maybe even a little too honest, but who told us that even when things look the worst, there is always hope.
I'm grateful for my little sister, who stressed me out and forced me to the be the rock and who reminded me why I love her.
I'm grateful to Emily for letting me hang-out and for being my Baby-Momma and for letting me meet Bri. And for driving me to the airport despite it being 100+ miles out of her way on her day off. And for hanging out with me as long as was sensible before I had to go board the flight. And for the sugar cookies, they were SO yummy.
I'm grateful to my own patience for getting me through the flight from SEA to CHI with that lovely woman and her adorable son, who forced me out of my seat four or so times to pee, when I was fat and uncomfortable and barely in my clothes (bad choice of travel outfit, but I had little choice).
I'm grateful for the woman on the flight from CHI to MDT who told me about the chick lit she was reading and who was so interested in Mom's story, and who wasn't offended that I wasn't more talkative.
I'm grateful to Mark for picking me up at the airport, for kissing me Hello in the baggage claim area and for loving me so much.
I'm grateful to God for listening to our collective prayers and giving Judy-slash-Mom back to us.
I'm grateful to Mom for being such a stubborn fighter and refusing to give up.
Hells. I'm just grateful.
In fact, I'm also grateful to my professors, who are allowing me to finish up Summer Session now and who are letting me make-up the first missed week of Fall Semester.
Now I have to leave and get ready for my first day of Fall classes, but I'm excited and still so grateful that I'm sure I'll be okay. Right?
So sayeth Pheenie @ 6:37:00 AM ( 0 comments )
8/10/2007
Serenata
I'm not sure how big a faux pas it is to share my school work publically - but I kinda want to do so. Odd. Normally I like to shield each sector of my world from the others to avoid conflicts and dirty-badnesses. But this morning, a foggy, rain-drenched morning in New Cumberland (P.S. we have new leaks in the living room. Joy.) I feel like sharing. Opening myself to the world and letting some air in.
Right.
Its been a long, busy summer and the Fall is going to be even worse. I am taking five English courses. Five. And a logic (quantification :P) class. Lovely, mm? Of those five courses, four of them are Literature courses. Yes, reading. How I love reading - but reading for four English classes? Eek. And of those same five courses, three are taught by one professor and two by another. I really hope I don't make a bad impression on either because they hold my whole future in their little hands this semester.
The good news is, however, if all goes well and I don't fail Biology this session, I should have just one course left to take next summer and then (Hallelujah!) I will graduate.
The bad news is that I'm waivering on choice of career again.
But we'll leave that debate for another day. Instead, I'll just post a link to my WMNST-003 E-Portfolio and leave it at that. Click here, if you dare.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 6:36:00 AM ( 0 comments )
6/26/2007
Everything I Do...
Busy busy busy, cries the little bee.
And yet, whole-heartedly not. Busy, that is. There's a great many things that have been occupying my time lately. Not the least of which is school, and with second session coming up in a week, it will only get worse. I've also got a new campaign to DM in PnP and a lot of stuff to prepare for that. And Mark and I are building again. And I'm working on my novel. And oy vey.
Anyway, busy, yet not. That's my cry. Nothing essential - save school - but I blink and a day's gone by. Its almost July, which means I'll start my third year in PA quite shortly.
I miss Washington. I miss the clean heat, I miss the roads. I miss my Mother and my Tim, and Emy and Jym and Joyce and Evie and every one I loved but never got around to seeing as often as I should have. I miss Super 1 and I want for Ellensburg so badly sometimes, I feel like crying.
Bah.
I'm happiest with Mark, so don't go getting that impression. The "us" is a beautiful thing. But I don't like PA much, less every time I have to get on the free-way, and I just...
there's no place like home.
And home... it ain't always where your heart is. My heart is with Mark, but my home? That's Washington. That's Ellensburg. *sigh*
So sayeth Pheenie @ 5:57:00 AM ( 0 comments )
5/23/2007
Unventilated. Basement. Forty Computers.
You do the math.
Ugh, and so begins Summer Session 1 for dear ol' the Josie. Weird that I still use 'the Josie'. Weirder still that I ever did. I wonder how Daniel is doing these days. I hope he's happy and stuff. Our friendship surely ended badly, but I think I'll always have a soft spot for him.
C'est la vie. Back to the subject at hand.
Summer school. Now, I understand that this is an unpopular thing for most students. I just happen to be desperate to get out of school, so... yes, I am taking a full load of credits. Blissfully, its split up over both sessions, however that means I had one week between Spring & SS1, and one week between SS2 & Fall - a total of two weeks of Summer Vacay. Then nothing until mid-December. Whew! I'll be so ready to give up by then. Fall is gonna be a nasty one for me.
I digress again.
Uh. Oh yes, SS1. Well, I am in love with my COMM class. Its all about the Cinema as Art and the prof - Catherine McCormick - is awesome. She subbed for Peter last Semester while he was off at a conference and although that was the week I destroyed my foot and had to miss the second session she taught, I really enjoyed her discussion the first day.
I dropped the ENG 202a class though. Not just because the teacher was this hot-and-cold mix of supa-bitch and funny-gal (truly, it was strange. One minute, screaming at the girl who came in the late, the next making a self-deprecating joke that was actually charming). But because it was 'Writing in the Social Sciences' and frankly, not only does the subject not interest me, but because well... it didn't feel useful. So basically I bought a book I probably can't return and a flash drive I definitely can't return, for a class I ended up dropping.
I picked up the 'sequel' to my cinema class for SS2. Different prof, but Catherine seemed to really recommend Ross, so I signed up.
It puts the whole Zombie movie thing in perspective as well. I only wish Mark could take it with me.
Oh my. I'm seriously considering going on to get my Masters. Which is so ridiculous since I'm so totally not the scholarly sort I thought I was. Oh well.
There are so many crazy folk in the world. I won't elaborate. But its true.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 5:56:00 AM ( 0 comments )
5/14/2007
I'm ABOVE Average!
Oh. My. Goodness.
Apparently I did something right in the end, because I ended up with a B in English afterall. Dr. Wilson replied to my email asking for advice about what I need to work on and he realized he had miscalculated my final grade.
I've never been so happy.
Okay, that's a lie. But it truly made my day! I was so worried that maybe I'm not cut out for English, but this makes me think - Okay, you can do it. You just have to work harder. And so ... ack! I had to share my joy!
I now return you to your regularily scheduled...whatever.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 1:16:00 PM ( 0 comments )
5/11/2007
Bah.
I knew I wasn't gonna come out of ENG 433 with an A. I knew that. And I know I said I would be satisfied with a C, because I've learned so much. But I lied. I had my heart set on a B. I figured that my final portfolio would be worth a B, after all the revision and work I put into it. I was pretty sure a B was within grasp.
Apparently I was wrong.
Because I got a C in the class. Average, hah. Makes me feel like I failed the course. Like I'm not good enough afterall. You know? I just want to know why, and what I can do to make sure that this first C is the last C I ever get. I hate this feeling. This crappy feeling. If it was in a math course, hell yes, I'd be GRATEFUL for a C. But this is English. This is... this is my major. What I'm good at. What... I love. And here I am with a FUCKING C! Gah!
I'm only angry with myself for not doing better. But I'm disappointed. I'm heartbroken. And not even knowing that I got two other A's this semester is going to repair that. Neither of them were in English.
I'm going to end up in tears by the time I graduate if this is seriously the best I am capable of.
I gotta close. Mark's ready to leave and I'm not. *sigh* But I'm so upset about a C. A damn C. Why couldn't it have been a B? Even a B- is better than a C.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 6:10:00 PM ( 0 comments )
5/10/2007
YAY!
OMG!!! Finals week isn't even over yet, but in my hyper-excited way way way anxious state of being, I totally keep checking elion to find out how I did. Nothing was posted all day. However, I just checked and I've gotten two of my grades back.
I scored an A in Astronomy, which was a given. Even though I never went to class. Ever. Except on test days. But that's great. Go Dr. Ram!
And, I scored an A in Dr. Kareithi's class. Which pleases me not only because I was sure I would, but because I loved his class so much and I wanted him to think well of me! Oh thank you Peter!!! I wonder how my final paper was graded though. Hmm.
Time to e-mail the prof.
Oh, and I also tweaked the layout so the text is more legible. I am going to go have a celebratory snog with my boytoy and dance around in my underwear (sorry about that mental image!)!
So sayeth Pheenie @ 4:29:00 PM ( 0 comments )
5/08/2007
This is my 188th Post!
In this blog. Go me.
Wow. So, updates are at Misadventures! and they're rockin'. I'm keeping the 'in order' page organized from the start this time, so its super-easy to get caught up and to find chapters and whatnot.
Things are getting interesting.
In other news, I think I might fail English. But what can I do? Hah. Drop out? I should have a guaranteed A in Astro. Probably a B (maybe a C...if I bombed the final) in Bio. And an A in Humanities (again, unless I bombed the final). So really, not a horrible thing, for my first Semester back after a million years.
Its so hot here tonight. And I can't wait to curl up in bed with the AC on. Oh god. I'm such a bad person. I keep thinking about being more 'green' and yet, here I am with two fans going, three computers running, a TV, a light, and dreaming of an Air Conditioner. Bah.
That reminds me. I wanted to join the AC Fanlisting, lol.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 10:20:00 PM ( 0 comments )
5/06/2007
Scribbling the Day Away
Well, after updating Misadventures yesterday, I decided it was high time to finish the update of my domain. So, I've got a new sub-domain in the works for my writing - here. Its called (cuz I'm soooo original) Scribbles. Woo.
I'm tired (the neighbor is stupid inconsiderate FUCK who fights constantly with his bitchy girlfriend) and my tooth hurts, so I think I'm going to go lay down. But hopefully, I'll still finish the update today.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 9:40:00 AM ( 0 comments )
5/04/2007
Until the end of time...
I shall be making crappy layouts, hating them, and then replacing them with other crappy layouts. It just wouldn't be S-C.com without them.
Seriously though, I see all these nifty looking personal sites and then I look at mine and go *le sigh*. I haven't quite mastered the whole... um... pretty... thing. With filters and layers and la-dee-dah special effects. I'm pretty plain.
Which is not to say I've never been happy with a layout in the past. Just... not with the ones I'm doing now. I'm so... 1999. :P Anyway, here's intoducing the newest look here at S-C.com... Dancing Barefoot. This picture made me want to run back to Thorp and run around barefoot on the lawn right after a nice, mellow rain or some sprinkler action. Mmm. I loved that. I miss that.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 8:59:00 AM ( 0 comments )
5/03/2007
Bored?
Let me share my secret joys with you...
Draw Play - You have to draw your own solutions to the puzzle and make the stick figure walk/jump his way to safety! Great brain teaser. Just discovered it today, but I thought it was a SUPER clever idea.
Fishy! - You are a tiny fish in a little pond filled with other fish. Eat the ones smaller than you to get bigger... and so on. Yes, silly, but its addictive! And hard.
Tontie - This is my all-time second most favorite way to kill time online. It takes hand-eye coordination up the ying-yang (of which I lack almost entirely). It was recently updated and I'm not sure if its easier or harder, but its still an awesome flash game.
Who Wants to be a Millionare - Yes, just as the show on TV back in the day (is it still on?) you can make an ass out of yourself failing time after time to win 1,000,000 fake smackeroos. But I always did love me some trivia! Mm-mm!
The Waitress - This one is totally dumb and frusterating because the bitch moves SO FUCKING SLOW, but I can get caught up in it anyway. There's a Nickelodeon version with some cute young thing on some show that I'm sure must be adorable but that I've never actually heard of here. Its different. Maybe better. Definitely easier.
Why the boredom games today? I dunno. I've just wasted this whole beautiful day today... not working on school stuff, my writing projects (P.S. Tim - update already! :P), or even finishing the half-updated layouts for this site. And I've wasted it by playing Chuzzle (a PopCap Game that I adore) and Peggle (a PopCap game that I kinda dig) and remembering how many hours I lost to Bejeweled (a third PopCap game) back when I was doing anything to avoid listening to a certain ex-boyfriend babble about something lame like basketball. Poor guy. Wonder how he is though. *sigh*
Jasmine and I are sitting side-by-side trying out all sorts of puzzle games at GamersEnterprise.com. Good times!
So sayeth Pheenie @ 12:02:00 PM ( 0 comments )
5/01/2007
Yarr...
Its a pirate's life fer me!
No. Not really, but somehow that phrase occurred to me just now. Hmm. I've got a few things fixed on the site, but I'm seriously unhappy with every single layout there is, so I'll probably end up going back to a way simply thing ASAP.
I've also joined a few fanlistings. Hey! Don't give me that. Its not totally super-lame. Is it? O'well. I like it. I'm a Willow fan. And an Alyson Hannigan fan. And a bunch of other stuff. Including Laura Ingalls Wilder. Oh how 7-year-old Josie cried when she found out that her hero, LIW, was dead. Long dead. *sniffle* Poignant moment in my young world. My poor dad was so upset to tell me that - because I was so upset.
Spring semester is FINALLY almost over. Thank you GOD. Of course, like 10 days later, I start all over again, but it was a nice thought for a minute or two. By the time Winter break comes I am going to be SO wiped.
Two portfolios to finish. A paper to fine tune. A final exam. Oh joy. Its definitely not as bad as it could be. For sure.
I'm still waiting on HP's first update to my new story at Misadventures! - but I'm not 100% happy with my chapter either, so maybe he won't bother to post. *le sigh*
I think its about time for bed. Yes, this early. Tomorrow's a long f'ing day and my foot - while feeling very much better - is still twinge-y.
And in the end I ride alone...
So sayeth Pheenie @ 7:37:00 PM ( 0 comments )
4/28/2007
Sun Rises
First and foremost, I'm going to express my sincerest gratitude to Mark for being so good to me whilst I am gimpy. Second and secondmost, I would like to express my anger at the 15 or so Giant employees who watched me struggled in the grocery store yesterday and did ZERO to help. Especially the two twenty-somethings working on an endcap who had their cardboard junk everywhere and just watched me trying to hop on one-foot (because I couldn't maneuver the cart thru their garbage) across the isle to struggle to reach something on the top shelf. Fuckers. And then thirdly, but not leastmost, I want to share my absolute amazement and gratitude to the sweet older woman outside (not an employee, though I passed two separate employees on my way into the parking lot) who helped me by taking the cart so I could use my crutches and then took the cart away for me.
Done.
Man, I wanted to ream those damn Giant employees. If I weren't so lazy, I'd totally boycott them from now on. Maybe I will. *fifteen minute pause* Okay, I just wrote an angry email to their customer service department. I miss the West Coast. They take customer service seriously out there. The people are friendlier, the world is more laid back, and even the assholes you meet in retail seem like assholic comparitively.
I think I'm starting to get sick, in addition to the gimposity, because my nose is running. Aren't you glad I shared? Its about 2 a.m. and my 'nap' around eight ended up as my sleep for the night, I think.
Misadventures is almost up and running. Yay.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 12:37:00 AM ( 0 comments )
4/24/2007
Fresh on the heels...
Of a lovely afternoon/evening with my man, despite the SUFFOCATING heat, came the proof that I am in fact, the dumbest smart-chick evah.
You see, I had a charley horse in the middle of the night. And normally, I can either massage it away, or crawl out of bed and push my heel to the floor to work out the kink in my calf. Well, last night it was the worst cramp in my whole life and I shot out of bed. I was stumbling around on one foot, trying to put my other heel down and failing, when I slipped on the laundry basket, slammed my elbow into the wall and hear a sickening snap in my ankle as I hit the floor. Fortunately, I was able to right myself and work the cramp out, but then I suffered for two hours trying to get back to sleep while the cramp-pain faded and a new agony surfaced.
I either tore a ligament down the side of my foot, or fracture the smaller bones of my ankle/foot. Can't afford an X-ray today, to be sure, but looks like a nasty tear. Dr. Kunkle predicted I'd be in pain and hobbling for about two weeks, then a month or so of less-pain but still hobbling-ishness, and then six months total of occasional pain from the whole fiasco.
At least I got vikes. Though they're low-dosage and didn't really help. Plus, Wal-mart was able to give me all these generics I couldn't afford last time I went to the Doctor for 4 or 9 bucks each. So maybe I can actually, you know, get healthy...ier... um... yeah.
Anyway. My foot hurts, but I hadda document the incident for future reference and junk.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 6:45:00 PM ( 0 comments )
4/23/2007
You know...
I've long thought that I might very well be the stupidest smart-chick ever. I mean EVAH!!! *ahem*
In my haste to... graduate, at this lengthy interval, I've loaded myself down with 18 credits over the summer, 18 in the fall, and another 18 come Spring. All in the misguided belief that I might actually, one day, become a college graduate.
Now normally, I would have no such qualms about it. In fact, when I told Mark last night what I intended to do (overload myself in difficult courses) he kind of blinked and said - "Are you sure you want to do that? What's an extra semester if it means your sanity?" To which I replied, "I'm sure. I want to graduate ASAP and get back into the workforce."
So.
Hey, what do you think of the creepy dicey new layouts? I think I like the second one better (check here) than this one, but its a close call. They're similar. I also dig the one at About Me, but its not as good as it should have been. I need to get my 'credits' page up and running, with info on the brushes, fonts, and photos. *sigh* And I've got a paper to finish. And two portfolios to brush up on. I better get running.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 7:42:00 AM ( 0 comments )
4/22/2007
A Game of Chance
So, whatcha think of the new look? This is the first 'completed' section, but the others are coming. I dunno what it is about the summery weather that made me wanna shift things around, but here I go, re-doing the whole S-C.com site. Woot.
Mark & I took a drive today, saw all manner of glorious, huge houses and drooled. It was nice to have a breath of fresh air and just us two. Sometimes I feel bad for the rest of the world because there are so many people who aren't as lucky as we two.
I'm content and happiest with him when we're just sitting around laughing or talking. I anticipate his coming home every night with almost literally drooling ecstacy. I wait for his calls when he rings me during the day and I pine away for his every touch when we're apart (or when we have enduring company that constrains our activities). I look at the future and pray that we're granted a good long run of it together, just as happy as we are now.
I can't explain it. But I wish the rest of the world could be as lucky as we are. And in my mood of 'my cup runneth over' today, I just had to share.
i'm waiting for you, there ain't no one else.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 12:54:00 PM ( 0 comments )
4/19/2007
New Stuff on S-C.com
Okay okay, I finally updated some stuff around the site, the blah-blah content that no one but me ever reads. Anyway. Feel free to not check that out, but also there are a bunch of new pictures and stuff in the gallery.
I'm not feeling particularily eloquent today so this little update is very... um, brief. Get a chuckle out of the braids I did to Mark while he was sleeping on my lap last night. The sleeping shot, all spidering out from his head is crazy and he kinda looks drunk in the one where I woke him up, but with his curls and whatnot, he looks pretty cute!
So sayeth Pheenie @ 10:24:00 AM ( 0 comments )
4/18/2007
I Want My Refund!!!
Spring Semester is nearly at an end. Time to make the hard choices in Josiedom. Do I pursue a general English degree? To what end? Do I pursue English, Secondary Education? Is a teacher still what I want to be?
I remember being so inspired by Mrs. Dorland and Mr. Dillon, and others but them especially, back in my youth. I used to (even before I met either of them in Middle and High School respectively) set up our chalk board and give lessons (complete with flash cards!) to my stuffed animals. I was a born teacher, I think.
Or a born writer.
Or just a born... person.
I'm not sure. Anyway, I've got Summer Classes for BOTH sessions (yes, I get a total of two weeks of free time this entire summer!) and Mark and I are finally going to really sit down and work on our super-secret project. How exciting!
I'm taking boring classes for the Summer, which will only serve to make it harder to show up and...well, show up. But I'm also starting a new rigourous schedule of weight loss so that I can show my face at my sister's wedding next May/June. Plus, I want to go home for sure this fall or winter and I can't (read that : won't) do that looking as I do now.
Having Jason and Jasmine here has been interesting. I've really gotten to know her better, and though we haven't ended up speaking German (yet!), its nice to hang out with her. But I miss being alone. And alone with Mark. Its always a little constrained - except when he tickles me - and I miss just being us. C'est la vie.
I want to be Mrs. Albert one of these days. Oh yes, indeed.
Class is starting so I'm just going to stop typing.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 9:53:00 AM ( 0 comments )
4/16/2007
Did I Celebrate?
On Dec. 23rd, 2006, S-C.com turned three years old. How is that possible? Where did time go? Wowsa.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 8:57:00 AM ( 0 comments )
4/15/2007
Too Many Ideas Floating In My Brain...
And too little time to write them.
My brain has always been a playground for stories and books and epic sagas - all things I want (or need) to write. I've got (quite literally!) two file boxes full to brimming with sketches and scribbles, character ideas, timelines, settings and histories and basically, an ungodly amount of junk that I will never get around to fulfilling these ideas.
But that doesn't stop me from wanting to.
I have a lot of trouble, these days, trying to really get focused like I used to. Time was, I could put on my old walkman's earphones, the old school ones with a thin aluminum band that fitted over your head with a pair of foam encased doodle-dee things at the end where the music came out, and press play on (for instance) Bryan Adam's "So Far So Good" and by the first thirty seconds into "Kids Wanna Rock" I'd be in the zone. That was the B side. It had the fire/hunting song I always loved so much when I was young. I'll think of the title, give me a minute (and no, I will not resort to Googling it!). Anyway, back then all it took was our old Tandy with its really loud clickety keyboard, some mix tapes (well, after I wore out ol' Bryan, that is) and solitude. And then I was- "Heat of the Night"! That's it. The title, I mean. I wrote a whole scene around how that song felt to me, um, for a cheesy historical fiction/fantasy thing about Audra and William. Aww, true love between a princess and a pauper. Just as corny and cliché as it sounds - only not.
Sorry, where was I? Oh yes. I can't seem to find that zone anymore. I mean, not easily. There's too much going on. Everywhere. And of course with the advent of the internet I find it really really increasingly hard to be using a computer and not say - check my email (as if anyone ever writes me :P) or my MySpace (shameless plug! Add Me!) or whatever. Not to mention the environment. Either at home, where I've got Mark (yay!) or not Jas & Jas (Jayse and Jazz, respectively & phoenetically) and the crazy neighbor, et cetera. Distractions. Or at school, where I get close to the zone. But there's always someone there. Taking the spare chair at my table or bumping the window or laughing loud enough to poke through my protective shell of music.
Hmm. But currently I have exactly, no less than seven excellent projects that I would love to, loooooove to work on. Not to mention school. Which is in an dof itself, a big drain on time. At least I get to 'not' work presently. So I have time to brew these ideas.
In other news, I think Jasmine is going to help me refresh my German. Which is great of her. I've longed to really get fluent and maybe having a month or so with a native speaker in the house will mean I get to learn it!
And I'm a late, late, late comer to the Buffy-fandom thing that swept over pop culture and the internet in the late nineties. I didn't understand it, or worried that I would, so I avoided it. Mark and Jas & Jas (see above) goaded me into watching it, finally, because they are all such heated fans of it. And now, like them, I am a fan. Sure, ten years after the fact, but I cried at the end like any trueblooded fan must have... Well, at least I don't want to think I was the only one. You can think me truly lame, its cool. I play DnD and I write long, pointless blogs to myself as if I'm talking to someone other than me (note the Add Me! above that assumes anyone else ever reads this tripe) and I love movies and video games and fantasy novels and my boyfriend with his rockstar curls and yes, I still have a soft spot for Bryan Adams in my heart, and I am a nerd. I think its great. And I don't care what you think!
But it turns out I do love Buffy. Well, the show. I wasn't so much a fan of Buffy. She was very... Serena/Bunny/Usagi for me at times. Pouty and girlish. And endearing, yes, but she wasn't the character I rooted for and watched develop with affection. Willow (but everyone know about my tremendous adoration for Alyson Hannigan) and Spike were the ones that drew me in. Um... anyway. If Joss Whedon ever needs a sickeningly fawning fangirl (and fanboy, cuz I'll drag Mark along) he can totally call on me. I'm afraid that that man may be a genius. And not just for putting Nathan Fillion to good work.
Um... what was my point?
Bowling For Soup is fun.
No, that wasn't it. Ummmmm... Ooh. Time to break out the polyhedral dicey things and DM for my baby. Phat l00ts and all that! Archer & the party are about to uncover a lost civilization in Faerun - my own invention - and I can't wait to see what he thinks of it!
So sayeth Pheenie @ 8:04:00 AM ( 1 comments )
4/08/2007
The True Meaning of a B-
I received a B- on an English paper recently. Normally, this would have devastated me. I would have cried a little on my way home from class, stolen a hug from Mark, worried interminably about my future in the English department, and then feared to go back to class and face all the 'smart' folk. Normally, I would have re-read the paper, obsessed about how I let all the intelligence drain out of my brain in the five years I was out of college, wondered if maybe it really is impossible to teach an old dog new tricks, and then worried again about if I was really good enough or smart enough or enlightened enough to be a good English teacher.
That is what I did after I received my first paper back from Dr. Wilson, with a whopping C on it. That was the single worst grade I have recieved on a paper... ever. In the history of all Josie-dom, there has never been less than an A-. Not in high school, where I often wrote papers the night before (or morning before) they were due. Not at BCC, when I did the same thing, only with the extreme confidence of youth mingled with the fact that I knew I was super-smart. Not even at Central, where I wrote papers with a little more effort (occasionally even wrote an outline on paper, if I had to) sometimes more than a day or two before they were due. In the whole history of my sloppy existence, I never received a C on a paper.
So when I got that first C, it really rocked my world. I had done a meagre job on the paper, I knew it when I handed it in, but I had hoped (as I always managed to do in the past) that I would skate by on sheer Josieistic brilliance alone. Well, Dr. Wilson wasn't playing that game, it seems. When I chose a bad article to discuss in the paper, he took me to task for it and rightly so. The paper, aside from that bit, was actually very good, but I hadn't given myself enough time or effort, to shine. A C was exactly what I deserved.
So I did work harder on the second paper for that same class. I read (well, read vital chapters, skimmed the rest) two books about the novel I had read. I put my thesis together carefully and tried very consciously to not make the same mistakes I had previously.
And for all the praise that was evident in the comments when he returned that paper to me, I still received a B-. A B-, which is just a few points higher than a C. Yet, I was actually pleased with myself.
Because I understand now, that Dr. Wilson is not content to let anyone skate by. He is trying to help me improve myself, my work, my work ethic. And, in some small fashion (the difference between a C and a B-) its working. So no matter how awful a grade I get in this class, I'll have to appreciate the fact that thanks to him, I will not be able to take my own supposed brilliance for granted anymore. That I will have to work. And that I should have to work.
Of course, my final grade will probably really, really, really piss me off when it happens, but c'est la vie. At least, in this case, I'll know I really earned that grade.
In other news, I've been 'running' a DnD game for about two weeks now. Normally, that would mean, a few hours maybe two seperate days. However, this time its been seven nights out of nine, or maybe ten out of thirteen. Still, Mark and I have had a heckuva time thus far and it turns out, that no matter what a group of bastards said about me back in the SF days, I am a pretty fucking kickass DM. w00t.
Also, my little sister may beat me to the altar and though I am so so so thrilled for her. I'm also a teensy bit miffed. I know that Mark and I are forever (barring unforseen issues, but love-wise, we're cool). Just makes me a little crazy to know that her guy is on the ball and mine is content to let things roll. I feel like I'm getting older and older and older every single day. So yes, let it be known, the crazy bitch actually wants to get engaged and yes, married.
Who'da thunk it?
To conclude.
a)School is not as easy as it was when I was young; but that's a good thing. And lest you read this and think I've really gone stupid, I've received A's on both papers for Peter's class.
b) Go Ebi-san! I love you! I'm so happy for you two! (But I'm still jealous! Eeeeeek!)
c) Jason and Jasmine are finally moving in completely (its been a strange journey for all involved) today, so I should get off the computer and go... do something with myself.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 7:03:00 AM ( 0 comments )
3/07/2007
Have You Ever...?
... had a moment when everything you want, you have? Where everything seems just about as perfect as it could be? When those rose-colored glasses sit so perfectly on your nose that you can't even see the murkiness out the side with your periphrial vision?
I have.
I have also seen the other side. When everything that was great and wonderful is at risk and when you worry that the idyllicness in your own life makes you a bad person because there are so many who suffer. And, then of course, in my case, there's the moment when you realize that things are great for you and that's all that matters personally. Yet, you long for the very things that you know are not worth longing for. Most specifically money. Always money. Every day, every time... money.
Whoever said Money Makes the World Go Round wasn't just whistlin' dixie. Its an absolute in modern-day society. Those with the cash, not only have the power and the power to change things, but they are the ones that everyone wants to be. We can't have a Utopian society because those who have IT don't want to sacrifice even a little to make everyone equal and those who don't have IT wouldn't want to settle for equality when they could just take everything.
Now, to shift track completely, I am typing this post on a Macintosh. An iMac, to be specific. With a broad, widescreen LCD monitor and a big silver apple logo right there above the nifty CD-RW/DVD-R drive. I have never liked Macs. The ones I was in contact with in my youth were always far slower than the PC machines I used. The software was much more limited in that most things are PC-only, even today a great many games and whatnot are 'playable' on PC, but not fully compatible with Mac. I recently found out that NWN's Aurora toolset isn't available for Mac users. However, I find myself greatly drawn to this pretty little machine - though its completely un-upgradibility and too-futuristic gadgety-look are too much for my simple tastes - mostly because of the keyboard. Its like lovely silk beneath my nubby little fingers. The plastic has been brushed or something, satinized. I like it.
Oh, the other big draw-back for me? Control-C and Control V don't work and the little command key they use is totally not conveniant for me to reach for. And I LIVE on Control C, V, E, F, P... etc etc. Shortcuts rock my world.
Ack, I forgot about the mouse. There are no buttons. No scroll thingy. No back/forward toggles. I hate it.
I read a book this weekend called "Slave : My True Story" by Mende Nazer, a Sudanese woman (Nuba Mountains) who was kidnapped and forced into slavery. She told her story to a man named Damien Lewis who then helped her craft the book. Naturally, its not 100% accurate as things were changed, omitted, etc. for her safety and others. However, it was a beautifully told story and thrououghly horrifying to my so-called enlightened modern mind. This book didn't take place in the 1800s. It didn't take place in the early 1900s. This girl was stolen from her family in the early 1990s and spent the turning of the new Millenium in captivity. She was a slave in one of the largest cities in Europe - London, England. I couldn't believe that such things still persist, but they do. She isn't alone. She isn't the only such story that's come out of the Middle East and Africa. And when I stop to think about it, aren't there plenty of stories about Chinese immigrants who are bought and sold as Indentured Servants (or outright slaves) so they can come to the U.S.? Why is slavery still existant in our modern world? Why are there still so many who fail to notice the inalienable right of all people to equal rights as human beings?
I overheard some military guys talking recently. Using the stereotypical racial and ethnic slurs about people on TV and about those they knew back in the day - when they were overseas. Ugh, its all so ugly. And then of course, I cringed nearly every episode of the Sopranos, with its horrifically racist language. I don't understand that kind of hatred. I don't get why people think its okay to demean another person for any reason.
But then, that doesn't stop me from calling Paris Hilton a skank. I've never met the woman. What makes me think its okay? Because its just ONE person, not a whole race? Not a whole group?
There's so much wrong with the world. Do you think its possible to fix any of it? All of it? There is no such thing as a viable Utopia. Equality for all, knowing humaniy as I think I do, is impossible. I want to believe that we are capable of change, of thought, of greatness. But mostly I just keep coming to the conclusion that we are all flawed beings who love to revel in the misery of others and who have an innate need to be (or at least feel) superior to someone else.
So in conclusion, the world is fucked. And I like the keyboard on this iMac.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 12:07:00 PM ( 0 comments )
2/26/2007
The Sin of Pride, the Devil Cried, Is What Will Do You In!
The devil is back in Georgia, will you stand up to the test?. Or maybe back in Harrisburg. I'm not sure. The sin of pride is definitely what did me in, I think. What was I THINKING, taking a 400-level English Lit class when I've been away from academia for a million years?! Am I completely moronic? Apparently so. I got a C on my first English paper. The paper itself wasn't bad, according to Dr. Wilson's comments, but the third article I chose was so wrong for the paper. And I agree, and I knew it when I wrote it, but I'm so used to being able to bullshit my way out of anything (pride!) I figured I would be okay.
Don't panic. Its only 5% of my final grade AND we get to revise it for him. Still - I'm not thrilled. I have a much more important paper to write for that class this week and I'm not prepared. Not even a little bit. The proposal is due Wedensday and I'm clueless.
But on the up side, I did ace my first iHUM paper and my first BiSci quiz. I should get the first BiSci exam back today - which is terrifying. Worst case scenario - if I counted right - is about a C. Best? Probably a B. Unless she's as lenient on the exam as she was on the quiz.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 9:00:00 AM ( 0 comments )
2/13/2007
Well, Happy Spring, Puxatawny Phil...
I remember that Phil didn't see his shadow this year, so we're supposed to have an early spring. Hah! We're only just FINALLY getting some snow. They predict as much as a foot by tomorrow afternoon. I'm praying for classes to be cancelled - and I don't know why. I'm prepared for Humanities, ready-ish for the Biology Exam, and I loved My Ántonia so I'm excited for that (plus, I already wrote my post about it).
I think I'm actually just nervous because I haven't heard back about either of my papers yet and I am SO sure they're both awful. Its scary.
Anyway. I've made some progress lately in the mod and my poor feet are too cold to sit here any longer tonight. So I'll go away now and enjoy the snow that I've been waiting for for ages.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 8:42:00 PM ( 0 comments )
2/01/2007
How Did I Get Here? What Went Wrong?
You know, its funny. I'm (apparently) an English Major. I'm hoping (apparently) to be a middle or high school English teacher one of these days. Yet here I am, a Nittany Lion in the last throes of my Juniordom, and I think English is by far my worst experience here.
Let me rephrase that.
The professor is very good. The class is very good. The reading is interesting and the insight of other students is great. Its nice to be in an intellectual setting to discuss literature and I very much enjoy that aspect. But I feel dumb in that class, in this peerset. I feel like some vaguely retarded, red-headed stepchild in a class full of the intelluctual equivalent of A-Group cliques in High School. Nothing I 'think' about anything we read feels...smart or right. It makes me question my whole...brain function! And I remember feeling that way previously, only it was less dumb and more... rational. It seemed at CWU that I was leary of being an English major not because I was less intelligent than the others, but that they'd all fallen into this pseudo-intellectual B.S. that so-called educated people spout like it was the Gospel. How this sentance obviously invokes the author's criticism of the Fall of the Age of Reason or how this character represents yada yada yada. Lofty, high-brow, "let's analyze it until its no longer any FUN to read or think about" attitudes. Bah!
However, my I HUM class makes me feel smart. I've never been good about speaking out in class, but I definitely have a grasp on the class and Dr K seems to recognize that despite my quietness. Which is good for me :P lol.
My BiSci & Astro classes also make me feel intelligent and vaguely superior (we'll see if that holds after the first quizzes/exams). But damn that English class. I guess that's what I get for jumping back into the English arena after five (omg! really?) years with a 400 level class when the best I'd done before is a low 300 (which I also struggled with inferiority complexes in - but if I recall correctly - did well in... *checking* crap, can't find it. I think I got an A- in it).
Okay, I'm off (obviously :P) and going back to working on this project with Mark. At least until class starts.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 5:39:00 AM ( 0 comments )
1/31/2007
The House of Mirth
I think that should be the title of my Life Story, my biography. I swear no one in the world laughs as much as I do. Between Mark (oh god Supersmart Boy is a riot, but his psuedo-Rain Man is what gets me) and being ticklish, between my classes and just, the world. I swear I never stop. I think I really am crazy.
Meanwhile...across town. I had to order our cells finally. Took me long enough, I guess. I was so spoiled with Evie's plan and the discount and stuff. Now we're barebones, with cheap-o phones, and it'll be nearly 80.00 a month. *sigh* But we gotta stick with Verizon so its free to talk to Mom and Evie, so c'est la vie.
I heard from Emy recently (Hey Girly! *wave*) and she has promised me updated photos of my baby. You know, its awfully difficult to explain how I ended being a Babydaddy, considering that I'm, um, a chick. I'm so excited to get home and hug my mom and Tim, but seeing that little girl (and her Mommy) are right up on the top of the list too.
Alright, its time to take my broke ass to class. Somebody send a prayer for me because I think we have a quiz in Bio today that I haven't studied for. *sigh* Oops. Guess I should have filled out my calendar a little more precisely (thought quiz was next week :/).
So sayeth Pheenie @ 12:36:00 PM ( 1 comments )
1/24/2007
Bring Me Your Enemies. Lay Them Before Me.
Not even one full week of classes down and I'm already ready to clock-out and saw 'screw the degree'. LOL. Its a frustrating, wonderful thing, collegiate life.
I'm not even through this semester and I'm already worried about Fall. I should be able to wrap up the last few GenEd reqs and move full-on into my last major requirements. But holy crap - given my not-so-brilliant performance thus far in my English course - I'm beginning to wonder if that's not really a good thing.
I keep losing confidence in my strong suits. Odd, isn't it? How that works.
Meanwhile, Mark does his best to reassure me that I'm not the biggest moron on Campus (Gee thanks, Babe :P) and I keep plugging away. This upper-division English class... its all about reading between the lines for interpratation. Which is, you know, what I'm worst at. I want to read it and enjoy it, and if there's meaning there, I'll see it. I tend to think people who go searching for too much meaning in things are just... well, reaching. Take Dr. K's example of the photo of Olmstead hall. To me, I would say that's a lovely shot that really shows what the building actually looks like. Others would comment that the choice of wintery gray skies shows the desolation college students face, and the solitary face in that window isn't just a kid looking for his class, no...it has some deep meaning about the futility of the human condition...blah, fucking blah.
Maybe I'm not cut out for English. Yet when I think of how little kids read today, I totally want to be the teacher that catches them and says - reading a book opens up a world. Don't make it hard or scary - but enjoy it. Find the things that you LIKE and read them. Literature is for enjoyment.
So, basically... I'll never get hired even if by some miracle I do survive the whole... English major thing :P
Class starts soon. Three hours about Sister Carrie and why my idiotic ramblings were in fact, idiotic. Lovely.
And yes, I still love that lyric (see header/footer of this post) from Breaking Benjamin. Deal with it.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 4:48:00 PM ( 0 comments )
1/21/2007
...a locket which bears the name...
Wow. First week of classes over and though I can honestly say, I'm glad to be back in school, holy crap am I out of practice! Two of my classes should be cake-walks for me, if I just show up and do the work. One - and I already love this professor - is going to be a little more difficult, but I'm sure I can handle it. Its just this English class that'll kill me. I'm already about 500 pages behind because I did not get any refund money yet. The awesome woman at Financial Aid cut me an emergency loan so I could buy books (after I cried, literally, about it), but the refund hasn't appeared in my account yet. *sigh*
Anyway - I should be reading Sister Carrie even now, but I wanted to take a moment to share that I finally finished the re-draft of the Bitch and I've got a great surprise coming for HP! Hopefully he doesn't read this and find out before its time... Ack!
I better get back to my early 1900's American fiction... woot.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 8:48:00 AM ( 0 comments )
1/06/2007
OMG! OMG! OMG!
I don't believe it!
I just DON'T believe it.
This morning, as Mark and I rushed out the door to see Apocalypto (remind me to talk about that later!), I stopped to check our mail. The usual junk was therein contained, by which I mean to say, a bill, an advert, a missing children postcard. And then, scrunched in there and all bent up, was a big fat envelope for me, from Penn State. The big fat envelope from Penn State that I've been dreaming of and drooling about for more than a month. The big fat envelope from Penn State that I've been dreaming of and drooling about for more than a month that told me, Yes, Ms. Childs, you ARE good enough to go here.
Woot! I'm a... Nittany Lion, whatever the hell that is, and in a matter of maybe two years, I'll have my degree!
I'm so excited I could pee.
Maybe I will, soon as I'm done here.
In other news, Mark and I are doing great and we haven't murdered each other yet, though back in November we did celebrate that scary two year mark - actually, we both forgot about it in the whole Thanksgiving/emergency room/drama-filled week that it fell in, but... C'est la vie.
Oh! I was going to mention that movie we endured today. First off, it was COMPLETELY misbilled. It is not the epic story of the end of an empire, it is the story of a man running. Sure, its set on a vague, undeveloped background of a dying empire, but its basically, a man running.
In spite of the way it was shot (and I'm not knowledgeable enough with movie making to be sure how to describe it other than saying, amateurish and hand-cam-like) which reminded me of all the bad D-List movies we've rented from Movie Gallery, I wanted to like it. I went in with low expectations (given some reviews) but ready for what Mel was going to give me. Instead, I got a wasted afternoon, bad popcorn, and watered soda.
Let me begin by saying I spent the first ten or so minutes wondering if the crappy-ass theatre we went to had slipped in a fake film - like some b-class knock off (The Black Dahlia instead of Black Dahlia, the first of which is a horrid, poorly made horror-style docudreama about a copycat, and the latter being the actual commercial film with big stars and such).
After that, it got worse. The movie consisted of this :
1.Pretty young man goes hunting to establish comraderie with his agemates and to show that he's the chief's son.
2. Pretty boy goes to his camp to show us its an almost idyllic place of laughter and joy and hot paste on some poor guys' penis as a joke.
3. Pretty boy goes to sleep with his pregnant wife and cute little son. Aww. Pretty boy has bad dream, wakes up.
4. Pretty boy's village is sacked by some uber-scary cityfolk and he drops his wife and son down a well for safekeeping.
5. Pretty boy and his friends are tied up like slaves and marched thru the jungle to the big, lavish city.
6. Pretty boy's and his friends are painted blue and sacrificed.
7. Pretty boy avoids being sacrificed due to a lucky eclipse.
8. Pretty boy and his surviving friends are given to the men who captured them as living toys and are told to run across a field where they are target practice.
9. Pretty boy dodges the proverbial bullets and kills the bad guy's psychotic son and then runs.
10. Pretty boy keeps running and is chased by the bad guy & his men.
11. Pretty boy keeps running.
12. And running.
13. And running...
14. Pretty boy sets up a few clever traps and kills his pursuers (the ones that didn't die in the waterfall jump, or the snakebite, or by the bad guy who got annoyed at him...).
15. Pretty boy rescues his wife, who just gave birth to their second son inside the deep hole which is filling up with water, and they escape.
16. Pretty boy sees the Spaniards coming on the horizon.
And that's about it. And it sucked. There were redeeming factors, yes, but overall - it just sucked. It made me rethink my Mel-love (which not even the drunken rant could do because hells, he is MEL-muthafuckin-GIBSON), and that's horrifying.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 10:01:00 PM ( 0 comments )
10/25/2006
And if lifts you up...
Gee, I love hearing Beth Hart in the morning. I cut my luck with a dirty ace.... Blah blah. Its good stuff. Anyway, I've already spewed my adoration for Beth Hart. Leah Andreone's new album drops soon (or has it already? Bah, myspace hates me). And Amanda Marshall, well... I love her too.
Um. This was not the point of updating this morning.
What was, you ask? Only this.
Grass-Roots Campaigning.
Ooh yeah bay-bee! Okay, so its all going to begin with just me and a website. But maybe it'll catch on. And even if it doesn't, it should. Because so much that is wrong in this world is OUR fault. Truly. So, look for Mea Culpa and The Customer is Wrong and Constant Acts of Kindness - all coming your way soon :P
In other news, NWN2 is coming out next Tuesday and that's a terrifying thing. Looks killer though. :)
So sayeth Pheenie @ 5:52:00 AM ( 0 comments )
8/27/2006
Smiling Faces
Wow.
So I'm not really updating the site lately, am I? Tsk. You know, its going to be another yet here at S-C.com soon - okay, in like three months. But still.
I can't believe how fast time passes. For instance, it doesn't seem like nearly a year since I updated the 'updates' blog, but the last 'date' was September of '05. Here it is, late August '06. Jeez. I've been living in PA for a full year now, and that's hard enough to believe. That means I haven't seen my monther in a year (come Labor Day). That means Mark and I have been together two years in November. That means I've known him 2.5 years. That means its been a year since I talked to Daniel - and I miss him, believe it or not. That means its been more than two years since I saw Christopher. And I don't miss him, as a boyfriend or anything, but I worry about him sometimes. I'm sure he's fine. But its hard not to worry about people who were such a big part of your life for so long.
Anyway...
I really haven't been spending much time online lately. As little as possible, in fact. Sometimes Mark and I will log-in, RP a little or kill some Zombies. But usually we're writing, or working on our PnP campaigns (I'm getting together stuff to run an Underdark one. Rawr.) or watching movies. Lots of B-Rated horror films. Woot. And lately we started getting TV on DvD (which may be the single greatest invention in years!). A bunch of shows I never saw, seeing as I haven't had TV/Cable in years, are now released on DvD so I get to catch up with pop culture. I adored Desperate Housewives, its campy but fun. I liked Lost, but I'm not as drooling over it as people were at the time. I'm excited to get Season 2 of both shows though. I loved 24, but we haven't finished the first season yet. Still, my absolute favorite show of those we've rented... Prison Break. I FUCKING love that show.
Ugh. I've got so much to do and Mark's only gone for an hour or two, so I better run.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 8:14:00 AM ( 0 comments )
7/06/2006
Missing In Action?
I'm not really as AFK as I appear to be. Mostly Mark and I have been enjoying this crazy Zombie Survival server I found. Its pretty fun. He's working on a PnP game to DM for G and Jennifer and Jason and Jasmine and I that's inspired by this world. Which I think will be pretty awesome.
Ugh.
Haven't written much lately that I care to post, though I can definately point you toward my MySpace where I posted the whole Fiona Shimmerstep Chronicle. But hells, that would involve admitting I have a MySpace space.
The coolest thing that happened recently was re-hooking up with Shannon. Yes, the infamous Crozzie/Anke/Shan of days long past. My childhood/teenage best friend. She's - get this - married now. To a guy named Tom, not a half-bad lookin' guy either ;) Trent, my pseudo-Godson (it was destiny, I tell you!) is gorgeous and he's getting SO big. I can't wait to see them when I get back to Washington.
If I ever get back there. But that's a whole other tale.
Been reading a lot. Dodging the inevitable, you've been with him for a year and a half, living together a year (Saturday! Woot!), WHEN are you getting married, questions and generally... ahgning out.
I'm so happy with him its sick. Naturally, there are a few rare times when I kinda wanna smack him upside the head and say 'Dude! Stop being dumb!' but mostly I'm laughing and loving and really hoping he doesn't get sick of me just yet.
How is it possible to be so secure in a relationship, and yet insecure about certain things? Like, I've been living with this man two days shy of a year and I'm still like 'What if he changes his mind today?'. Its weird. Because other times he looks at me, yes, big silly, stupid, fat, cute, funny, crazy, bitchy, passive-agressive Josie... and I can see it. I can see how much he loves me. In that same amazing way I love him... its crazy.
We're crazy.
What was the point of all this? And when did I stop using indentations? Holy shit, I'm losing my English major points!
So sayeth Pheenie @ 7:10:00 PM ( 0 comments )
4/30/2006
Veni, Vidi, Vici!
You know what? Life is really weird.
When you wake up at 10, the world at your feet, with years and years ahead of you to have fun and learn and decide and do... you can't WAIT for it all to start and it seems like everyday is just the last day before tomorrow comes.
When you wake up and you're nearly 26 (oh God!), with only an empty Diet Soda can at your feet and your boyfriend snoring on the couch beside you because you were up late on a Tuesday watching new releases and never did make it to bed and you've got an old lady kink in your back and no health insurance to fix your broken tooth and the answering machine is full of people who you should call and don't want to and you have to face yet another day of paperwork and drudgery on the way to a weekend, which will only be too fleeting and then send you plummeting back into Monday... it seems like every day is just another last day before tomorrow comes.
What I want to know- No. What I NEED to know, is where the FUCK is Tomorrow?
I love my life, generally, I do. I have an amazing man (even if he snores) who loves me (despite the fact that I snore) and an okay job with some really good people. We have some cool friends (even if they don't seem to have time for gaming lately) and some awesom relatives. I've got people who I love and who love me on both coasts, and that's incredible.
But there are days, when you look at the stack of bills or the pile of DvDs that are accruing late fees on the TV cabinet, or the fact that you've done four loads of laundry this weekend and there is still MORE to do (and there's only two of us here, for Heaven's sake!), and you just want to scream and run and I don't know... smack someone.
Any volunteers?
Erm, on a less angsty note, I reupped at the gym and Linda and I are going in the evenings after work. That is both a great thing and a yucky thing. *chuckles* But at least this time my potential future mother-in-law (*crosses fingers*) doesn't hate me and is willing to do it.
Grr. I should go back to writing for real now. *waves*
So sayeth Pheenie @ 5:07:00 PM ( 0 comments )
4/25/2006
Perky Ti- erm...Tidbits!
I don't have them. Its a sad fact of life. Maybe one day, I'll have money and bravery and vanity on my side, and I will rush over to see Dr. Bloodratchet and have him yank the girls up to where they ought be... Or maybe I'll just cinch up my bra, slip in a few gel-tabs for lift, and pretend I've got the best pair since... um... one of those girls with a great pair.
Meanwhile, I took a super-lame meme this morning and it turns out that I am black coffee - as opposed to say Quattro Vente Creme de Menthe Macchiato, I guess. It apparently means 'At your best, you are: low maintenance, friendly, and adaptable, at your worst, you are: cheap and angsty. You drink coffee when: you can get your hands on it. Your caffeine addiction level: high.' Well woo-hoo for me. I hear Tate is the same thing, which is just about right.
An in other news, whilst I bitch more and therefore earn my most prized nomiker, I cracked a tooth that I'd already had issues with after I lost the filling(s) there last autumn and have been in wretched pain for four days. Having no insurance, I have to wait until pay-day (Friday, joy) and then spend all my hard-earned money getting it fixed.
Or I can continue to suffer.
On the other hand, Mark and I played Final Fantasy Tactics for hours and hours Sunday and yesterday and not only does it reinforce my love for him knowing that he'd do that with me, but it totally makes me wanna play other games all over again. Damn it!
Off to work. *sigh*
So sayeth Pheenie @ 5:51:00 AM ( 0 comments )
4/22/2006
Currently...?
Rather than updating my 'Right Now' page for real (since it still reads as if I hadn't yet moved home - er, here)...
Feel: the lingering tingling pain of a charlie horse.
Need: more hours in the day and/or a different/better job.
Wish: I could skip back and forth between here and home at will.
Want: the weather to make up its damn mind! One day its 85, the next 48 and I can't decide if I'm ready for the AC or still need the bed heated! *sob*
Am Reading: Starship Troopers by Heinline, The Guilded Chain, a Tale of the King's Blade by (I forgot...but I love that book)
Am Writing: Fantasy, romance, war, death, destruction... all the good stuff. I'm in love with the heros sister and I think I've written him as a big pussy...so its off to re-write and edit I go.
Am Watching: Lots of horror movies lately. We saw Hostel (*shudder* so disturbingly...ew) and Wolf Creek (such potential, but super lame and overrated) and Return of the Living Dead : Necropolis (bad) and Stay Alive (kinda fun), and Camp Slaughter (...hehe, high school kids made that I swear - not scary or bloody or anything even remotely entertaining) and Hells, a bunch of shitty horror movies. The Cave, The Hollow, Undead, Death Tunnel, Stranger Calls (the direct to video version), Hillside Cannibals (that one was made by Middle Schoolers)... the list goes on and on and they're ALL bad.
Am Listening To: 105.7 the X. So rock of the general radio variety. But the commute home is made lovelier by my iPod and three songs - Jamiroquai's Canned Heat, Jinusean's How Deep Is Your Love?, and Beth Hart's Lay Your Hands On Me. Plus, anything by BFS. I annoy and amuse people in the Capital Beltway Monday through Friday by rocking out in my car. Rocking the FUCK out. LOL
Am Craving: Nothing! Cravings are for WIMPS! I don't NEED my chips or my cheesecake or my sweet sweet delicious little morsels of peanut buttery delight and *drool dribbles from the corner of my lips* ...NO! No cravings!
Am Buying: today we go to buy pieces for the Samurai!!!! Muahahhahaha!
So sayeth Pheenie @ 7:15:00 AM ( 0 comments )
4/20/2006
Because life isn't complete without obligatory flashback sequences....
This one time, at bandcamp...
Erm, no wait. That's another tale of woe and redemption for the ages. The story I've got to tell is one that only the truly stout of heart and bored of mind should bother to read.
And it begins...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Once upon a time, in a little decrepit farmhouse in a small, dusty speck along a long and lonely road, lived two strange and glorious creatures. They did not husband the land, no, but instead enjoyed a life in the rural surrounding with greenery and animals just outside their windows - taking pleasure in the labor of friends and neighbors.
The elder of the pair was male, with gingery curls that had been tipped with peroxide, and a smile that lit the world. The younger, a female, longed for the carrot-colored hair of her youth, but settled for the deep auburn that puberty had cursed her with. She loved to laugh more than just about anything else - save, of course, for her companion.
Their love was platonic, cousins by blood and best friends by choice, but you've never seen a pair as matched by the Gods as they. Hours upon hours, the pair spent side-by-side indulging in their lightest and darkest of desires and interests.
But bosom buddies, no matter how close, cannot live on laughter and Ramen noodles alone - and this pair was no exception. He worked, she toiled in her studies. But in the evenings and the weekends, they played.
And oh how they rejoyced in it!
All things Square and the burgeoning, barely begun web, occupied many waking hours - and likely some sleeping ones as the female had the bizzarre tendancy to drift-off and then awaken again in the middle of a session.
For the last breath of summer, through the blustery autumn, and into the depths of winter, the pair laughed and gamed and poked fun at strangers using various disguises and occasionally the nomiker 'Posie'. And all at once came the end of the year, the last hurrah of a nearly dead millenium, and the welcoming of the new year. This one would hale the coming of the new age and next winter, the Prince's prophesy would finally come true. Oh yes, they would party...and it would be, 1999.
But this night, this grand mid-week night that would go down in the history of the one known as a rather cheerful starchy root and the other as a saccarine fruit of a rather orange nature... this night they would share.
The third member of their party for the evening was a long-time friend of the female, with short, sassy curls of artificial ruby-black. The pair, temporarily a trio, would spend the evening puzzling out the most horrific, grizzly deaths possible for all evil pursuiants and getting themselves increasingly terrified as the abyss that was Night crawled down around them and the horrifying images that flashed before them burned deep into their psyches.
Between the moving pictures that haunted them even once they'd ceased moving, and the tendacy of such creative people further frighten themselves by expounding on possibilities... the trio was shaking with laughter and terror and as they all climbed into their transport, they huddled forward - away from the backseat - and tittered their absolute belief that there was something (or someone) in the rear who would any moment now tear through steel and springs and polyester filling and ugly tan-colored fabric with devilsh strength and proceed to tear them limb from limb, disembowling and possibily even violate them - before AND after their inevitable deaths.
By some obvious miracle, the trio made the journey safely to their destination, where they filled their larder with provisions for the night ahead, and then - and the very Hand of God must have shielded them from the psychopath's demonic fury - returned to the decrepit little farmhouse in the small, dusty speck along a long and lonely road without molestation.
Except, of course, for that which they themselves perpetrated upon the poor, defenseless creatures who had the misfortune of living with our dear hero and heroine - the felines known as Octavian, Juno, and Andramada (oh who are we kidding, they called her Snatch).
~*~*~*~*~*~
To sum up? Back in 1998 my friend Sassy Beansprout aka Lenora came to spend New Year's Eve with Happy Potato and myself, Sweet Tangerine. We were living in Thorp (in a house I have lived in on several other occasions since with two other companions, neither of whom were quite as much fun as my darling HP) and we scared ourselves silly playing Kagero and watching horror movies and when we drove into town for soda and popcorn... we really did scream and shriek and convince ourselves that there was a Jason/Freddie/Michael Meyers lurking in the trunk.
Oh, and we didn't really molest the cats - but when we would pet them and rub their bellies we always called it kitty molestations. Nothing perverted, just kinda inappropriately funny.
Much like me.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 5:50:00 AM ( 0 comments )
4/16/2006
Handcramps
...my hand is still sore from all the exertions of last night, curled up on the couch with my baby.
*cough*
Well, he was sleeping (snoring, in fact) and I was writing - longhand. I've taken to doing that a lot lately because a) I can carry the whole notebook with me everywhere and pick up directly where I left off, and b) because there are fewer distractions (ie the internet, video games, et cetera) in a spiral notebook than on my computer.
I was up until nearly three a.m. scribbling like a madwoman. I only pray I'll be able to read it when I go to transcribe.
Some of it is golden. I'm already in love with Sefiro's sister, though I'm not quite sure I adore him the same way I once did...but the times they are a'changing and frankly... I can't love all my characters equally. The one I love most, in this new project, is the long dead Emperor Graymane. He is the most celebrated, beloved, honored man in twenty generations or more and at times he is almost revered as a God.
Of course... he wasn't all sunshine and light, even if it was for the good of everyone (or so he believed, but then...don't most tyrants say that?).
I haven't introduced the so-called heroine yet, the yin to Sefiro's yang, but she'll make an appearance shortly. I hope I can write her the way I see her, which I failed to do adequately when I first started out with this little idea.
In other news, a guy with a sense of humor truly is the sexiest man in the world. Mark makes me laugh so hard I cannot breathe - literally. Until tears stream down my cheeks and snot dribbles from my nose. Until I have actually have to leave the room, doubled over in convulsive fits of laughter, to compose myself.
And that, among billions of other reasons too numerous to count, is why I love him.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 2:03:00 PM ( 0 comments )
4/12/2006
The Juices Are Flowing...
Ewww. Not that kind you sick pervy...um... pervs.
The creative kind! I put pen to paper and scribbled all evening and spewed out... well, I'm afraid its crap... but its something anyway. The murder of a small boy is a great way to begin a novel, right? Neck snapping good times!
PS - I finally got to see Wolf Creek last night. Pfft. Totally not what it was hyped to be. Hardly even visceral at all and definately not more gory/graphic/disturbing than say... The Hills Have Eyes (2006). But there were a good 30 minutes where I was on the edge of the couch and all worked up, so it had a LOT of potential to rock. Sadly, getting shot in the back is a cop-out in a torturey sort of 'gritty' horror movie as this was touted to be and the death you never get to see... bah. Worse, the final escape/chase scene is like...ten seconds of escape, zero chase...no tension.
On the other hand, Silent Hill opens this week, Hostel is on DvD next week, and in the meantime, I've got more writing to do.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 8:29:00 PM ( 0 comments )
4/04/2006
Motivation...and stuff.
What motivates you?
Don't laugh, I'm serious. What motivates you to get up, day after day, and do what you gotta do? To go to work, to go to the gym, to go to the store...whatever mundane thing it is...what makes you do it?
I ask this for two reasons. One, I'm contemplating my own selfish evil little motivations currently, and two - as research for an as-yet-unannounced Josie-ism. Hopefully someone'll take me seriously and answer *chuckles* But I won't hold my breath.
What motivates me? Hah!
I go to work because if I don't, Mark will beat me. Oh-my-GAWD I'm just kidding. I go to work because I have to; no loftier purpose than that. Occasionally I'll go because I have a deadline to meet or someone specific depending on me, but usually its done out of sheer...obligation.
Speaking of work - since that's like, all I have to talk about except what I'm writing which I won't write about because its awfully pretentious (not to mention redundant) to write about what you're writing about, did I mention what I do?
I'm the Toll Dispute Lead slash Customer Service Representative for the Pennsylvania Turnpike Commission's EZPass Program, Commercial Division. Try saying that two times fast...hell, try typing it once. (omg, mark is so insane - such a baby). Don't worry, I'm not a real Commonwealth employee - yet. Muhaahaha, but... alas, I work my ass off for these people.
They are stupid. Both the company and the clientele. So, in order to do what *should* have been done some years ago when this whole Commercial EZPass thing began, I set out on a mission. A mission to create a document, complete with illustrations and easy-to-understand language, that would walk our customers through the simple (yet constantly fucked up) task of logging into their account managers via our website.
*sigh*
This 'illustrated' guide, that has put me in such good graces with all the uppity-ups and muckity-mucks, took me all of twenty minutes one afternoon during some rare 'down' time. I used three programs to design it. One, the browser so I could pull up our website and take print-screens. Two, Microsoft Word. Three, MSPaint. Oh yes, that's right. In the year 2006, in a world of digital artwork that'd blow Picasso's brains out, I am working graphic design in... *duh duh duuuuuuh* MSPaint. Woot.
Seriously though, I whipped together this little illustrated walk-through in twenty minutes one afternoon and gave it to my supervisor who just went 'eh, that's nice' and shrugged. A few days later, after spending (literally) one FULL hour on the phone with a perfectly nice, college-educated woman in a position of power within a rather successful company trying to explain to her how to access not only her account, but specifically how to download the invoice detail... I expanded my walk-through to include the basics of turning the crappy, impossible to read TXT file into a lovely, easy-to-manipulate Excel spreadsheet.
When I reprinted it all, the new expanded edition, I took it to my supervisor's supervisor - because I wanted permission to fax it to one of my poor, computer-illiterate good ol' boy customers (whom, by the by, I adore if one can adore her clients in a professional manner) who was having trouble.
She was impressed and gave me leave to fax it. So I did.
Maybe three days or a week later, my supervisor came to me with the revised edition and said that she and Annette had discussed it and were sending it to the muckity-mucks uptown for approval to include it in the packets we send out with each new account.
I nearly crapped myself with joy.
Okay, not really, but I was pretty psyched. This sort of recognition can only be a good thing when you're hoping to impress the big cheeses. Which, of course, I was (am?).
But a month, maybe six weeks, went by without a word so I languished into despair knowing that they'd probably hired some poor graphic artist to re-work this silly thing and paid him more for one week's work than I'd made in nearly a year with the company. Bastards.
But today my supervisor came to me with a smile and asked if I would not only tweak my first walk-through but then write two more, I really did almost crap my pants in joy!
So I wasted a good...three hours this morning, breaking the first walk-through into two, adding a twist on the second one, and composing the third they'd wanted before I finally broke new ground.
I've become the Toll Dispute Lead (unofficial title, but damn it, all the calls get x-ferred to me, so I am TAKING the title) because last summer no one else wanted to even LOOK at the Disputes...so I did. And I essentially took them over, completely. When anyone has a question about them, who do they ask? That's right, they ask the Josie. Jersey and Delaware customers call-in just to ask me stupid dispute questions. I am the mother-fuckin' QUEEN of the Toll Disputes.
But, they are the bane of my existence. I hate them. I hate the people that file them incorrectly and then bitch at me for sending them back rejected. I hate everything having to do with them.
So today I spent an extra hour of my time doing those presentations and in fact, wrote a fourth. This one was for my own sanity. This one... this was explained (start to finish) how to fill-in and submit a CORRECT dispute. Muahahah! I win!
Um, this is longer than I suspected and Mark's out of the shower so I will be hitting post now and giving up my train of thought for an entirely different sort of train (mmm, the freight train of looooove, Jackie Collins-style!)
~the Josie
So sayeth Pheenie @ 5:23:00 PM ( 0 comments )
4/03/2006
From Beyond The Grave
*insert creepy crypt music here*
Ooohhhheeeeooohhhh....
Greetings, friends, from the shallowest pit of the Abyss! What? You didn't think the Bitch could go to Heaven straight away did you? Pfft! I'll be paying my dues here in the cushy minimum security wing of Hell for a bit.
Hah.
Alright, just had a giggle. Apparently there's rumor back home that I killed myself. That's just about the most absurd thing I've ever heard - short of the gossip that Scarlett Johanesson (she of the perfect D-Cups) wants to play a 14-year-old in an upcoming movie.
Oh wait. That last thing is true. *blinks* Erm...
Well I maintain that I am alive and well and certainly not dead. Admittedly, central PA isn't the be-all-end-all of the world, but I'm happy enough here and I've got the love bite to prove it! (Too much info, huh?)
That's all. End of general announcement.
Oh, and btw, King Kong was much more fun than I expected but Memoirs of a Geisha made my weekend.
I <3 Ziyi Zhang only marginally less than Alyson Hannigan and my tasty Heath-flavored tidbit. But those three are a distant, pathetic second to the man I call 'baby'.
~Sweet Tangerine, aka the Josie (better known, however, as The Bitch)
So sayeth Pheenie @ 8:46:00 PM ( 0 comments )
3/15/2006
On This Day In History...
Okay, not this day in history, as today is the 15th and this happened 3/19/05, but what the hell? Let us celebrate a truly, truly remarkable day in Josie-dom. Oh yes, the return from PA wrap-up! (Note : Certain boring bits removed for space and um...space)
And like the Phoenix...
She shall rise again. And so I have.
The trip was a blast, considering we really did spend most of the nine days on his couch or in his bed. Hey! Its not as bad as all that!
Truly, we were land-locked (if I ever meet this Doug guy I'll punch him in the nose...kidding) so we really did sit around watching movies, talking, getting to know each other. I have never been so comfortable with a guy as I was sitting there with him. From the minute I got off the plane, in fact, it was easy between us. JosieNote: I have since met Doug and I absolutely did NOT punch him in the nose, though I have considered it a time or two! More later!
Hmm, so the tale of the trip? I suppose I owe that some explanation. Got up, got ready (make-up and everything!), and - even though they were late, of course - got in Bex's car and drove to Sea-Tac. They dropped me off, assured me I couldn't chicken out, and zoomed away. I went to see the man at the curb about my ticket and he said my flight had been delayed until that evening (this is at 7 in the morning, fyi) and that I'd have to go inside. So I did.
(...omitted junk)
I panicked in Dulles, I panicked the entire 50 minute flight to Harrisburg, and I panicked while we disembarked.
Then, miraculously, I stopped panicking. I don't know why, perhaps because it was too late to change my mind? I strode quickly from the gate, scanned the area for Mark. I didn't see him, but I didn't stop to look and just plowed my way to the luggage claim. After making an ass out of myself (all black luggage looks alike!) I began to freak out again... Oh my god he didn't come. He didn't show up. Oh my god what do I do?! Yes, so stood the Josie, looking around the small terminal for her dear friend, when a little lady in a bright red hat tapped her on the shoulder. "Miss," she said and pointed to the big, tinted windows,"I think there's someone waving at you."
And there was, thank God. Waving at the window was Mark, yay. After almost killing myself in the big revolving door, I stepped outside, met him with a smile and he gallantly took my bag. The guard wouldn't let him leave the car unattended so he couldn't come in for me, but he allowed him to come to the window to get my attention. Whew.
So, climbed into his car (it was a car at this point) and drove home. He pointed out the evil McDonald's where he used to call me for hours instead of working. We laughed, and talked. It wasn't intimidating or scary at all. Yay.
(...omitted junk)
Then I got rerouted AGAIN on the way home and had to go through O'hare. That's right, one of the busiest airports in the US. On a Friday night. *mutters* Then, they made us sit in the plane on the runway for an hour because the flight team was late arriving from St. Louis. It was snowing and I just wanted to be home - since I couldn't be in PA. *sighs*
That's right, no details will be spilled, but we had a great time (well, I did anyway :P) just hanging out. He is a fantastic kisser, as I figured he would be. I hope to go back, and possibly have him out to meet my own crazy friends and family one of these days.
(...omitted junk)
Though I have to be honest, I am crazy about this guy.
I'm going back to harassing him while I still can. Woohoo.
*sigh*
I was so hyper and crazy when I got back. I missed this man so much and I hardly knew him. Hells, I have loved him for...um...rapidly approaching two years, and lived with him for about nine months and sometimes I am amazed just how much there is still to learn about each other. But that's not the point, the point is that today he was making a delivery about two miles from Mushroom Hill, which is about one mile from my crappy office on Derry Street. So when I called him on my lunch break, he was nearby and we met up at the building site... and did a little kissing in some stranger's not-quite-finished garage on what will probably be a very picturesque suburban lane one day (when the other houses are built).
And all I can say, is thank GOD Emmers and Bex made me get on that plane. The past year has been, by far, the happiest of my life and I thank Him everyday for the blessing that is Mark's patience and love (yes, patience is necessary when dealing with me...you all know that!).
Really, I just wanted to brag about some afternoon delight ;) Kisses count!
So sayeth Pheenie @ 6:35:00 PM ( 0 comments )
2/25/2006
Holy Hells!
Oh lord.
I did something bad last week. Which I will not be posting here because its too horrifying to show (...do the words 'Ronald McDonald hair' mean anything to you?). Today, I got the balls up to fix it and went to see Jaci at the 'salon' (heh).
She was so sweet. Mended my boo-boo and gave me a pretty flattering cut too (or so I think), which is a miracle given my current um...looks. Shorter than I expected, but good.
This is the new Josie-look ™ and its not too bad. Mm. Mark surely seemed to like it... Oooh I came home, laden with delicious Long John Silvers (another tirade in the making, actually) and new hair and he actually BY-PASSED the food in order to... erm... *grins* Anyway, suffice it to say he seemed to like it.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 10:00:00 PM ( 0 comments )
2/15/2006
Oooh...Its Magic!
Let us not discuss why I am home (with all sorts of stomach badness again today - more cramps than puking, but they're sharp and painful, not to mention the sudden need to run to the bathroom for other reasons *cough*) at 12:30 p.m. on a Wednesday...
Instead, let us discuss the coolest thing I've seen in ages. This is exactly what I would have wanted as a kid, when posters where a no-no. Oyyy! Also, I think if I ever have a child, they will have something spiffy and cool like this.
Meanwhile, I think I'm going to go buy a mop and clean this pigsty once and for all... *sigh*
So sayeth Pheenie @ 12:32:00 PM ( 0 comments )
2/14/2006
Bloody Hearts
How horrible was Valentine's Day in Josie's house?
Actually, pretty good. No mushy card really said what I felt for him, and no amount of 'I love you' would sum up my gratitude for every day I spent with him.
So basically, he got nothing.
But what does my beloved bring home today? Just to prove that not only does he love me, but he understands me?
Paint Shop Pro X.
Yes.
He has known for ages that I worshipped PSP back in the old days of version 4, version 5, all through the JASC years and on into the new Corel years... And when his little tender Mark-heart decided upon what to bring home? Paint Shop Pro (for my new web design efforts) was the choice.
And he didn't stop there.
He also brought home a new Sony DVDplayer to replace my ancient Toshiba dinosaur which tried to run Boondock Saints a day or two ago and gave up the ghost finally (which is a pity, I really dug that movie when I finally got to watch it on the computer).
And... a stack of old 'Dungeon' magazines with DnD adventures and junk.
Tell me again, what is there NOT to love about this man?
In other news, we rented four movies and ordered sinful pizza from our favorite pizza place in all PA and sat down at the computer for a few minutes to check our emails and wait for that cheesy goodness to arrive.
An hour later, we were still waiting.
But they're always on time and when they can't find us they call, so we called to check up. And he said the dude had left 15-20 minutes ago.
Another hour later, we are still pizza-free. We are hungry, and I'm getting bitchy because I won't last long enough to watch even one movie at this rate. So we (Mark) call again.
That rat-bastard son-of-a-bitch not only quit in the middle of his shift and made off with the pizza AND the cashola, but he quit BEFORE he delivered our junk! I mean- what kind of sick bastard leaves us hungry and tired at 9:30, ruins our V-day feast, and forces us to order inferior Papa John's pizzas?!
Fuck.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 9:30:00 PM ( 0 comments )
2/13/2006
Cor Blimey!
he's the biggest halfling I e'er saw!, cried little Eupheginaia Bramblebuck, commonly known as Jade, when Jason's six feet, six inch tall human barbarian looked down at her and spoke in perfect, if gruff, hin-speak.
Anuk and Martin went missing this week, probably off on another bounty (but if DM Mark has any say about it they're off boning wildly somewhere), and Isaboe and Jade were introduced. Was a pretty good time, even if Pat's PCs 'pet' kobold Bubabi kept grabbing Jade's ass.
Actually, it was a good weekend all around. Avoided the gym two days in a row (ack!) but we had two dates and a whole day of delicious gaming on Saturday.
Hmm. It began on Friday, when we decided - being too tired and too late to go to Garth's, to go see Underworld : Evolutions. I have a whole diatribe on vampirism and stupidity in movies and stuff, but overall, I enjoyed it. Definately had some moments of 'ooh!' in it, and at least this time the Vamps were more than 'humans with teeth' (as in the last one).
It continued on Saturday as we dragged Pat over to Jason & Jasmine's and rolled some dice. Despite being compared to Paul and called a loot whore (oh my GOD I'm so bitter about that!) just because in a fit of near-death rage Jade cut off some dead dwarf's fat fingers to get at his rings, it was lovely playing Jade. Felt a little sorry for Bubabi (the kobold Ahkmed 'healed' and paid to serve him in his quest for Gastonosity) when he got incinerated by that delayed blast fireball, but... c'est la vie.
P.S. What kind of rogue fails her damned reflex save?! Seriously!
Moving on.
Sunday was a lazy morning (*grin*) followed by getting all dressed up and ready to go to the gym around 1:30. Just as the hit the front door, the phone rang. We paused to hear the machine... it was Ralph. We'd forgotten our promise (on Friday) to go see a movie with him Sunday. Being the sweet, sweet people we are... we ditched the gym and went to see Final Destination 3. It started 30 mins after we spoke to Ralph, which gave us just about...twenty minutes to get there. We made it. He...did not. We were standing in the theatre lobby, waiting, as the last moments before the film began...and we called him. And he was still at home. *mutters* So we said, Firewall starts at 2:40 and When a Stranger Calls at 2:50. We'll wait and see whatever he gets here in time to go into.
He made it at 2:37, we went to see Harrison Ford and the tasty morsel of limey goodness that is Paul Bettany. And thus begins my final thought of the morning?
When does a young, studly, sex symbol become too old for this shit? Mel Gibson and Danny Glover asked that eight years ago in Lethal Weapon 4. Bruce Willis, Harrison Ford, Sylvester Stallone, the VanDamme/Seigal boys, ...they all keep showing up in movies like this. And don't get me started on the Rolling Stones (or Aerosmith, and God knows I love them)!
So when is too old?
Harrison Ford, one of the older men I've always loved...since I was a child learning what those tingly feelings would one day mean as I watched Indiana Jones... is too old.
And, since all these guys were making the 'action' movies 20 years ago, shouldn't we have a new crop of 'young' stars by now? Making those same 'action' movies? Why don't we? And if we do, who are they? Mark Wahlberg and um.... um.... *thinks hard* that other guy?
C'mon Hollywood, bring us a new generation of studs to worship and watch blow shit up! We're tired of boring teen slasher flicks (and when they're rated pg-13 they don't even count) and lame 'romantic' comedies. Bring on the guns and cheap laughs! Explosives and sidekicks and lines like 'Yipee-kai-yay motherfucker!'! You can do it! You've done it for years! Who cares about the intelligence and wit when you're watching some hot 30 year old man with a tight ass flirt laviscously with some damsel in distress while they go on a mission of chaotic vengance against the evil bastards who a) killed his wife, b) kicked his dog, c) kidnapped his small child! We have faith in you (not to mention the tight asses!)!
Ahem.
*climbs off her soapbox*
So sayeth Pheenie @ 6:30:00 AM ( 0 comments )
2/08/2006
I Am Not Your Rolling Wheel...
I am the Hiiiiiighway... I am not your carpet ride, I am the skyyyy! I am not your blowing wind, I am the liiiight'ing! I am not your autumn mooon, I am the niiiiight.
I just dig those lyrics. The song? I can take it or leave it, but I love the lyrics. The image there... Makes me want to write about two particular characters again. *sigh*
Anyway, my boy and I are on our way to the gym. Again tonight. Ack. And we're meeting Jason & Jasmine, and I think Pat's coming too. The DnD group that gets buff together... um... PnP's together? Um... something. Anyway. We're trying to get Linda to join with us too. I'm excited. I made a goal list today, while I was on the clock, getting paid...
It sucks. But its realistic, I think. Which sucks. LOL.
Hey!
A week or so ago, I spent like 20 minutes in the afternoon putting together an illustrated 'guide' for our customers (Screenshots and info) about logging into their accounts. I gave it to my Supervisor, who was like 'ho-hum, thanks'. But apparently she liked it enough to pass it onto the Head of the Dept., Annette, who is passing it onto the PTC people in hopes of getting it added to the official junk. Woot! Go-Go Josie brain!
Oh crap! Mark's up and putting on his pants. That means its time to go lift weights, burn calories, and all that jazz. Why am I excited?!
So sayeth Pheenie @ 6:07:00 PM ( 0 comments )
1/29/2006
Moving On
Ah. Well, it took me nearly two years, but I kicked the SF addiction to the curb once and for all today. After being told that I am the single-solitary reason that everyone is leaving/has left SF, I asked myself... 'Josie, if you can't stand to log-in as a DM, and you don't have any PCs left to play, why hang on?'. Well, the answer was Mark. But Mark and I have, thank god, found other ways to fill our time in the evenings (and the gym is a lovely thing, lol) and even when he stopped clinging... I remained. Why? I don't know, and I don't care.
But its over, I'm done, and I can breathe easier knowing that live or die, its not my fault or my problem anymore.
In other news, neither Cybil nor Anuk died this week, though I was sorta hoping Anuk would, just because I'm finally feeling like I have a handle on things mechanics-wise and I want to try someone with more personality and um... well, who doesn't suck. LOL.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 5:31:00 PM ( 0 comments )
1/12/2006
Time
I dunno what happens to it all. I swear that it was just July, and it couldn't be more than a month or so ago I was preparing for Evie's trip to PA, and wasn't it just last week we were having Thanksgiving/Christmas with the family at Linda's?
All I know is that I've been here six full months and Mark and I celebrated not only one year of 'togetherness' but our first Christmas, New Year's Eve, PnP Game, and a bunch of other stuff and it seems like I got here yesterday.
I've met a bunch of the guys, in fact Cybermancy sat in this very room a few days ago and laughed with mirth as much poor Anauroch warrior was more or less 'enslaved' by her party member (thanks entirely to his stupid NPC :P). G, finally met him. Mikey P., of course, and Garth and Ralph.
Its very weird though. Not them. Well, yes them. Very much them, in fact. But its weird that I still don't really have any 'girlfriends'. Jasmine and I can hang out. But we don't really, and the chicks at work either come and go too fast to be friends, or see right through my desperate attempts at humor. Those bastards ;) But seriously... its weird.
And on that note. I will probably continue to not update this because everyone can now read it... stupid forums...grrr.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 9:49:00 PM ( 0 comments )
11/30/2005
Feeling Bad for Feeling Good
Let's not dwell on how long its been since I last updated. Please. Instead, let us concentrate on the now. The now that involves unexpected door-knockery and old friends showing up without warning or notice or.. um...
So it wasn't a bad thing. Mister G showed up on our door tonight. Vastly different from when I met him online a year and a half ago, but that's probably a good thing. Not scary - well... ;)
The point of this is that he came seeking friendship and probably to feel better about the fact that he never tried to hook up with the fat chick (lol) after his new girlfriend left him.
...and here I sit with a big stupid grin on my face... ridiculously happy (mostly) with my man and my world and stuff. And when I say that, realize that there are always issues and stuff, like I kinda hate my job and I'm tired of SF and so Mark and I pick at each other about it. but... overall? Sickly happy. Digustingly happy.
And I felt bad because he's all smiles and trying not to freakin' cry and I'm like 'hah, at least I'm still happy'. You know?
Bah. I'm loving it.
I'm loving him.
And I finally got to meet G.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 9:43:00 PM ( 0 comments )
10/08/2005
Bad Josie! Bad!
Its only been like, a month and four days since last I wrote. *cough* Things are really just crazy here. Days go by in the blink of an eye and before I know it, its October.
I've been here three entire months as of yesterday. July 7th - October 7th. How insane. And I love it here. The summer sucked heat-wise, but the Fall is rushing in and we've had glorious, clear, crisp days. OF course, its been raining heavily for 24 hours and we're in a flood watch (I live on Bridge Street, lovely. Right near the Susquehana which I know I misspelled).
Work is still work. Everytime I look up, another person is gone. How sad is it, that in the span of just about three months there, I am now the next-to-most senior person there. The only person who has been there longer than me in CVO is Linda, who has been there 3 years. FFS. Amanda just left this past week; moving to Virginia with her Navyman and I kinda miss her. She was great fun.
Writing? I've done a ton of it for SF... especially with my Drow House project coming up... in fact, that's probably what I've dedicated most of my time to for the past two months. Building the areas, writing the scenario, getting people excited about it.
Its finally coming to fruition, which rocks. Reandel has (apparently) sent the update to Sam so its just a waiting game to see when he gets around to it. Yay for that. I am really looking forward to this. Reandel gave me free-reign to build my own Menzo (which I did and am pleased with) and to run a drow house. I made up rules for this project, its hardcore RP... *sighs* People seem excited, and even after I closed the application process, I've got two or three who've applied or ask to apply since then.
Should be fun.
Meanwhile - the thing I should most likely need to talk about is Mark. I love him. He knows this. That was the big development of September - although, it wasn't exactly a surprise... I told him how I felt before I even moved here. But... on the morning of Stephanie's wedding (Which I ended up missing for related reasons) we were lying in bed, just spending a Saturday morning in one of my favorite ways when he looked over and told me he loved me.
*sighs*
It was very sweet. Like a movie... only real. And it did touch my little Josie heart to hear it. You know, just the other day, we were driving somewhere (to Jeannie's, I think to drop off rent monies) and he started talking about how much he wanted to make me happy... *sigh* And then - perhaps the same day, I'm not really sure anymore - we were flipping through radio stations and he found 'Three Times A Lady' on one of them. He started singing it to me... I got a little weepy. Not in the typical girly way, of course, but because that song always does. My Dad dedicated it to my mom... it was their song. That plaque hung in our house for...ever... with the lyrics and music and their wedding photo... Anyway. He is an amazing, incredible, intelligent, loving man and even when he makes me insane and I want to kick his smug little teeth in - I think I am probably one of the luckiest women ever, just because he loves me.
How's that for sap?
Damn. I can't even get through a post without turning feelings into a joke. Mark laments my inability to be serious about feelings/emotions, to take a compliment, or to be romantic without having to skid around it with humor...
Its not an idyllic relationship, but I like it.
Laced as it can be, with mandarin-flavored Absolut and LiveWire Mountain Dew with Orange Juice... *cough*
So sayeth Pheenie @ 8:56:00 AM ( 0 comments )
9/05/2005
Guilded Chains
Don'tcha wish your girlfriend was hot, like me?
Thus sang my mother at a bar in New Cumberland on Friday night. Or so I'm told by my sister. Yes, Evie's big surprise was not that she was arriving early but that she was bringing my dear sweet mother with her.
I cried.
And then Evie and Mark had a titanic clash of wills and sense of humor (or lack thereof) and all hell broke loose.
I cried more.
Okay, that's over-dramatizing things. A little. It was a horrible, tense clash. And the whole weekend was tense and clashy. But Mark and I are happy, and that's really what matters to the fam. So... I should be thrilled.
We did a lovely dinner at Duke's with Jason and Jasmine and Evie and Mom on Friday night. Went shopping Saturday morning/early afternoon just us three Childs chicks... then spent the evening at Kipona (a spiffy street fair/art market in downtown Harrisburg). Then all day Sunday at Hershey Park (uber-drama ensued, but we had fun anyway, and I am redder than I've ever been...EVER). And um, not much today but avoiding more drama and saying good-bye.
I love my mom to bits. No one doubts that, least of all her.
My sister, however... she doubts my love for her. She's hurt that I didn't stand up for her went Mark told her to lose the attitude, but I agreed with him - at the time she was copping one. I don't know if we'll ever have the same kind of relationship again.
But I do love her. I admire her, and all she's accomplished. She's made some great choices, and she's a beautiful person inside and out. We never see eye-to-eye, but we never have. It broke my heart when she told me that she doesn't think I appreciate all she's done for me... I've never been good with emotions. Not expressing them, not accepting them... nothing. I don't know how to show or even say that we're sisters by blood, but friends by choice. Its cliche, but its true. My jealousy is a direct result of how much I look up to her in general.
And she has no clue.
... My grandfather died on Wednesday night. They weren't going to tell me until they showed up Friday afternoon - but I told my mom on Thursday how I'd had a dream the night before that I was home and he died and she started crying. So there I was, in the middle of the Turkey Hill surrounded by bitchy people trying to scoop up gas before the prices went up again on their lunch hours... and I start bawling.
I don't know how else to handle it.
He's happy, we all know that. He's wanted to die for years.
But its my poor mother I worry about. I love her so damned much.
Now I'm going to go sip my vodka hurricane, kiss my boyfriend (whom I tolerate and actually, who I love...shush, don't tell him that), and eventually - go to bed.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 7:56:00 PM ( 0 comments )
8/19/2005
Boo Got Shot!
Oh my god Peaches, Boo got shot! Who go shot? Boo got shot! Boo shot shot! I was like Bitch you better not and then Boo got shot!
...oy vey. That was a clip on the radio at 5:30 this fine fine morning. Its drizzly and horrible. I love it.
Its been a long week for Mark & Josie. There has been car trouble and electricty trouble and DSL trouble and pretty much every kind of trouble except romantic trouble. So that's good, I suppose. My first full paycheck will fall into my hands today and I am weeping with joy although I suppose it will be teensy and I'll cry when I read it.
I don't think there are any big plans for this weekend - though last weekend I got to meet his lil sis Ange (who was great), her hubby Christopher (who I really liked. great guy), and their three beautiful boys Micah, Caleb, and Noah.
We actually did a 'double' date last Saturday with Ange and Chris...saw Four Brothers which Mark and I really liked though I think they were a little put out by all the cussing and death and mayham.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 5:06:00 AM ( 0 comments )
8/01/2005
Half-Breed
My father married a pure Cherokee. My mother's people were ashamed of me... Half-Breed, that's all I ever heard. Half-Breed, how I learned to hate the world. Half-Breed, she's no goodly one. Both sides were against me from the day I was born...
No, I don't know why. Cher came on Winamp as I clicked *blogger* in my favorites menu. I feel like babbling, but I probably shouldn't. Things always come spewing out when I do so. Muahaha. True enough though, true enough.
We're supposed to be at Hershey Park today, but alas... Mark's playing NWN (as per always) and I'm wandering around cleaning and fretting and reading and cleaning and et cetera. Yeah, the Josie is cleaning. By choice. Who knew? *gasp*
Mm. Was a nice enough weekend though. My dear little fella had a birthday. I think everyone called to wish him a happy one - so that was nice. Not that we ever answered the phone. *snicker*
Ugh, I gotta go to the bank soon and cash my check. Bleh. And try to find the way to work using the freeways. And return that movie. And I should attempt to drag him away from the game, but alas - I can't bring myself to be a naggy, bitchy girlfriend like that.
Plus, time was that I would spend every waking hour on there... of course, I was always drooling in an anticipation of him coming online. Like that makes it okay, lol.
For future reference, just because a movie is listed on the 'New Releases' board at Movie Gallery does not mean that it is worth renting. Case in point - the Zodiac Killer. Terrible, home-made movie. Bah. I figured it was safe because a) the box was fairly detailed, b) there were like seven copies and all but one were out and c) because it was listed on the big board. Bah! Those Movie Gallery bastards should all die ;) Not really, the employees are fairly nice. But it was a horrible waste of 2.99 that's for damned sure.
In other news... there is no other news.
None.
At all.
*sigh*
So sayeth Pheenie @ 12:07:00 PM ( 0 comments )
7/27/2005
Homewrecker by Proxy
Guess what? Today at work I become a Homewrecker by proxy!
Well...the whole department did, as a matter of fact. Some poor guy was convinced by his errant wife that someone stole their car, drove up the Turnpike, got a violation, forged a letter and got a money order to pay said violation, and then returned the car to their driveway as if nothing had ever happened... Um. Yeah. She was 'shopping' with her 'mother' all day. Right. *cough*
The hour long discussion with him was yesterday. The conclusion today was his faxing an apology for the 'debate' to my supervisor. Poor Stephanie had to deal with him yesterday and was so frusterated...
Anyway - the job appears to be one of the most boring things I've ever done on purpose. C'est la vie.
It makes for a long day. I left the house at about 7:10 this morning and returned home just before 6 tonight. Then I had to wait for poor Mark to get home so I was on the balcony for about twenty minutes. We need to get a copy of the key made.
Ugh...
I'm so tired. I promised I would DM tonight, but I really truly don't feel like it right now. I want to coax Mark into a few kisses, find some dinner, and curl up in a cool place to sleep.
Until then...
So sayeth Pheenie @ 5:53:00 PM ( 0 comments )
7/22/2005
Is Someone Getting the Best-
the Best, the Best, the Best of yoooou?
I really dislike that song. But it is now stuck in my little Josie brain. Damn it.
I went out first thing this morning and urinated in a little plastic cup. Given that I've never done any controlled substance...I should pass and that means I have a job. Woohoo.
I then proceeded to drive aimlessly around Camp Hill for awhile. Mostly just getting the lay of the land, since I haven't done much exploratory driving for fear of getting eternally lost. However, I feel much more comfortable on the cracked, bumpy, two-lane roads of the Harrisburg Metro Area so I decided to drive. I think I was sub-consciously looking for the infamous 'Diner' and a house with a hearse in the yard...but I didn't find it. Thank goodness. One of these days Mark and I will get around to it.
Meanwhile, the Josie is still sick and running from the nose. A lot. Its horrible. I think I'm gonna go start building on my Drow project - editing Menzo and such. Bleh. I suppose I should run around the areas and see what works and what doesn't...huh?
So sayeth Pheenie @ 8:20:00 AM ( 0 comments )
7/21/2005
Crackwhore!
Since I am not a crackwhore, pothead, methfiend, or any other sort of controlled substance abuser, and since there is no reason I can think of that I will not pass the pee test...
Yes, it appears I have a job. Should start Tuesday. Go me.
In other news, I am sick and I blame Jasmine exclusively.
I also believe I have gotten my baby sick and that sucks. Hopefully he'll survive Friday and then we'll have the weekend to *wink* recuperate.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 8:44:00 PM ( 0 comments )
7/19/2005
Ashes, Ashes
We all fall down.
I've an interview at 9 this morning - so I should be leaving here shortly. Its at Giant (a grocery store) for a position I'm certain I have zero interest in taking. But its close to home and a good thing to have if I get shut out from the agency this afternoon.
I've been an exemplary girlfriend since I moved in, you know. Its rather scary. Here comes Josie, getting out of bed before Mark to make his lunch. There she goes, washing his laundry, buying Gatorade and lunch meat with her last few dollars so he'll have food for lunch. Cleaning house. Massages and affection of a more physical nature. ... This is just, like...bizzaro world. In what alternate universe does a Josie turn into a dutiful little woman? Because I never did this for Christopher, that's for damned sure. I hardly ever do this for myself, to be frank.
In other news, its hot as hell again today so I'm going to interview number one without a morning shower but I'll come home afterwards and get all clean and sparkly for interview number two.
Woo.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 7:21:00 AM ( 0 comments )
7/18/2005
Guy Ritchie isn't a Total Wanker
I know I must've watched Snatch before - when I was here with Mark in March - but I don't recall much of it. So I watched it this morning and I gotta say...Guy Ritchie isn't a complete retard. I rather liked it.
In other news, I spent two and a half hours lost on Friday and missed my interview. Which blows. I called to apologize and beg forgiveness, but since I haven't heard from Traci, I can only assume they say "Fuck you, Josie" and move on.
I haven't heard from PFEEA yet, but I'm hoping. Meanwhile I've got another interview tomorrow at 2 pm in Harrisburg, and since its a Temp Agency I suppose I can be fairly certain they'll use me.
Fuck its hot here. I'm sitting here at rest, at 9:25 in the morning, and I'm sweating like a pig. I hate sweating. I hate heat. I hate a lot of things.
I hate alcohol, that's for damned sure.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 8:18:00 AM ( 0 comments )
7/15/2005
Wish Me Luck!
All cleaned up and dressed up and ready for interview number one. Yay for me.
Oy vey. At least the morning radio show is funny here.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 7:05:00 AM ( 0 comments )
7/14/2005
Adjustments
Imagine my surprise, when my holey t-shirt wearing, unshowered, unshaven boyfriend showed up at the restaurant last night in a pristine white dress shirt, nice khakis looking all freshly showered, sporting a little bling (haha...okay, just a watch but it sounded funny in my brain), and looking - frankly - damned tasty.
So no, things aren't bad. When he talks about the future - its always 'us' or 'our', which is great. But living here is a series of adjustments. I almost feel like I moved to Japan, things are so different.
Okay, that's overstating things...I mean, we drive on the same side of the road, and speak (mostly) the same language...but subtle things are so weird. None of the streets seem to be labeled on the over-head stop light poles. You have to STOP on the on-ramp and yield instead of merging. You have to cross six towns to go to the Mall. You can BYOB to the restaurants. They don't seem to have my Cheddar & Sour Cream Ruffles (Which is probably a blessing in disguise) but they DO carry those old school 'the Works' ruffles which taste like loaded baked potatoes and which I haven't seen in years. There is a dollar store, grocery store, nail salon, and bank (of various brands) every ten feet but I have yet to see a single patrol vehicle or police station. A Mc Donald's or Subway on every block, but only two Burger Kings and no Jack-in-the-Boxes at all. I did hear that there is a LJS nearby though, so that's cool.
Never in a million years did I think I'd end up in PA. Never. The East Coast was off-limits as far as I was concerned...
But I suppose I should go put on some clothes, step out into the suffocating heat, and spend the afternoon with my allegorial sister-in-law watching Buffy and relaxing before my first interview at 9 a.m. tomorrow. Woo.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 11:17:00 AM ( 0 comments )
7/10/2005
The Journey of a Lifetime
...begins with a single step.
Or, in my case, it begins with fifty-some hours on the road. The good news is that I survived the trip, more or less in tact. The better news is that we appear to get along. Is there bad news? Hmm...
I learned a great many things this week. Preparing to leave, leaving, all the driving, getting here. Oh yes, the Josie learned a lot in a very short period of time.
- Mapquest blows.
- Montana goes on forever. Literally. I think I'm still there.
- Texting one-handed while barreling down the highway is not a really good idea.
- Shelling pistachios will keep you awake - even after twenty-eight hours on the road.
- Chicago is the devil.
- The further East you go - the nastier the public restrooms get.
- This is a gorgeous country; majestic, incredible natural beauty.
- This is a gorgeous country filled with bitches, assholes, and bad drivers
- Even though I spent a good portion of my 60 hours on the road on the phone - I don't consider myself one of those bad drivers.
- Chicago is the devil.
- Sleeping at well-lit public places (i.e. gas stations, rest stops) is not as easy as one might think. For one...they're well lit. For another...they're noisy as all hells.
- The white lines really do talk to you when you've been driving for forty-some hours on three hours of sleep.
- Bubble gum will also keep you awake - *chomp, chomp, blooooow, snap, repeat*
- Toll roads suck my ass. They add up real quickly too...
- Toll roads should be better cared for than regular ones - since they cost so much to drive on
- Pennsylvania does not like me. The skies opened up and tried to drown my little car for no apparent reason.
- Pennsylvania reminds me of where I grew up - the North Bend/Snoqualmie area.
- Only with jerkier people.
- And greasier pizza.
- Chicago is the devil.
- Mark is a fantastic kisser.
- I miss home - but I think I can adapt to this place...eventually.
- There are more country stations in this country than can possibly be healthy.
- There are tons of femme DJs on the rock station here.
- I still miss Rob and Todd in the Morning. And to be honest, I'm still in mourning for Darien O'Toole! Darien I love you! *sob*
- Yes, Chicago really IS the devil.
I have always loved driving. After this little trek of mine - I think it'll be a loooooong fucking time before I do it again - and preferably, NEVER alone.
I didn't make it out of town at the planned time of 6 a.m. I stopped to see Tim and missed him (by a matter of minutes - I left the DC from the back just as he arrived at the front). I stopped at Super 1 to see the Boss Lady, and Anne, and Emy (I miss her!) and Bex. Those chicas kept me out there talking for almost an hour and it was 7:45 before I made it to I-90.
The first leg of the trip was fine. I drove, stopped for gas, drove...et cetera. Idaho went by in a flash. Then came Montana. Beautiful, evil - Montana. My poor baby just did not like climbing the Continental Divide, though she thrived on the rest of the trip (thank you car Gods!). Montana does go on forever. By the time I reached Billings it was about...eight or nine PM and I'd been on the road since the dawn of time and was ready to stop. But I could not, would not, rest until I had escaped the evil that is Montana.
So I pressed on and eventually, I made it to Sheridan, Wyoming. But was that far enough for our intrepid adventuress? Oh no. Even though she was fading rapidly, has terrible night vision, and was driving about fifty-five mph in the dark, the Bitch decided to keep her mother up most of the night and continue on. So I made it to Gillette, WY by about one a.m. I pulled up to a Shell Station, rolled down my windows and prepared to sleep.
Umm...let me preface that by saying that my car was completely packed. I could not push my seat back to recline. I could not stretch out at all. So after about two really uncomfortable hours I went into the station, bought pistachios, washed up a bit, and hit the road again.
Most of Wyoming and South Dakota (which goes on almost as long as Montana and is less pretty) is a blur. I drove. Then I drove some more. I hit Minnesota in the early afternoon and then crossed into my beloved Wisconsin. Or at least what WAS my beloved Wisconsin. I don't think I'm very fond of it anymore. I kept driving and stopped at Madison to eat by myself at Denny's.
Oh yes, Denny's. It was like...nine I guess. And Aldemar, my tasty little server, was painfully friendly. I felt so badly because after um...two full days on the road (not using the AC to save my gas...stupid Josie) I was a little 'ripe' and um...must've looked like ten or twenty kinds of Hell. I left him a three dollar tip on a six dollar bill.
From Madison I entered Illinois, which I didn't mind at first. But then...then I met Chicago. My arch-nemesis. I hate Chicago. I fucking HATE Chicago. I will not go into the reasons. No. I will not dwell on the fact that there was bumper-to-bumper traffic at midnight on a Wednesday. I will not bitch because there were toll booths every five feet. I will not whine about the motherfuckers cutting me off, zipping around at 100000 mph, and riding my ass. And I will certainly not discuss the shooting that caused a big tie-up and convinced me once and for all that I am not born to be a city-girl. Instead, I will just say that my poor mother had to listen to me navigate through the gates of Hell at midnight, after thirty-six or so hours of driving, on two hours sleep, and calm me while I panicked, cursed, and cried. I just wanted to be done with this stupid trip.
But was it over? Oh no. Not by a long shot.
I made it through the Devilcity and pulled off to sleep in... *thinks* Oh yes, one of the Travel Plazas (nice ideas, btw) near Gary, Indiana. I managed to get about three hours of rest before I pushed on.
I know I drove through the entire top of Indiana (yawn), I think I peeked into Michigan for about three seconds, crossed Ohio (yawn), and made it into PA. At which point I was so tired I couldn't even think. It was about...seven local time when I pulled into the apartment complex...trudged upstairs...got a hug...and was ushered into the bathroom.
Ahhhh...Shower....
Anyway - it was a long, terrible trip that was great and has so far been totally worth it. He really is a great kisser.
I think it will take me years to figure out how to get around here - but I'll manage. I always do.
For now, its six in the morning and I'm tired. I think I'll go curl up in bed with him and try to sleep...
So sayeth Pheenie @ 4:27:00 AM ( 0 comments )
7/03/2005
I'm Here For The Party!
Gonna have a little fun, gonna get me some. You know I'm here. I'm here for the party!
That's the ringtone Evie assigned to herself when she gave me my cell for my Birthday (best, gift, ever!) I missed her call just a few minutes ago, but in the silence that is my suite of rooms today (no radio, no tv, no MP3s), it is stuck in my head.
Today is Sunday, July 3rd in the year 2005. My name is Josephine Marie Childs and I am twenty-five years, one month and twenty-one days old. In less than two days I begin a journey across mountains and valleys, across rivers and lakes, across prairie and desert...across the very fabric of time itself.
And I will do it all...for the nookie.
Okay okay okay, not really. A little bit. W-eeeelll... Anyway. Yes, in like, forty-five hours I will be on the road. My little green car will be filled to bursting point with my useless junk and my life will be forever changed. Of course, just by typing this my life is forever changed if everything is an ever-evolving chain of events that send your path rippling through space and time and- ACK!
I'm going a little crazy with anticipation and worry. Mostly worry about driving 3000 miles by my lonesome. Whew. He seems pretty excited. I hope he is. I'm totally going to invade his happy little cocoon - in a much more profound way than I would have if I had made the trek to be a roommate last September.
I said good-bye to Tim on Friday. It wasn't as heart-wrenching as I feared, but I cried on the way home. He kept guilting me by play-by-playing my arrival (This is the last time Josie will cross the Lawn. The door opens for the final time) and my departure (One last time, Josie steps across the threashold).
I said good-bye to Auntie Donna and Aunt Pattie on Thursday. I *had* said my tearfilled good-bye to Ebi-san as well, but I believe she is coming over today for a little bit.
I need to see Emily...and Bex. Anne and Elaine and the others at work (most will be there tomorrow).
And my mom. God love her...she'll be home all afternoon with me today, then tomorrow she'll help me pack my car. Hells, I'm going to miss that crazy woman. I really do love her SO much.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 11:06:00 AM ( 0 comments )
6/29/2005
There She Goes...
Soon, baby, soon. Packing/cleaning today. A couple hours work in the morning tomorrow and all day/evening with Evie (pedicure, manicure, shopping) and then dinner with Aunt Donna & Aunt Pattie. Tim's Last Day on Friday, all day. Work 5 a.m. on Saturday and then the afternoon with Bex and, hopefully, Emmers. Sunday, work at some point and then spend the evening with my poor Mother. Monday, the 4th of July, work at some point and then pack up my little green car and then... 6 a.m. Tuesday the 5th... there she goes...
But in my cleaning today I found some interesting little tidbits. I wrote this poem (I think it was supposed to be a song) at least five years ago. It made me giggle, so here it is :
you do things to me baby,
things I ain’t ever done before,
everytime that I see you coming,
I wonder how high we’ll soar.
you spin me
you change me
you make me
everything i wanna be
you chase me
you craze me
you wake me
and now finally i can see
you take me places baby
that i ain’t ever been
anything that feels this good,
has got to be a sin.
you groove me
you free me
you take me
anywhere i wanna go
you move me
you shake me
you let me
give all the love that i can show
i knew it when i met you
and i’ll know it once you’re gone
eveything i feel for you,
so real, so hard, so strong.
you thrill me,
you hold me,
you keep me,
safe from wind, and rain, and strife.
you feel me,
you know me,
you love me,
more than anything in life.
See? I was (AM!) such a nerd. Oooh, but there's more!
I wanna go back
to that place in time
when living felt good
and your love was mine
whatever happened,
to the way things used to be?
i thought you’d hold my heart forever
but you set me free.
i will
‘round the void of heartbreak
through a galaxy of doubt
past the point of no return
and once i’m over the ache
i will figure out
how brightly my star burns,
without you
*snickers* There you go. Ack! Found another one.
cast your eye on me so softly,
that i may not feel your scorn.
lay the truth upon my breath
surround me with your magic
blanket my tired soul with your love
keep my weary body close
soothe my battered pride,
and never shall i feel alone.
I kinda like that one. What else is there in this little file? Hmmmm...Oh. Damn, nothing else. O'well. I'm sure I'll find more as I delve deeper into my history files.
I lost to Michelle last night, in what may be our final card game until I get dumped and come home. But, she brought Cheesecake, so all is forgiven. Besides, I still beat Mom.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 7:37:00 AM ( 0 comments )
6/25/2005
I Finally Got to Jack Off!
So shouted my dear, sweet mother as the three of us played a round of the as-yet-unnamed card game that we are all so addicted to lately. She's a nerd. Now you know where I get it.
Evie was over this evening. Played cards, took a walk, talked. She's so sweetly concerned about me and this whole move thing. She says she feels like the older "been there, done that" sister when it comes to men and all these 'what ifs' keep coming to mind. Its nice to know she cares. Half the time I'm pretty sure she is either disgusted by, or doesn't like, me.
But the three of us, sitting around the table swapping jokes and jabs and stories and laughter and Evie (who just learned the game tonight) kicking our experienced butts; it was a great evening. One that I'm sure I'll miss.
No matter how excited I am to get there and be with Mark.
God, I am getting some nasty allergies this summer. It sucks big big big time. I'm always sneezing, or watery-eyed, or headachy from sinus pressure... ugh.
Crap. I gotta get to bed. Its nearly midnight and I have to work at eight... And then its 5 a.m. all week. Woohoo.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 1:36:00 AM ( 0 comments )
6/24/2005
Screw You Guys, I'm Goin' Home!
Ahh, Cartmen, I respected your authority. I swear.
Once upon a time I totally watched South Park, almost religiously (but not with as much verve and fervor or as avidly as I watched Music Video Heaven - my Monday night Korean music fix on the International Channel...). Once upon a time I downloaded half the episodes (literally) and watched them just for the hell of it.
Never once did I want to be a character on the show.
Until now.
Okay, not even now, but you have to admit, I'd be damned cute if I were one...
More importantly, how cute would my boy be if he were one? Waaaaay cuter than me. As usual. That bastard.
Anyway, just because I had so much fun playing around with it, here's the link to the spiffy flash site where I made these. Planearium2. Do it. Now.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 5:10:00 PM ( 0 comments )
6/22/2005
Gimme the Beat Boys
And free my soul, I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away...
My earliest memory (and one of my favorites to this day) of Emily, is closing with her when I was a dear, dear newbie in the deli department. And listening to her belt that out with the Muzak station when it came on, late in the evening. I think I knew right then that I loved that crazy chick. I am going to miss her so damned much.
...so my notice is in. My last day in the Deli/Pizza department is July 4th (Independance Day anyone? Too poetic? *snicker*). Then I will pack my poor little green beast and drive some forty hours east. Alone. Boy oh boy, that sounded fine at the time, but not so much now. Maybe if I sleep during the day, it would be safer?
I don't know the crime statistics, but it can't be THAT common to get raped/killed/robbed at a rest stop...can it? *sigh* I'm a little panicky about that, now that the date is set and such.
Boss Lady announced my imminant departure to all the managers at their weekly be-bop session yesterday so as I went upstairs for lunch, JB commented on my quitting. Then as I shopped for potatos and shampoo - Matt (the store GM) was stocking in my aisle and he wanted to know where I was going and why. He seemed terribly surprised that a) I had a boyfriend and b) that the insane man liked me enough to have me move in. Bah.
So tomorrow morning I get to have a sit-down talk with Tim. He really will not be happy with me... but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. I hope he understands.
Oh God, is this completely insane?
Yeah, probably.
But I definately don't have any compunctions about being with him. So it should be fine. Assuming PA and I get along.
Someone remind me to buy a roadmap.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 6:14:00 AM ( 0 comments )
6/21/2005
Charming You is a Challenge
You've got these strings attached like bondage. For you I'll bring the Holy House down. We'll get some peace and help our sorrows drown. Lay at the altar with me, let's live deviantly. Maybe through you I can find God. Don't tell me that you love me. It seems so final when you love me. Even the blind see, it looks better when there's mystery. I lay my hands on you, it'd be selfish its true, but healing you could heal me too.
Wrong is right come Sunday morning. We'll see the light come Sunday morning. Forgive ourselves come Sunday Morning...
I could keep going. I love Leah. But I wont't. Moving on. (No more fingerprints on you that aren't mine...).
Tim's gonna hate my latest update in Misadventures. *sigh*
But at least I finally updated. I need to remember to code a site for Mark this week. Bah. It won't take too long.
Speak of the devil...
I think I'm going to push things too far too fast.
I think (with his apparent blessing) I am going to put in my notice tomorrow (weeks early) and gather my goodies for a trip East a couple weeks early. I can't take it here anymore and all I can think of is being with him.
If it ain't gonna work out, I can come home.
But if it is, why wait?
And he genuinely seems to want me there.
*sighs* But I'm scared and silly and yet all I want is to be with him. Now.
Please.
Thank you.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 1:00:00 AM ( 0 comments )
6/12/2005
Only the Strongest Will Survive
There's nothing left, so save your breath. Lying in wait.
That must've been used in a movie, and if it hasn't, it should be. But I kinda like it. Blow Me Away, Breaking Benjamin.
Moving on.
I have babbled a lot about Mark lately. I have, I just scrolled down. Some of its great. I mean, I'm a girl in love, so why not babble? Some of its terrible. Showing my doubts and fears and insecurities. Some of its...just rambling.
Rawr.
But I haven't talked to some old friends much lately. Some I've avoided on purpose. Some I've just lost track of in recent months. Some avoid me. Which are you? Email me. Call me. Say Hi. I may be a little...crazy, but I'm still just Josie. And chances are, I miss ya.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 9:00:00 AM ( 0 comments )
6/10/2005
Happy Birthday Happy Potato!
Oh yes, my favorite potato turns twenty-*cough*nine*cough*-FIVE today. How wonderful for him ;) Spent all day over there, was pretty fun, yes indeedy. Finally finished Shadow Hearts:Covenant...but I found both the Good and the Bad ending horrible and dissatifying. Karin? Yuri's mother? Wait- what? Nooooo! *sighs* At least Anastacia got to run away with Kurando. They're so sweet.
In other news, I asked Jym for the receipe for the delicious 'duchess' style potato cakes he made tonight and he gave me the Cookbook. I am totally taking it to PA with me and cooking for that jackass that I love so much. Bah.
Ooh. I never did share my happiness the day after, did I?
Right. So he came rushing home (it seems) and called me immediately - to apologize. Profusely. And all was well, really, I had already decided to forgive him. Mainly because, though I admit this rarely to myself or anyone else, I do love him.
Well, I had an epiphany on Saturday. Emy and I could have driven on a cliff and died, and he would never know how I felt. So I made up my mind to tell him, just once - so he'd know - that I loved him. So Sunday, just before the arguement began, I went downstairs to make lunch for grandpa and decided once I went back upstairs, I'd tell him. But the afternoon was ALL downhill by the time I got back and after a few hours, I finally talked him down, and offline...and called. And during this frusterating, horrible, tear-inducing, miserable conversation - I told him that the reason I had wanted to call before all this, was to say, I love you, for the first (and only) time.
Well, it was not how I wanted to say it, or hear it. Not at all. In person preferably, or at least when he was coherant enough to realize what was freaking going on! Ack. Anyway, so Monday afternoon, we talked again. And he apologized. And he said that the only good thing that came out of Sunday's fiasco, was that he remembered me telling him that I loved him. And that it was a first. And that, compeltely in control of himself and sober, he loved me too.
Well joy.
No no no, really, its good.
I just don't take the word lightly. I don't think he does either, which means he probably means it.
And at the time, I was a little misty (yes, stone-cold Josie) and kind of happy. Then I talked to Ems, and she made a little offhand comment about how he had probably only said it to get out of the doghouse. And then I told Tim, and he made a similar comment. And now I'm like...fuck.
Bah.
What was my point again?
I don't know. Time to go. So tired. Like, ten hours later.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 11:08:00 PM ( 0 comments )
6/06/2005
I Tear My Heart Open
No no no, I haven't heard from Mark since last night, but I didn't really expect to...it was probably a harsh morning for him. I sort of hope it was. He came so close to losing me yesterday.
That song 'Scars' by Papa Roach, just happens to be the one playing (oops - now its Self Esteem, Offspring).
Last night ended up being kinda fun, afterall the sobbing and stuff was over. Michelle came over and Miss Judy and I played cards with her for a couple hours. Laughter all around. Those two are crazy.
So now I'm sitting here with what, five more days ahead of me, and no clue if I even still have a boyfriend. No, that's not true. I do, but I'm not sure where we stand. Ugh.
Lay your hands on me, one last time.
Please? *pouts, sad eyes* Pretty pwease?
So sayeth Pheenie @ 10:48:00 AM ( 0 comments )
6/05/2005
Why Do I Love You?
From "the light at the end of my tunnel" and "the only woman I want from now until the end of time" to "fuck you, bitch" in twenty-seven minutes flat.
Its a new record.
Go me. =/
So sayeth Pheenie @ 8:27:00 PM ( 0 comments )
6/03/2005
Sugarlard Soup
and other fine delicasies.
Spent the day at Tim's, which was (as always) fun. Orgasmic bread, turkey, bacon...mm. And then he made these disgustingly concocted layered sundaes. I'm not even sure what all was in them, like; two kinds of ice cream, heavy whipped cream, butterscotch, dark chocolate pie filling, mascapone and sour cream sauce, um... oh, oreo cookie dust... Anyway, when it was all swirled together in a dish, it turned into soup.
But not the silly ice cream soup that we all make as kids, by stirring our dessert into an icy stew. This was... sugar and lard in a bowl. Sugarlard Soup. Yum.
In other news, I'm building for a new 'mod'. There are a few opportunities presenting themselves right now. Its just a matter of time to see which one leads to what. Mark's involved, Emy too. Hmm.
Fuck, I'm sort of sad right now.
Not because of Mark, because God knows, I love that guy. And he's great to me. Truly. Not a single complaint except for the distance.
But because of Mark.
Wait! Before you think I've lost my mind (again) hear me out.
I watched Sliding Doors tonight. And the romance between James and Helen always makes me go 'awwwww'. That isn't the problem, per se. The issue I guess, comes after the movie is over and I can't get that kiss out of my mind. And I realize that its what, two months before I see him again...if then. And as much as I'm crazy about him, and as much as I hope he's as crazy about me... I can't see that same sort of... 'awww' factor.
Maybe I don't really want it, and maybe I don't really need it. I'm not an emotional kind of girl. Much inability to be serious when deep feelings come into play is infamous and much lamented. Even poor Mark has commented on it. When things get 'touchy feely' in the emotional sense... Josie cracks a joke. Josie changes the subject. Josie closes up.
But that doesn't mean I don't want 'awww' in my life. Does it?
He has to know how much I care about him at this point. Everyone else in the world does. Gail, the woman I worked with at the Dollar Store, came into the Deli and Thursday. She had heard I was moving, but not why (p.s. why does everyone in town know? Am I really gossip fodder? The Pizza Girl is moving on? Nooooo!). When I told her I was (hopefully) moving in with my boyfriend, she was like, "I should have guessed. You can't seem to wipe that smile off your face."
People comment on it. Mostly those who really know me. Anne came back from vacation, and I hadn't seen her in three weeks. She pulled me aside to ask what was up. Why? Because I was so damned happy.
I am ridiculously happy.
And yet I am sitting here semi-depressed and getting into a funk. For no reason. I have a man in my life who is intelligent, sweet, fun to be with, makes me laugh...cares enough to be jealous...is always eager to let me babble just to hear me talk... Why am I worried?
Because its too good to be true?
No, its not, really. There are issues, there will always be issues. His questionable past. Struggle to control the drinking thing. Being so far from my family. The fact that I've known him well over a year now and I know nothing of his romantic past (but then, I'm not sure I really want to know anyway).
But there's nothing really bad. I mean, everything I know, or don't know about him, I can deal with. And I adore the jackass.
Maybe that's the problem. That I like him so much. So I'm afraid he'll wake up one day and go, 'Jesus, I could do so much better than this fat chick'.
But that's a concern that you can't ever really get over. You never know. You have to take risks. And going to PA was a risk, and giving my heart up again is a risk. But its one I have not regretted for even one instant.
Why am I babbling?
Ah, because he passed out tonight, probably at the computer, and the silly girl that I am, I'm worried he'll wake up miserable from trying to sleep in that chair of his. Bah.
...yeah, I'm off the deep end, for sure.
I think Tim updated Misadventures, so I should do mine tonight as well. *sighs* Time for bed, I think.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 11:53:00 PM ( 0 comments )
6/01/2005
This is Entrapment!
No, this is blackmail. Entrapment is what cops do to thieves.
Only because that movie was on in the background a bit ago and because I do so love Sean Connery.
Ugh, so the first day of my Vacation was lame - I spent it, as predicted, sitting here on the computer, building for VL. The Whiteoak Arms, which will be inexpensive housing, a boarding house in the city run by Shalisa Whiteoak and her daughter, Niveah. There's a secret passage (currently located in the suite, but I think I will alter that and put it in the basement, that makes more sense) that leads to a series of subterranean tunnels filled with nasties, including Niveah's father's people...who are, essentially, drow (only... not).
Its great fun. If I can get the merchant working, anyway. And of course, Shalisa will be the main merchant downstairs. I think I will have Niveah upstairs walking in circles around the Inn Room, perhaps she'll be the bartender at the tender age of 13. I've decided that Cymbaline, Shalisa's confidant and gardener, will be the Herbalist and have a small shop in the Arms. I may also toss in a food merchant (with special properties) and a tailor with pretty outfits.
We'll see. Ooh! My boy is home. Time to go.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 5:25:00 PM ( 0 comments )
5/27/2005
So What If My Drinking Buddy is 3000 Miles Away?!
It counts, totally.
Right?
Okay, maybe not. I got schnockered last night with Joe. Finished off the Rum with a Captain & (diet) Coke. Did a few straight Rumpleminze shots. And polished off the Cranberry Sminoff Cooler things, probably left over from when Ems and I bought them like, a year ago. Actually, yeah, totally. They're old. Oh! And part of a Mike's Hard Lemonade that was probably even older than that. Ugh. I'm such a weird person.
I hope Mark's not too mad at me, I'm sure I babbled like a retard when we talked last night. I didn't tell him I loved him or anything silly like that.
Ugh, fat as I am, I am totally dying to be there.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 9:25:00 AM ( 0 comments )
5/26/2005
Leave the Light On
I don't understand how it could take so long for ideas and plans to come to fruition. I know it'll all fall into place soon. But... yeah, for now, it feels like forever.
*sigh*
But, soon. Soon is good.
I love DM'ing sometimes.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 1:26:00 AM ( 0 comments )
5/23/2005
Lyrical Nonsense
I've taken to adding random lyrics - no, not random, lyrics that I like or find amusing or intelligent or weird - to my away message. So if you send me a message while I'm not at the computer (or am, but busy, or just don't feel like dealing with people) you may get something that says....
Don't you think its time we went a bit further? Every night when we say goodbye how can I help looking in your eyes, wondering why you and I haven't hit it. Can we get it on? ...ahh, romantic songs of today. ((Josie is AFK))
or maybe... Bring me your enemies, lay them before me, and walk away. Walk away. Fuck you Firefly, have you lost your light? Now I hate your ways 'cause they're just like mine. So you lost my friend, such a sorry end. Now I don't know why, so I joke and smile. ((...Josie's AFK...))
or even... In my head there's only you now. This world falls on me. In this world there's real and there's make-believe and this feels real to me. ((btw, Josie is AFK))
Yes, I'm a nerd. But as my tirade of a few days said, I do so love lyrics. And artists like Leah Andreone, with her incredible... words. And Beth Hart, as well, Tim got me listening to a few of her songs. Some are really...fucking deep. Leave the Light On. Yeah... Mm...
*turns that song on right now* Yeah.
So what was my point today? Ah. I didn't have one. Surprise sur-fucking-prise. What can I ramble about then? No good stories. Nothing exciting happens. Sometimes I wonder what Mark and I ever have to talk about on the phone every night because other than work, we spend a crapload of our free time together. And really, if I didn't realize that it has been that way for oh...a year now...I'd be worried. Long before we hooked up, we were RP'ing constantly. Carver and Amli. *shudder* And then the strange Fall. And now a great winter and a wonderful spring shaping up to be a fucking awesome summer. Mm. Yeah.
Did I mention that I hit the official 'down 60 lbs' mark last week? Probably not. Since I've still got SO far to go, it doesn't mean much, but I was pretty proud when I started counting down from my super-high and was like. 'Holy Hells!'. Explains why my workshirt fits, and its a size smaller than the one I could barely button at all 60 lbs ago. And why my jeans are always slipping down. I need a belt, or new pants, for the first time in...oh...a decade. No, lol, not really. But I think in 20 more lbs I will be the thinnest I have been since... 2000. And then 15 after that will be the thinnest I've been since Winter Q 1999, when I had lost 35 or so living in Thorp with Tim. Which is still SO fat, but... amazing. And after that, its all downhill... I weighed 178 in 7th grade, and it was all uphill after that. I don't have a 'figure' to remember. Its all new after like... well, its all new period. I'm a different chick than I was even just five or six years ago.
And I'm happy. Its ridiculous how often I find myself smiling for no reason.
Mark, I blame you.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 10:02:00 AM ( 0 comments )
5/19/2005
No Surprise
I like this song. Its catchy. I like their song 'Santa Monica' and a couple others. There are, however, surprises in Josie-land.
I think I chased James away. He doesn't seem to want to RP with me anymore. Which is great, more time to dedicate attention to my boy - because he is so patient when I'm doing two things at once (unlike other people presently and formerly in my life). He deserves my full attention.
So he retired Darias, which means my renewed love for Vayne is short-lived because now she again has no reason to ever be logged in. Still, writing about her the past week has rocked.
My cellphone has twice now gotten bitchy phone calls from chicks, psycho-girlfriends probably, of some guy called Aaron. The one read me the riot act for picking up his phone...the other just made a weird little sob and hung up. Oy. What a jackass this guy must be. I like the cell a lot, actually, its a nifty one in and of itself, plus I can text Evie at any time and I don't worry about being stuck on the god-forsaken road when my poor car dies.
Its only surprising because once upon a time I hated cellphones.
I am a woman who appreciates certainty. I don't like having to guess, I don't like not knowing, I don't like uncertainty. So this whole, limbo, that I keep finding myself in...really blows. It leaves me depressed and sad, even when I'm totally happy aside from the issue. I end up playing Let Me Go, or Scars, or the hard, morbid, disturbing stuff, just because it makes me feel better to know there are people more fucked up in the head than me. Of course, some of it I really genuinely love, but... anyway. Music aside... I hate not knowing. I hate it when things hang in the balance. I want to have specific goals to work for; to know where I'm going and when and why and how much. I want to know.
Yeah, I want to know.
So this indecision and second-guessing and lack of direction is slowly driving me mad and making me doubt things I have no business doubting.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 11:52:00 PM ( 0 comments )
5/16/2005
Sent Away for a Perfect World
One not simply so absurd...
Ugh. I may have had it with SF. I really think I have. I posted a nasty rant today. I think people will hate me. Oh-fucking-well.
In more pleasant (?) news... it is so windy here that our entire house is shaking. Yes, the HOUSE is shaking. Not just a loose shingle on the roof, but the entire HOUSE. Its similar to being in an earthquake, actually. Very unsettling. I'm kinda scared right now, to tell the truth.
I think I am going to go lay down. Or call Mark. Something fun like that.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 7:41:00 PM ( 0 comments )
5/14/2005
If You Want Me - Hold Me Back
Oh. I finally got to celebrate Orgasm Day. I'm such a fan. *grins*
I have proudly worn daddy's ring since I got it. I am in love with it. However, I think wearing it to work is a mistake and I will have to you know, not... do that. But I really do love it. And my cellphone. It made me feel all, 'trendy' and 'special' when I got texted at work. Of course, the ringtone Ev put for herself is kinda lame but c'est la vie.
She likes it, I guess that's what matters.
And yes, that is all it takes to make me feel like I'm a part of the tatooed, cell-wielding, youth culture. I'm such a sad person sometimes.
Still, it was great, and Wade gave me a smile (a genuine one! *gasp*) when he saw me texting Evie back. I've decided I should make a push for Employee of the Month, since I rock so much.
Wow, that was random.
It helps that I'll be gone in a matter of time. I have worked my ass off for that store in the past two and a half year...And there hasn't been a Deli/Pizza EotM since 2003! Emily was once, and Laurie was once (wtf?). So basically, I am campaigning. Everyone write me happy cards so I can become EotM before I run away screaming! Yay!
Write in votes from around the country!
I want the whole world to chant my name!
Or at least, one person to groan/grunt/call out my name. Preferably in the throes of passion.
Did I mention that I love Orgasm Day? Of course, in Josieland, every day is Orgasm Day...
So sayeth Pheenie @ 6:30:00 PM ( 0 comments )
5/12/2005
Birthday Gifts
I have to admit that I have never been a big fan of Birthday gifts. Yeah, its always nice to get presents, but I hate asking anyone for anything and then I feel terribly obligated.
But that's not the issue tonight.
I had an absolutely great (not mind-blowingly amazing, but a pleasant, good, nothing bad happened-kind of great) birthday. I turned 25 with no incidents today. The people I love called to tell me they love me too. I got to talk to Mark (which always puts a smile on my silly Josie face). I sat around and ate my favorite kind of ice cream with Emmers (Mint Choc - the white kind, even - yum). I mowed the lawn. I watched a movie. I got to have dinner with Mom & Evie. It was just an average, good, content kind of day.
And then came the gifts.
Usually, I don't get anything. And that's always cool with me.
But this year, Miss Judy surprised me at the table with not one, but two gift bags. I hate that. It was so sweet. She gave me the Phantom of the Opera dvd (how she knew I wanted it is beyond me, I don't recall ever saying so) and it wasn't even a Previously Viewed copy from Safeway! *gasp* Which is terribly sweet of her. Then, and this literally made me cry (there's history behind the story but I'll save that for another time), she made me open the other one. In it was a little fuzzy ringbox.
What was inside? Yes, a ring. In fact, it was the ring she had made a few years ago, after Dad died. It is his wedding band, melted down (which I was so upset about at the time), set with the big Ellensburg blue agate that he used to wear as a tie pin. I loved that thing. And I have wanted it more than anything since...I was a kid. A week or so ago, I was sitting on her bed and saw her rings. Well, my fat fingers have never been able to wear any of her rings... but I tried them on since I'd been losing weight, and lo and behold, it fit.
I'm wearing it right now. My Daddy's ring. It made my mascara run when I saw the ring... I don't know what's more shocking. That I cried a little, or that I was wearing mascara. Heh.
But that wasn't all. My dear lil sis bought me a really nice cameraphone to go with the new Verizon plan she hooked me up with so that once I move to PA I can still call she and Mom free. Because Lord knows I'll have to talk to them.
So I just feel so spoiled, and so loved right now. Its... a good day.
I think I will go reply to all the (wow, like seven) messages I got while I was gone to dinner this evening... Check my email... check the forums, and then go lay down and watch the movie.
Mm. So I'm older. C'est la vie.
Oh! And I posted a handful of new pictures just now - from tonight's festivities. My sister is so hot it makes me sick. We look nothing alike. And even once I've lost another 2034293434 pounds, she will still be goregous. That bitch, lol.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 11:11:00 PM ( 0 comments )
Happy Motherfucking Birthday!
What a great Birthday. I mowed the lawn. I got a phone call from Evie, and Tim, and Mom. Ems brought me Mint Choc Ice Cream (mmmmm!). And my BFS cds came. Fuck, I am one happy old woman now.
And Mark...yay Mark. *grins*
So sayeth Pheenie @ 6:03:00 PM ( 0 comments )
5/10/2005
Meh!
The best mood I've been in in weeks. Lost two more pounds. Ate a handful of Mentos today (yay). SiSS didn't show up. Thank God. Rainbow socks did their work.
And yet, after a bunch o' BS this evening... I'm kinda bummed.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 10:10:00 PM ( 0 comments )
Happy Orgasm Day!
Oh how I wish I could celebrate Orgasm Day with someone *pointed look across the country to PA* ;) Still, nothing can bug me today - not even the presence of Satan in Sensible Shoes at work - because I am wearing my rainbow socks. And I love them. Yes, yes I do.
Satan in Sensible Shoes (hereafter referred to as SiSS) otherwise known as Jeannie, the head of all Deli/Pizza Departments for the company will be in our store today. Usually I am terribly upset on these days; she could fire me, or get me in trouble, or terrorize us all. But not today. And not just because of my lovely, happy little rainbow socks. Mostly because there is nothing she can do to me that I care about. If I get written up? Who cares, I've only got a couple months to go. If I get fired? Well, that's unlikely - but again, who cares?
There's a certain amount of bliss in having other plans. Now I just gotta pray that he doesn't dump me! *wink*
Scream my name Mary Jane.
Hmm, oh how I love lyrics. They spout randomness that speaks to a chaotic-brained chick like me. Great insight, or humor, or rage, or love, or whatever contained in a few melodic words. Yes, I love lyrics. More than poetry, probably because its set to music and we all know how I feel about music. Music is breathing to me. I'm not passionate about any one 'type' of music, like some people (yes, Rob, I'm speaking to you) are. I see (hear) beauty in all sorts of music, cross genre music-worship yes.
And I know I'm just babbling this morning, but I think if I lived in the D&D world, I would be a Suneite. Probably a big chubby red-headed priestess of Sune, seeking beauty wherever it could be found. Although...I don't think I would really strive to make things beautiful, so maybe my theory is flawed. Still, I'm always talking about finding beauty in strange places.
Like this half-dead desert I live in. I am really going to miss it. The rolling hills and the gouged out cliffs; the brown scrub grass and the vibrant cow-filled fields. I love this place, and though a lot of people think its harsh and ugly overall... I think its gorgeous. Sure, in spring when the lilacs are all blooming and filling the air with their fragrance, its pretty. But even in summer, when the green begins to fade to gold or in Autumn when the living things begin to die, and especially in winter when a blanket of white softens the sharp edges - this place is my home, and I see beauty here.
Yeah, I am going to miss it.
...moving on. Tim finally updated Misadventures last night, so I went and replied today. It could get veeeery interesting, we'll see where he takes it from here.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 9:46:00 AM ( 0 comments )
5/06/2005
Musings
Yes, once again, I have been musing. Mostly on my future.
Its hard - after what seems like forever, but was really only a year or so - to consider that my future actually includes someone else. Which is to say, Mark. Now, the move is in the works. At some point, if things continue as they are, I will be picking up and moving to PA. Which is great, loved it there (at least the bits I did get to see). Plus, I'll get to be with him, which - again, is great. I am so insanely, ridiculously crazy about this guy... anyway...
I have been mulling over going back to school lately. Ever since I got a statement from the DOE stating how much I still owe on my school loan and all that good junk. I suppose I will return to school and get my teaching degree and go spread my love of books and the English language to others. It makes sense. I've always been told I would be good at it. And once upon a time I had a passion for it.
Once upon a time, anyway.
I wrote my sister a letter yesterday. I was thinking about her, and how much I do love her, and how lucky I am to have her as a sibling. I don't think she has any clue how much I do admire and envy her for all she's accomplished already. She got out and did things. I did not.
Its short, but sincere, and I hope she reads and realizes that she's a wonderful person. She truly is...
I'm jumping around from subject to subject on the entry, but my brain is pretty focused. On the future. It just can't make up its mind. And I haven't told Tim that the move is literally in the works. I'm afraid he'll hate me. I know he won't, I mean, he's my platonic soulmate. He means as much to me as anyone else in the world. I love him. But...like my poor mother, sometimes you have to let go...
She's been so supportive, about this. I was afraid she would dig her heels in and fight me on it. I have been here for her, every day, for a year now. Helping with grandpa, watching him so she can come and go as she likes... And now she's like 'Josie, I know you're 25 and you have your own life to live. I want you to be happy'. Not that she's thrilled that I'm choosing to 'live' 3000 miles away, but she is supportive.
And that's what counts.
The point is...I'm seeing the future as a two-person deal again and man, its nice. But its also scary. *chuckles*
So sayeth Pheenie @ 11:10:00 AM ( 0 comments )
5/04/2005
Tangerine Sweetchild
I had a lot of time to think today - while I was forcing my depressed ass to walk (was only going for one mile, ended up doing five, yay). And then when Mom came home and she felt like talking and so...
I realized that he has given me zero reason to worry. None. So I am not going to let myself obsess anymore. Things will happen as they happen. Yes, I'm crazy about him, and yes that means putting my heart on the line, but if you don't take risks you never get the reward and my freaking out is only going to freak him out.
So, time for Josie to grow up and deal with it! Yay.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 1:20:00 AM ( 0 comments )
5/02/2005
Retractions
Are not my style, so I won't unpublish last night's little whiny comment. Its how I was feeling at the time. Not unloved, because I have no doubts that he cares about me - not to mention my friends and family... but unwanted. Yes, no need to go into that but even as the fatness melts away (so sloooowly *cries*) my self-esteem is so low and I worry. Constantly.
Yeah, anyway. I couldn't sleep last night. Talked to Mark for an age, then Daniel for a few minutes, then went to bed. This was by nine thirty. I was still up when the overnight DJ came on at 10. I fell asleep (finally) and slept well until about 1:15. Then I was up again. Laid in bed for two full hours before finally getting up and getting ready for the day. I'm afraid I will be unconscious by tomorrow.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 5:57:00 AM ( 0 comments )
5/01/2005
Two Things
...that's all I want. Two things. I want to be loved. I want to be wanted. Too much to ask? *sigh*
So sayeth Pheenie @ 10:37:00 PM ( 0 comments )
4/29/2005
Troubled
Things get weird randomly and for no reason. I panic easily, and this is no surprise to anyone who knows me. But that is beside the point, I'm not going to discuss why I'm troubled tonight, suffice it to say - I am.
I went to Tim's today...it was glorious, as always. We played Shadow Hearts 2: Covenant, which was a blast. He also fed me horribly rich wonderful food (that unfortuantely, like everything I eat lately, went right through me - ugh!) including a decadent coconut caramel chocolate brownie cake with 'lite' ice cream. After the cake, no matter how 'lite' the ice cream was...I was screwed.
And I only walked three miles today when I got home, which blows because now I'm too tired to go back outside, so instead I'll update the site again and then go to bed...troubled.
But as for Mark, even though the forbidden was spoken, I'm still crazy about him.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 10:56:00 PM ( 0 comments )
4/28/2005
The Newness, Unveiled
Yes, this silly new layout is what I've been doing for the past two days. Had to re-do every, single, fucking, page and it just drove me almost insane. I think I should have used all the stuff Daniel taught me last year, but alas - I'll stick with my old fashioned ways for now.
The good thing is, I'm finally pretty happy with it. No major glitches. I brought back some old stuff, added some new stuff. Bitter honesty, et cetera. Still no 'archives' for this diary though, sometimes are better left dead, I think. I might change settings so more than three posts hang around - but then again - I might not.
Matt stopped by the domain the other day and told me that from what he read, I am a deeply sad person. Goes to show that you can't judge a person by tone of three entries... because I can't remember ever being so happy. I'm losing weight, I've got a couple great friends in my life, and I've got the most amazing guy to mack on. What more does a girl need? Well, other than buttloads of money...
But really - thanks in large part to Mark (who I really need to find a petname for :P) I am the happiest Josie ever and damn it - everyone can just get used to it or bite me!
In other news, Bex and Aaron are supposed to be in town next week. Evie wants to bring her boyfriend over next weekend. I want to quit my job and run away screaming, but I can't. LOL.
Oh! I finished my DM plot - and the finale kicked SO much ass. The final battle was all rp'd out and oy vey. Morn Dundragon versus the Dracolich. Andun Kelmora, Snurl, Siris, and Genar Toffin versus Lord Stet. They managed to kill the lich and 'banish' Lord Stet - but, in the old 'wight' style evilosity of Josie, I have taken Lord Stet to Demi-God status. He is now a divine power who has in fact been freed by the adventureres who only sought to save Nesmé. I think I shall create a Pale Master servant of Lord Stet to use as a player character now. Muahahaha! Chaotic...Evil...Necromancer... Although - we have several of those as it is. Damn. O'well. Someone to follow Lord Stet.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 2:55:00 PM ( 0 comments )
4/27/2005
Almost
I almost got drunk at school at fourteen, where I almost made out with the Homecoming Queen, who almost went on to be Miss Texas, but lost to a slut with much bigger breastes. I almost dropped out to move to LA where I was almost famous for almost a day.
And I almost had you. But I guess that doesn't cut it. Almost loved you. I almost wished you would've loved me too.
I almost held up a grocery store, where I almost did five years and then seven more. 'Cuz I almost got popped for a fight with a thug who almost made off with a bunch of the drugs that I almost got hooked on 'cuz you ran away, and I wish I woulda had the nerve to ask you to stay.
And I almost had you. But I guess that doesn't cut it. Almost had you, and I didn't even know it. You kept me guessing and now I guess that I spent my time missing you, I almost wish you would've loved me too.
Here I got thinking about all the things I could've done, I'm gonna need a forklift cuz all the baggage weighs a ton. I know we've had our problems but I can't remember one. I almost forgot to say something else, and if I can't fit it in I'll keep it all to myself. I almost wrote a song about you today but I tore it all up and I threw it away.
And I almost had you. But I guess that doesn't cut it. Almost had you, and I didn't even know it. You kept me guessing and now I guess that I spent my time missing you, I almost wish you would've loved me too.
I don't know. Nevermind. Going to code instead.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 9:35:00 AM ( 0 comments )
4/25/2005
Out the Window
there was nothing there to break my fall.
That's really all I had to say.
Here's hoping today sucks less than yesterday. Well, except to talking to my guy. Ah, its amazing how a few minutes of laughter makes everything seem okay again.
My gift still hasn't shipped. Fuck.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 10:21:00 AM ( 0 comments )
4/23/2005
Once Upon A Time...
There was a happy little Josiegirl, living in her happy little Josieworld. All was right in the happy little Josieworld.
And then, like all peacefully slumbering dreamers, the happy little Josiegirl woke up and realized that she was, in fact - The BITCH.
I like that, bitch in all caps. Its so...ominous.
No, this post does not have a point. Do most of them? No. I am getting a little fed up with SF. All this whining and bitching. *sighs* I love it. I miss RP'ing. But I'm tired of it. And John implied that I'm the reason people leave, and fuck if that's true - I'll walk away before I push anyone else away.
Bah, its just been an intense, crappy week for the server. At least for Ems and I. I sent her an MSN tonight that sorta said 'dude, I can't take this no more'. Which isn't true. I can and will keep taking it.
But sometimes I don't wanna...*sigh*
So sayeth Pheenie @ 11:33:00 PM ( 0 comments )
4/22/2005
Heartstrong
Bah. Well, I am. I like that song. Heartstrong, by Silvertide (I think). I've developed a bizzare fascination with Bowling for Soup lately - and all sorts of punk and ska and punk/ska covers. Hmm. Love it.
My Trucker Hat. Surf Colorado. Ohio (Come Back To Texas). 1985. Punk Rock 101. The Bitch Song. Emily. Life After Lisa. Out the Window. The Hard Way. Blah blah blah. I think I'd fuck 'em all if I were, you know free and hot. But I'm quite content to be not free.
Speak of the devil (or angel, as I prefer to think of him) he is supposed to be calling here fairly soon tonight. I wonder if he'll forget and/or just not manage to call. If I don't hear from him by 9:30 I'll call up there and leave a message, like the scary stalker girlfriend that I really am not.
I miss him terribly. *chuckles* We're talking less this week than we have in a year. Not that it seems to be hurting 'us', but I miss RP'ing with him and et cetera. Just buggin' him. I hope he's not sick of me. *sighs* Truly truly.
Bothered me a little though, when we went from 'moving in' to 'co-ordinating my next trip to visit for when his Sister will be in town in August' but... that's why I didn't tell anyone. So when it fell thru I wouldn't look like an ass.
*sighs anyway*
I worry so much.
So Tim and I had a great conversation today about 'artists' and 'singers/performers' and vampires and the occult and ooh. Fun stuff. I am really really gonna miss our retarded, pseudo-intellectual, occasionally philosophical, tirades. And Ems. I'll miss her so much too. We went out to lunch Thursday and sat in the restaurant for like, four and a half hours, just talking. And talking. And talking.
Anyway, I feel silly sitting here reading my old T.E.D. novels and waiting for a phone call from my boyfriend. My boyfriend - why does that still seem so weird to say/think? Despite how crazy I am about him? Maybe because we only had 10 days together. I sure hope I get-
Lost my train of thought when the phone rang. Ah, it is him. Woo.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 10:35:00 PM ( 0 comments )
4/20/2005
I'm a Professional Bitch
Or so I told an old player who returned to SF this morning.
The good news of my morning is tri-fold. One, I am not sore though I could barely walk by the time I passed out last night. Two, I am in fact two pounds beyond my goal this morning. And Three, I just feel so good about everything.
Almost everything. My bad news? I am uniquely qualified for just about nothing. I'm nearly 25, I have so few marketable job skills its sad. Not that I couldn't do anything they put before me, but how do you convince someone to give you a professional-track position when you're a college-dropout who has spent the past two years dishing up pizza in a grocery store delicatessen? And I'm not a terribly articulate interviewee, for all my writing skills and intelligence. So I'm worried.
If- no, when...When I move to PA, what will I do? Slinging pizza is not an option if I can possibly help it. I suppose I could talk someone into letting me into an entry level data processing or secretarial position. Maybe take some temp work to get my skills back into the non-rusty category...sharpen them. Its just frusterating. I don't want to go back to minimum wage pizza slinging. *cries* At least in my current job, I'm one of the oldest remaining chicks and I have seniority, and I'm good at what I do.
Proof that I can do anything? No, but still... I had never done food before. I rock the Deli.
... *sighs*
Anyway, good outweighs the bad, and I'm officially worthy of my first 'reward'. Which I purchased last week in advance and isn't even for me? Its for him, how fucked up and yet sorta sweet is that? ;) I should check my solitary-confinement email addy (josie at s-c.com) and see if he's shipped it yet. Muahahaha. So I can ship out my little care package.
I'm such a nerd.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 9:16:00 AM ( 0 comments )
4/19/2005
Personal Best
I finally made five whole, entire, complete miles today. Of course, I'm still a little short of goal #1, but its not the 24th yet, so I'm okay.
Have you ever woken up from a daze, as if you were smacked, and realized how stupid you are? It seems like that keeps happening where Mark is involved. *boom* Woke up and realized how much I liked him. *poof* Woke up and realized I had nothing to lose by visiting him. *whack* Woke up and realized that he really does care about me.
Okay, so I didn't wake up, but I did talk to him today. And it makes me cringe when I think about the doubts I've been having the past few days. He asked me to move in with him today. Which isn't exactly huge news, because Ems and Bex predicted it. Marguerite is beside herself worrying that I'll pick up and leave her without a Pizza Queen. Even my mother had a discussion with her best friend Lorita about my potential defection (just last night, coincidentally). But it rather IS huge news because apparently this has been unspoken on his mind for quite sometime. Just as I was beginning to think the worst - that it was over and that I was going to end up a crying mess huddled in the corner with only her Ching for comfort - this conversation happened.
I'm not sure it surprised him as much as it might have, when I agreed instantly. I'm a wishy-washy person by nature, decisions are not my strong suit. Still, I simply said,"Okay". Actually, it was kinda sweet when he made a half-hearted invitation and I replied that that was the least enthusiastic one ever so he came back with a very... *sighs* nice, invitation. And well, I would go tomorrow if I could.
It seems like he was waiting for some stability to return and pretty much the instant this new job swung back into the 'secure' regions - he asked.
Hmm.
But he's also netless so we're mostly incommincado. In fact, he called collect today so I could call him back to tell me what had gone down. He said 'ugh, with things so messed up here it could have been days, weeks before I could get ahold of you and you'd probably think I abandoned you'. I said flatly, yes, I would think that. "What, in only a few days or a week?" Ummm... yeah. Actually, like if he hadn't called then, I told him within seven hours (bed time) I would be sniffling and wondering what I'd done to deserve such a dumping. He was like, 'Baby, never think that. I can promise you now that that will never happen'. Which I suppose means that when he does break my heart, he'll do it to my face. Woo.
I'm kidding! I'm kidding!
But anyway, so it looks like a move is coming. Maybe late June, mid-July. Who knows, exactly. But that explains my redoubled efforts (which were still going full-tilt anyway) and the five miles tonight. I set a goal, and gosh darn it, I met it. Thirteen trips up and down the lane at 4/10s of a mile each time equals about 5.2 miles. I think. Go Josie!
I should wake up and have succeeded with goal #1. Then I set my sights on goal #2 which I believe is mid-May and then end-of-May and then... wow. I have so much fucking work ahead of me. I wonder where my goal puts me? I think I should hit my milestone by the end of June if I keep this up.
I'm not even hungry anymore, though I do sometimes want to eat just because I'm used to sitting here...eating. But I'm filled with energy and I feel like dancing.
I can't remember being so happy.
I'm such a nerd.
And I'm tired and its bed-time for the Josie...
So sayeth Pheenie @ 10:38:00 PM ( 0 comments )
4/18/2005
Previous Moments Of Clarity
And oddly enough they all involve punk covers of popular 80s songs! Well, not ALL of them...but I was reviewing a few old posts tonight, as I sit here not really feeling like running my plotline and still sorta down because I worry that my boyfriend like - hates me secretly, lol.
So I bring you an excerpt from late last year... November I believe...
Working on my night off wasn't too awful. None of us were in our typical good moods, but we had fun anyway. Making fun of each other and such. Becky threw a mushroom at me though (whole ones because the Produce guy is a dipshit) and it hit me in the ear. This same mushroom had only moments before been shoved down the back of her shirt by yours truly. When it hit my ear, it bounced off into the large box of unsliced shrooms. *cough* We couldn't identify it... so somewhere, some poor SOB is going to eat mushroom that went down Becky's shirt and in my ear. Eww. The Health Department would not be impressed.
This is a snippet I had posted on my first online diary a million years ago. By snippet I mean, a clip from the book I was working on at the time...From The Eternal Defenders, I believe... Forgive the spotty spacing and stuff, I'm too lazy to fix it. I really did love this book...
“Ionar.”
“Yes Kaiami?”
“You fear me.”
“What?”
Kaiami’s fathomless blue eyes beckoned him closer and in his reluctance, her statement was proven. Still, he managed to move across the room, standing relatively close to her.
“You wanted my birth. You schemed to bring my presence into this world.”
“Yes.”
“Have you changed your mind?”
Ionar hesistated. “No.”
“I see.”
She was silent.
The room had once been thickly decorated, tapestries and art, gold and burgundy; it had felt like a rich room. Now it was heavy with fear and power. The wall hangings had been removed one night whilst he slept, most of the furniture had been claimed by the fireplace to heat the room. He hadn’t until now realized that the order of the Kenedias’ well-run palace was abominable. It dawned on him that he’d hardly left this room, and not once left the wing, since Kaiami’s arrival. Ionar held his breath, straining his furry ears to hear the din of the marketplace below, the bustling capital city, but heard nothing. He left the child’s side and moved to a window in the anteroom. Nothing. The streets were empty, the booths and carts deserted. It was frightening. Ionar activated the intercom and through its crackling reception, was able to locate only seven of the castle’s servants.
“What happened here?”
She was silent.
“Kaiami, where has everyone gone?”
She closed her eyes.
“Kaiami….”
She raised her hands, fingers splayed.
“What are you doing?” He panicked. How could he have ignored the desertion of the palace, of the planet? “What are you doing Kaiami? We have wrought our revenge against those who wronged you.”
She moved her hands and the ten orbs raised from the end of her cradle.
“It is over. You can leave,”Ionar gulped back his tears, watching as her eyes slowly opened, focusing on the first of the spinning globes. “No. Kaiami, please. I command you to stop.”
She stopped. The rotating balls halted in mid-air and her eyes met his.
“Thank you. Thank you,”he sputtered, stepping toward her, avoiding her icy gaze. “Kai-“
She returned her gaze to the first orb and it began to twirl quickly.
“Wait, please. Kaiami no. You can’t-“ Ionar felt himself losing a grip on himself. “Kaiami! Don’t!”
Here's more of me...back when I was still sweet and innocent...
But Madaya is such a fun thing to work with, its already got this vast weaving of "religion" with their society, and finding the intricasies is like discovering a lost culture...only this one is fictional. Hmm. I think I enjoy spinning words too much. Is there such a thing? If I could write forever, I believe I would. There is little (in my life's experience anyway) that is quite so gratifying as a tale completed, a character brought to life to tell their story... I love the characters in my worlds... much more so than most real people I know. PErhaps THAT is why I'm so crazy?
LOL. Gods, was I nuts...But so cute. Oy vey, and so passionate about my work. *sighs* Where did that girl go?
Each day is a brand new life.
I believe that, do you?
I do love talking to other writers, even dormant ones...like Tim. I wish he'd go back to work on Shifting Ages, its just beautiful work, but...alas it is not to be right now. But I love to discuss the writing process and characters and development and such with people who understand.
I tried talking to Mom and Joyce about it the other day, telling them about the belief system of Madaya and looking for insights about it. They couldn't believe it when I said I'd spent all this time "uncovering" the ins and outs of their religion and then said "I don't even know how much of this religion will play into the plot". That in fact, it may just be a side note to whatever transpires. And I believe that's possible. So much of what I know of the characters, their histories, never made it into TED and yet, I know it all. And I drew on it, knowing Mars and Saul allowed me to write their lives and battles with such...honesty. Because it wasn't as if I was just making it up to fill in my pre-determined plotline. I think that my characters make the story themselves. I just chronicle it. When Merkus tries to commit suicide to kill Ionar/himself and Kaiami...that was his decision, based on the guilt he felt for deeds done, he had genuine motivations, I just wrote it down.
Which is not to say I'm psychotic or delusional and believe that there are really "Humins" running around Hollywood with wings in their backs, but I don't like to think I really "make up" my characters, instead that they come to me to tell their stories.
Maybe I am crazy.
Explains a lot doesn't it?
... going to bed to brood. And, if I'm lucky, dream about my favorite guy. Ugh, how I'd love to kiss him right now.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 10:37:00 PM ( 0 comments )
Battle Between Good & Evil
Usually, I am not a believer in the general, basic goodness of people. I'm more or less a misanthrop. I think people will do whatever they can get away with if it gets them what they want. But, then again, I do think I am more or less a good person. So I know we exist.
My esteemed Uncle is a good example of what I generally think of people. He's nice to your face, but he schemes and manipulates and works the law for every precious drop no matter how it hurts his own blood.
Case in point? He owns a large riding lawn mower. He mows all his own yard, the yard across the driveway... but he refuses to mow the one around this house. He acts like a bastard of a landlord, but then doesn't do landlordy things because he's a prick.
The good people in the world ralleyed around my mother who has been fretting about this because her own lawnmower died last summer. Her friends, having heard the story, went out and bought her a brand new lawnmower.
Why?
Because they love her and it hurts them to see her so upset about these things.
So I'm somewhat overwhelmed by just...goodness that really does exist. Its a... I can't explain it.
And I talked to Mark twice this afternoon. Ugh, I know I'm just being a paranoid freak. He's given me no tangible reason to worry. He's nothing short of sweet and wonderful. And still I'm sitting here panicking inside, worried that he's bored with me already, that he's backing off and ugh... but is he? Not that I can *see*. Ugh. Caring about people is so hard. And I do. So much, lol.
Meanwhile, I'm too upset and depressed and yet so elated that I can't even function. I have to open in the morning. Long f'ing day with a short f'ing night. So I'm going to head to bed.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 9:52:00 PM ( 0 comments )
Setting a Course...
For the Omega Quadrant.
Or at least that's how it feels. I shouldn't spill this where everyone can read it, but... I know he cares about me, and I know he likes me and has fun with me and all that fun stuff. But I'm becoming increasingly convinced, for multiple reasons, that he may not 'want' me. Now - I am usually just being paranoid, and self-conscious and worried about nothing. However - I feel repeated rebuffed when the topic arises and well... I'm afraid.
With that off my chest we'll move onto my redoubled weight-loss efforts. I am now minus about twenty-three, which isn't bad, but that does include a HUGE sandwich on Orgasmic bread AND a slice of cheesecake at Tim's on Friday. So to prevent the 'plateau' effect I took a two mile walk this morning at like 7, which was delicious. And then another hour tonight of walking, dancing, walking, jogging... Must...work...harder... ;)
Now I'm going to lay down and pass out. I'm pissed off because the FUCKING CATS peed on my clean laundry. We're having kitty stew tomorrow.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 12:23:00 AM ( 0 comments )
4/14/2005
I Wonder...
Its a pretty good song, though I only found it because I was downloading from the Freaky Friday soundtrack (yes, that Lindsay Lohan/Disney movie, jeez). Diffuser, I Wonder, I think. The blow job line is pretty good too. Anyway...
That was just a disclaimer so anyone who stumbles across it does not come to think that I've been drinking and confessing love or other troublesome things to anyone again. Been there, done that, right? Yeah.
The point of this post? Does there have to be one? I'm just killing time on my day off because going to work.
Last night, when Mark went to watch Lost (and fell asleep on the couch - without me! - I might add) I took a walk. A long walk. I walked until the tredmill shut itself down to prevent overheating. I walked up and down the lane, humming along to Nirvana and Melissa Etheridge and...someone else I can't recall at the mo. Up and down the lane. For like, 90 minutes. Until the batteries in my lantern started to fade. I didn't wanna be outside, in the dark, alone, with no light. So I came home.
I watched the stars. They're beautiful out here in the country, they really are. I remember laying on my back in the grass behind the house, where the stupid street light Uncle Dick installed couldn't blind me, and watching them back in the day. When Tim was working late and I had bred all the chocobos a human has any right to breed. Watch the sky and dream and think and hope and wish. And then, write.
Someday, I really would love to see the world from space. I hope that in my lifetime - and I believe its possible - that I can do that.
I have just been told that I was 'always a chill person'. I have no idea what in the hell that means, but we'll assume it was good.
So in my quest of self-improvement (i.e. constant walking and rare eating) I've come to the conclusion. I should have done this years ago. I should have gotten off my fat ass when I was still young and innocent and not wasted my time or virginity on that... I hesitate to say loser, but... really, God love him, he was.
But then, I don't believe in regrets and I do think things (no matter how shitty) happen for a reason. If the Bastard hadn't broken my heart I would never have started RWK to fill all the empty hours. If I hadn't played RWK I wouldn't have played Shimlar, and I wouldn't have sat up all night talking to Christopher. Then I wouldn't have moved him in, gotten engaged, wasted two years of life. And If I hadn't, I never would have worked at Super 1 with Ems, so I never would have played NWN on SF and I would probably have never met all the cool people I've met there...but especially Mark.
Sometimes I want to kick myself. For wasting as much time with him as I did - but, like I said, it was all necessary. We both have had things in our own lives to straighten out. Nonetheless, I am crazy about him and I can't wait to go back. Or have him out here, which ever comes first.
But, alas, I have like, four 'goals' to reach before that can happen. So I must continue to not eat and walk like mad. I am ten days from my first dead line and within easy reach, so yay for that. The next one is my Birthday, I believe, so goal 2 is due by May 12th. Gods, I'll be 25. That's so wrong.
After that... I lost my book, but I'm thinking I should be good to go by the end of June. Maybe July. Not sure. But... if things keep going well, its worth it to wait.
And I don't see myself getting tired of/annoyed by/bored with him anytime soon, or at all. I just hope he doesn't get sick of me! My craziness can be a lot to handle. I'm sure those who read this realize it, but I'm completely random. My (life) stories are never actual stories. They're lame antecdotes with no point. Bah... enough negativity Josie!
Negativity BEGONE!
Its gone.
But the offical update, for those who are curious about my slowly shrinking ass, down 22 pounds since the official start date around the end of March (28th I think). Which means of the thirty I lost before I went to PA I had gained almost 15 right back (fucking addiction to Sour Cream& & Cheddar Ruffles!) so we're talking from my HIGH point? Down like... *counts* thirty-eight. Total. Only seven hundred and eight to go before I'm remotely human!
So sayeth Pheenie @ 9:50:00 AM ( 0 comments )
4/10/2005
The Goat...
In the end, the goat was unnecessary. Tsk.
I ran several little plots tonight, one that ended up being larger than intended...and I had fun. Everyone appeared to have fun. Yay me. Now I need to figure out what evil lurks in the bowels of Nesme and what killed Tanor Thunderhammer...but I digress.
I'm mostly thinking about Mark tonight.
Why?
Because he's on my mind. A lot. I am absolutely, ridiculously crazy about this man. I never get tired of talking to him, or typing to him as the case may be (damn long distance phone charges). I've got this little box of things together to send him (yes, I am a nerd) - because I was being 'thoughtful' I suppose.
And the RP is always fun, with or without the spice. Although the Penelope/Rhys relationship is...so strange. They're all polite and distant in public, but like...always naked in private. Usually with little tiny Penelope relaxing on top of big, manly dragonblooded Rhys whle he lays on his back (oddly enough, whenever they do it - he's on top! except once...which is so WRONG in her culture, lol...I digress. AGAIN.) Anyway, the point of all this?
I forgot.
But ultimately, I just can't get over how much I *like* him. What's wrong with me? *grins* I talk about him to Anne constantly (at work). She's convinced I will pick up and move out there tomorrow...which, truthtold, I probably would... Er...anyway. I need to go take a walk and get to bed. But... I had to babble.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 12:04:00 AM ( 0 comments )
4/09/2005
Quotes From Mark
And then the goat started running! Oyyyy. He's a strange, strange boy. But he had a second quote for me so I had to add that.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 10:44:00 AM ( 0 comments )
Purified
No no, neither myself nor my soul nor any part of my life has been purified lately. When seeking a title, I glanced at my bottle of kool-aid (made with Sweet & Low to be calorie-freeish) and saw that the water that once filled it was purified. Maybe that's why it tasted dead and icky.
I poured it out.
Anyway, things being what they are... I am still a paranoid little child. I worry from day-to-day that this freakin' incredible guy (who for some insane reason seems to like and care about me) will blink and walk away. Do I know its ridiculous? Yes. Does he tell me, if I'm stupid enough to vocalize my worries, that its ridiculous? Yes. So why am I still a retard? That's a good question, Josephiney... The answer is probably just that you (me) have no self-esteem, you can't figure out why this sweet (hardcore), intelligent, sexy guy is still hanging around after like a year.
In other news, I nearly ate a Reese's Piece off the floor the other day out of sheer desperation. Fortunately, I stopped myself, threw it in the trash and hit the tredmill to punish myself. Which, I ended up enjoying.
Josie on the tredmill is a scary, hilarious, frightening sight, I'm sure. I sing and dance (while gasping and clumsily almost falling off) and sweat and bee-bop around for 30, 45, 90 minutes while listening to my insane music (yes, even Korean rave music!)...
I'm paying to talk to Mark and I'm typing here instead. Bad Josie. *click*
So sayeth Pheenie @ 10:11:00 AM ( 0 comments )
3/27/2005
Rest In Peace Bonnie-Boo
We first got her back in 1988, September or October. Right about the time we moved into the big house in Cedar Village. The DeLurme's had been feeding her for weeks, a stray in their neighborhood and my Dad took to her immediately. I don't remember why. She was somewhere between six and eighteen months old according to the vet; she turned out to be a smallish cat anyway, so she could very well have been at the upper reaches of the estimate.
Joyce, the matriarch of the DeLurme clan, called her Ebony because she was...well, black. We called her Bonnie for 'short'. My friend Shannon and I were always making up strange variations. Bonnie-Boo, Bonella Rubella, Bonita, et cetera. She was always the quickest little cat, fiesty and not entirely friendly. She loved men. Before Dad died, she curled up with him in his big recliner every night. Then Uncle Connie. Hells, she even loved Christopher.
She mellowed as she got older, she'd let people pick her up like never before, but she was still vital, still frisky. Except for the brush with stress that caused her to lose all the hair off her backend when she was two or three, she's been the healthiest cat ever.
A few months ago, she started to slow down...take longer to climb the stairs, have trouble jumping all the way up to the dresser's top. But it was to be expected, she was, after all somewhere between 17 and 19 years old.
The past week or two, she's dropped a lot of weight and wasted away to nothing. The last two nights she's howled and cried and been hardly able to move - her hindlegs didn't seem to be working well. Last night, sometime after I checked her last at about seven thirty and the time my Mom came home, she died.
Happy Easter, but she will not rise again today. And if she does, its likely more 'Pet Cemetary' than a miracle. *sighs* And though Juno is curled up and sleeping, Cannabis is running around the house like mad. I think she misses Bonnie as much as my Mum does.
And I'm sick.
And I hate being sick. Angry stomach and vomitousness. Its really less than fun. I wonder if Mark went to church this morning. He mentioned he might.
He really is a dear man (hardcore and bad ass, I mean). I totally adore him. *sighs*
So sayeth Pheenie @ 9:55:00 AM ( 0 comments )
3/19/2005
And like the Phoenix...
She shall rise again. And so I have.
The trip was a blast, considering we really did spend most of the nine days on his couch or in his bed. Hey! Its not as bad as all that!
Truly, we were land-locked (if I ever meet this Doug guy I'll punch him in the nose...kidding) so we really did sit around watching movies, talking, getting to know each other. I have never been so comfortable with a guy as I was sitting there with him. From the minute I got off the plane, in fact, it was easy between us.
Hmm, so the tale of the trip? I suppose I owe that some explanation. Got up, got ready (make-up and everything!), and - even though they were late, of course - got in Bex's car and drove to Sea-Tac. They dropped me off, assured me I couldn't chicken out, and zoomed away. I went to see the man at the curb about my ticket and he said my flight had been delayed until that evening (this is at 7 in the morning, fyi) and that I'd have to go inside. So I did.
I had been involuntarily re-routed to Dulles in DC. Now let me preface this by saying that I had carefully chosen my flight with two things in mind. One, I wanted to arrive as early as possible in PA to have as much time as possible with Mark. Two, I wanted to avoid the big scary airports where a first-time flying solo Josie would get lost and killed - this is why I chose to fly into Pittsburg. So, I ended up on a flight to the former murder capital of these fine states. It wasn't terrible. I had an uneventful early morning flight across the country. They played some Pierce Brosnan movie with Woody Harrelson and I didn't watch it. Instead, I panicked a lot and wrote about Penelope Price (more on this character later, ooh!).
I disembarked in the Nation's Capital and bought shot glasses as souveniers for Evie and myself. It wasn't terrible but it was hella busy. People everywhere. I was lucky, my departing gate was like 10 feet from my arrival gate so I parked my big white ass in a chair and read for an hour or so. Talked to Mark to let him know when I'd be in, 30 minutes earlier than previously thought, and he calmed me down a bit. I panicked in Dulles, I panicked the entire 50 minute flight to Harrisburg, and I panicked while we disembarked.
Then, miraculously, I stopped panicking. I don't know why, perhaps because it was too late to change my mind? I strode quickly from the gate, scanned the area for Mark. I didn't see him, but I didn't stop to look and just plowed my way to the luggage claim. After making an ass out of myself (all black luggage looks alike!) I began to freak out again... Oh my god he didn't come. He didn't show up. Oh my god what do I do?! Yes, so stood the Josie, looking around the small terminal for her dear friend, when a little lady in a bright red hat tapped her on the shoulder. "Miss," she said and pointed to the big, tinted windows,"I think there's someone waving at you."
And there was, thank God. Waving at the window was Mark, yay. After almost killing myself in the big revolving door, I stepped outside, met him with a smile and he gallantly took my bag. The guard wouldn't let him leave the car unattended so he couldn't come in for me, but he allowed him to come to the window to get my attention. Whew.
So, climbed into his car (it was a car at this point) and drove home. He pointed out the evil McDonald's where he used to call me for hours instead of working. We laughed, and talked. It wasn't intimidating or scary at all. Yay.
And so it continued. Met his brother, Jason, and sister-in-law Jasmine (Yas-meen) in my pajamas on night two. Drank a little and made out on night three. Met his friends Ralph & Teresa (and their three adorable childrens) on day three. Met Mikey P too, but I forget exactly when. Had dinner with his mother, who was so sweet and oy what an angel to put up with her two insane boys, on Sunday. Before I knew it, it was Friday again and I had to come home.
Then I got rerouted AGAIN on the way home and had to go through O'hare. That's right, one of the busiest airports in the US. On a Friday night. *mutters* Then, they made us sit in the plane on the runway for an hour because the flight team was late arriving from St. Louis. It was snowing and I just wanted to be home - since I couldn't be in PA. *sighs*
That's right, no details will be spilled, but we had a great time (well, I did anyway :P) just hanging out. He is a fantastic kisser, as I figured he would be. I hope to go back, and possibly have him out to meet my own crazy friends and family one of these days.
I think my Mother will love him. He'll either love her, or be terribly frightened, LOL. I can't imagine Mark and my sister sitting down to talk, since he's so like me (not in a bad way) and she and I don't get along that well. Ems will love him, I can't imagine anything else. If she weren't married she'd probably jump him. No really, he's sexy and he has (had) a goatee. Rawr. Anyway...Tim is my only blacksheep. I'm not sure how they'd match up in a meeting.
But that's a long, long way off I think.
Though I have to be honest, I am crazy about this guy.
I'm going back to harassing him while I still can. Woohoo.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 2:40:00 PM ( 0 comments )
3/02/2005
There's No Easy Way To Say Goodbye
No, there is not, as my dear Blessid guys once said...er, sang. Umm... Anyway. I am off - well, I will be off in about seven hours. Holy crap. This time tomorrow I will be ensconced in an apartment three thousand miles away with a *snickers* chicken dinner, some Florida Hurricanes, and a good friend. Whee.
This is my 'ta ta for now' entry because I am not certain when/if at all I will be updating while AF(my)K. He does, naturally, have a computer with, of course, internet access, but only time will tell. This, because it amuses me to share it, is my 'good-bye' post on the SF forums...
****
Topic : Leeeeavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again...
Well that's a blantant lie, isn't it? DM the Josie is taking a well-deserved... okay, maybe not well-deserved, but a somewhat deserved... hmm, nonetheless, she is taking a vacation and will be out of the state for the next 10 or so days.
Depending on the climate in my exotic destination, I may be around (I hear its challenging to sunbathe in Pennsylvania in March...*shocked gasp*), but if not...well, you know who to blame.
****
And of course, we all know who is to blame. That silly boy. Hmm. I better get to bed. Not that I need beauty sleep, afterall *haughty hair flip*. Hah! I need like beauty coma...yeah.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 12:11:00 AM ( 0 comments )
2/25/2005
Truths
Yes, I feel the need to vent.
Truth One: Yes, I am a huge, fat chick. There is no hiding, disguising or concealing the fact.
Truth Two: I am cute, nonetheless. Physically, maybe. But just the persona of 'the Josie/the Bitch' is a cute, fun, amusing, sometimes sexy, smart, ridiculous, creative, funny person.
Truth Three : I am notoriously bad at meeting people. I don't work well under pressure in social situations. I am shy and I will probably shout 'Jesus H. Christ, Mother Mary's taking a crap' in the middle of dinner just because I cannot take the pressure.
Truth Four : I'm sweet, I can be adult and demure and most adults seem to like me. Especially when I can not be demure and have a bit of fun without worrying.
Truth Five : I don't understand what anyone sees in me. At all. As anything more than a friend, that is.
Truth Six : I am so out of league with these people in so many ways it really isn't funny. I am neither hardcore, nor bad-ass. I am a goody goody college drop-out who makes Pizza for a living at the moment and isn't sure what she wants to do with her life.
Truth Seven : I don't feel out of league with him most of the time. We always have fun. This trip has been in the works for ages and ages and if he didn't think we'd have fun...he wouldn't have kept asking for all these months.
Truth Eight : I am scared. Absolutely petrified.
Truth Nine : I am also so excited. Terrifically thrilled to be going. A vacation like this is exactly what I need.
Truth Ten : It could be the best time of my, admittedly boring, life. It could also be nine days of torture because...well, we all know why.
Ten is enough, I believe. I'm so tired I'm drooling on my keyboard and I know I will be up at the buttcrack of dawn (Actually hours before dawn) so I best allow myself to pass out now. Joy.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 12:44:00 AM ( 0 comments )
2/20/2005
Trouble In Paradise
Not that there is any, but there could be and that would be a tragedy.
I came home early from work, sick as hell. My head feels like its made of lead and I think I threw up earlier. I'm not sure. Anyway... I decided to go ahead and update my webpage, because frankly it has been awhile. I uploaded all the Jazira/Sissy posts, even those by Mark (with his permission) and then all the Mimi's Diary posts, plus Brand's ass-kicking of Firnyg (also with his permission). I had to reorganize the 'Role-Play' Section because with all these new additions it had gotten bit and cluttered.
Now, to prove what a psycho nerd I am, I am going to share with you a silly moment. Oh yes, prepare to roll your eyes and literally SAY out loud, 'Tsk, that Josie...what a nerd'. Ready? Here it comes!
Mark sent me a screenshot of Mimi (in her special rose-colored 'small clothes) and Brand (standing behind her) at the altar of Lathander. My reply? Are you ready for this?
Buying your innocent girlfriend strawberry wine?
2 gold pieces.
Romantic boat ride to her God's shrine in the Moonwood?
100 gold pieces.
Bending her over the altar and making her sing your name over and over?
Priceless.
Are you laughing? Okay, okay maybe its not funny, but it made me giggle. So there. Anyway, I'm going to go take some more Aleve, catch some Z's, or maybe see if Mark will let me call him later. We'll see.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 5:01:00 PM ( 0 comments )
Fanatical!
Fuck.
I always did like that word. And that...action. But that is not the point of this post. The point is that I have always had an obsessive personality. Addictive. I get hooked on things so easily and it becomes...fanatical, obsessive...an addiction.
SF was like that from day one. I used to be like that about Sailor Moon. And about RWK, god, does anyone but me remember RWK? I wonder if Shimlar is still around. I might go check.
Anyway.
Daniel was like that. An obsession. Now that I've moved on, apparently everyone has to tell me how I could have had him at any time. Great. Lovely. Nice to know now. But I have moved on, and I'm quite disgustingly happy.
Except that I have another addiction. Like, getting up early, staying up late, coming straight home from work, writing about it at lunch... obsessive. What is it? RP'ing with Mark. We have a bunch of characters now that run around together...most are fucking but that's beside the point. We don't RP that...very often. *cough* Ugh, but yes. Mark is becoming an obsession. And this is why I will probably never have an adult relationship ever again. Because I get all obsessed and then...*poof* Where does it go? Dunon, but I don't watch Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon anymore. And I don't talk to Daniel much (course, he's so jealous of the time I spend with Mark...or so I think)... and oy vey.
I worry myself sometimes.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 12:35:00 AM ( 0 comments )
2/15/2005
Snooty Dippinlips
That is my silly new name according to some lame thing Tim sent me today. His would be Sleezy Farklehump. *snickers* Mark is Dorfus Pottyboob. Becky would be Goober Pottypants. Emily is now Dorky Rhinobutt. *laughs* Oyyy. Mom = Cheesy Gorillalips. How about Evie? Dipsy Chickenlips. *thinks*
Just because I'm easily amused, and bored, I am going to change the rules a bit. 2,3,2 instead. Hmm. I'd be Fluffy Gizzardshorts. Hmm. 4,4,4. Dorky Chickentush. I can't get anything good, lol.
Stinky Bubbletush. Lovely.
I'm so bored.
And panicked.
And life is weird.
And I'm going to bed.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 11:09:00 PM ( 0 comments )
2/06/2005
Quote: Wow
Go me! I acheived 'Wow.' from three separate people tonight upon reading Vayne's farewell. Mark went, "Wow, baby. That was so good!" and James said,"Wow. That is amazing" and Leah dead-panned,"Wow. Just, wow".
I posted Vayne's retirement post on the SF forums tonight, after re-writing the ending again to something much more satisfactory. And I wrote a quick, crappy, goodbye from Milla who is now married and fat with her first child. She's also over thirty-five and too old to be doing it, but hells, it works.
That makes me Yay inside. I think that Mark and I might collaborate on some high-fantasy romance one of these days. I love to write and he seems pretty creative with plotting and such. He brought it up not long ago.
You know what's weird? I was thinking back over the past year (ish) on SF and aside from Milla, who belonged to Kiroth (Daniel's character) and Vayne, who was fucking Raven (Daniel's character as well), oh! And Shade, who never quite had a relationship with Merem though she cared about him (Merem was James' hin). Oh! And Willy, who was with Crow (G's character)... okay, I just shot my own theory down. But still, Milla flirted with Carver (Mark's character). Amliwyn was engaged to Carver. Valirion was in love with Timothy (Mark's paladin). Brianna accepted Jaz Hildebrandt as her boyfriend (Mark's hin). There are at least two other examples of my characters hooking up with his.
That's pretty fucked up.
Anyway... So Milla Mirnemind, my beloved 'main' character from day three of SF is now retired. Vayne, the silly evil blackguard I created to play evil with Emy's Shedara Ders, my favorite bitch to play...is retired. Amliwyn, who I played longer and more than anyone else, has long been retired (though I will post her goodbye soon...she's off making cute blond half-elf babies with Carver). Val finally got her wish (she died). Shade went off to find Merem and never returned...
*cries*
I've retired all my good characters.
Or have I? Muahahaha... No really, I think I have. All my 'known' characters anyway.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 11:53:00 PM ( 0 comments )
2/05/2005
Communication is Key
In any relationship, communication is the key factor. Love and lust and caring and sex and platonic gaming sessions...whatever else happens, if you cannot communicate, it will not work.
I say this here and now because of several reasons. a) G and I are incommunicado. Then I get an overnight tell and nothing more. So I worry. The lines of communication must be opened, damn it. b) Because things might have been terribly different if Daniel and I had been able to actually...communicate what was going on. Back before everything turned into such a hopeless mess. Before my heart got broken and I had to pretend like it didn't. c) Because Tim and I go into seizures if we cannot commincate about times to get together and such and there's no reason for that between the phone, the internet, and knowing where each other lives/works/et cetera. and d) Because I don't know who still reads this, but frankly, I'm not comfortable writing things here because I might communicate things to someone.
I don't know what the point of this spiel was.
I haven't heard from G in weeks, last email is dated the 17th of January, last call was at Christmas, last attempt to find him online and 'talk' was over a week ago.
And holy FUCK is it snowing all of a sudden. And I think I have cramps. And that blows. *goes to find some Aleve and get ready for work*
So sayeth Pheenie @ 11:31:00 AM ( 0 comments )
1/28/2005
And Give Her Some Fuckin' Smoochies!
Yeah, Mark sang (heh!) part of that little ditty by Tenacious D on the phone the other day and now its stuck in my silly little Josie-brain. What's your favorite dish? I'm not gonna cook it but I'll order it from Zanibar's!
Anyfuckinway.
Work is work.
Game is game. I haven't been DM'ing much. I haven't been playing any of my characters. A few secret accounts, but no one terribly promising. Oh! Here I am lying in my own blog. I have been very much enjoying one character, actually. It doesn't matter, I believe that account will be retired rather soon anyway.
I have been writing, but I am not ready to post any of the novel snippets yet. I might go and post what I wrote for Vayne's retirement. And Amliwyn. And Milla. And Shade. Because they're all, pretty much, gone. Time to move on.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 12:55:00 PM ( 0 comments )
1/19/2005
When Things Don't Go My Way
Life blows, when things don't go my way.
But still...somethings are good.
And somethings are bad.
Bex stepped down as a DM today. Not sure why, she isn't talking to me. I worry that its because I mentioned she was 'favoring' James' character, but I only meant that she should watch it because other people were starting to notice.
I guess its good that I've more or less left SF and can't get too involved anymore. I worry about her though.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 2:22:00 PM ( 0 comments )
1/17/2005
On Your Knees
Ah...things are interestingly dull. Yes. Interestingly dull. And that is all I will say on the subject.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 7:11:00 PM ( 0 comments )
1/11/2005
*pathetic yawn*
The Good News : my 441 dollar bed was worth at least 100 of those dollars when - after falling quite exhaustedly asleep post-traumatic phone call, I was rudely awakened by my mother's phone call - I was able to snuggle into its foamy depths and, essentially, pass out. Yay for the new bed.
The Bad News : my pair of feuding friends has not only worsened since I got off the phone and went to bed last night, but I think that its...just about as ugly as anything I can quite imagine. Accusations flying. Immature this, civil & adult that. Who hates who, who backs who up. Its just...ugly. And people are going to have to choose sides. Yes, I am about to turn this into a 'pity the Josie' party, but damn it, who will suffer most? Me! Because I have a deciding vote and I don't want to cast it against either of my friends. I don't think this is a situation that should have escalated this far. So I will have to vote with Emy, I guess, although I don't think he should have been asked to step down like this. I don't think he's a bad DM. Yes, mistakes have been made, but I'm not sure they're any different than any of the rest of us. And yes, I hate Wight and Wight's style of DM'ing so maybe I should hate Daniel's, since they're apparently very similar, but... oh fuck.
And I'm going to be late...again. Joy.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 9:32:00 AM ( 0 comments )
Tightening of the Noose
Can you feel it? I can.
And its a terribly unpleasant feeling. When one of my friends calls out the other - I mentioned said fight before - and things get out of hand, what do I do? Pick sides and fuck up one relationship? Stay neutral and fuck up both? He knows I don't think all her accusations are true - and most of things that are, we all are guilty of to some degree. She knows I agree that he can be unreasonable and prickish at times (but I happen to think its part of his charm).
I wish things were not quite so...far gone. That it was still time where a simple apology would fix everything. Too late. Too fucking late.
And yes, he's a stubborn SOB. And yes, she may have over-reacted. But damn it... breaks my poor little Josie heart to see things like this.
She's my best friend.
I value his friendship - more than is probably healthy.
What's a girl to do?
So sayeth Pheenie @ 12:22:00 AM ( 0 comments )
1/10/2005
Prolonged Absense
And other mind-altering drugs.
Yes. I think I shall name my autobiography that one day... 'Prolonged Absense and other mind-altering drugs. The story of a Bitch. by the Josie'. Rawr. I'm so kidding.
Mostly.
Ah, the early shift is still good for me - though being conscious at 6 a.m. blows. I am however in an unflappably good mood at the moment because I have finally - yes finally - reached the morning of my deliverance! Or...at least the morning when the buffed boys will drag my new bed up those rickety stairs and...deliver it. Tonight I shall have a good sleep. Yay for that.
Work is work. Nothing good or bad to report there.
Life is life. Nothing special.
We did (finally, rapidly, and suddenly) move last week. A week ago last night/today, in fact. So we're living out in Thorp. Its much better than when I lived here before. Things work (sinks, bathroom, heat) and of course its a rainbow inside. Pink bathroom, orange utility room, yellow kitchen, green living room/Judy's bedroom (divided by a nice screen now too), blue-gray Josie's bedroom and of course, the love it or hate it - Red Room. I am sitting in it right now, adoring it.
Yay.
And for a whole week, I've kept it all clean. How lovely is that? Its a start on the new Josie. Haven't managed to tame the frizz that is my hair, nor donned daily make-up or anything truly life altering at all...but at least I managed to keep my rooms clean. Woo.
Relationships are complicated things.
My sister and I aren't speaking (much). My bald-headed freak is disturbingly silent lately, but at least he offered an olive branch of communication via email last night. A pair of my friends are fighting - like, truly fighting and I think it could be the end of their friendship completely - and one has said he'd rather just not speak to me ever again to make my life easier (wtf? :P). I don't know. I'm in a weird apathetic place at the moment and I'm finding it very difficult to... give a crap.
More or less, I hate everything.
But at the same time, I'm terribly fond of several people. And several things. And attached to others even if I'm not sure I'm fond of them.
And now I'm late for work. Great.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 9:32:00 AM ( 0 comments )
1/01/2005
Happy New Year!
Yes, its true. 2005 has arrived on schedule. Damn. I mean, er...yay! No really. Its a good thing. My sister isn't speaking to me, however, which blows. And I seem to piss off people with one hand, while making and remaking friends with the other. Oops.
Otherwise, things are fine - if you're looking for an update on the Josie's personal life. We still haven't moved. But, apparently we're doing the deed this weekend. Maybe even tomorrow. But I work all day (darn) so I won't get to help much. C'est la vie.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 7:05:00 PM ( 0 comments )
12/16/2004
Kicking Ass In The Morning, Taking Names In The Evening
No, nothing special to add. I posted a bit of Brianna's background, a teensy bit, but I thought it was pretty cute. O'well. *sighs* I'm off to write tonight.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 9:24:00 PM ( 0 comments )
12/13/2004
Bad Josie
I haven't been updating here much because I'm frusterated with someone dear to me and I don't know that I want to express much of that for the rest of the world to read. I have nothing but love for ya, and you know that, but damn it all...
Anyway, the Josie is still alive and kicking. Slowly moving on from hurts in the past and rapidly careening toward new ones, I suspect.
Work is going better since they made me the pizza chick and put me on a weird schedule. I'm a day shifter now, which is why I'm conscious at 7 a.m. and writing here while I wait for my car to warm up.
*sighs*
So sayeth Pheenie @ 10:06:00 AM ( 0 comments )
12/08/2004
The Sky Is Falling!
Well, okay, maybe not the sky - but a 100 ft lighting fixture in the store fell. That's the second one since they began the remodel. Think its a sign? I do. We're all gonna die in that damned store. Poor Dorald was working inside one of the coolers that got smashed, but he was the only casualty. No, he didn't die or even get hurt - but he was the only one in the area at the time. Which is really all I meant. Uh... anyway.
It was insane at work today and I am fucking glad to be done with that for a few days. Unless they call me in, which I told Marguerite she could if needed. Stupid Josie.
Sometimes, despite the nastiness, despite all the shit hitting the fan and splattering all around you, you can walk around with a smile on your face, smelling like a rose. Today was one of those days for me. I worked my big fat ass off, and got (almost) everything done. If it weren't for the 'help' I had (turning a 60 minute job into a 3 hour marathon of b.s.) I would have been done long before and managed to get it all in.
But anyway, I'm off for the 'weekend' and I intend to do a great deal of RP and DM'ing. I also intend to take a bunch of my stuff to the new house and probably build/paint those stupid bookcases. Maybe I'll find some a desk when I go to Yakimarijuana tomorrow. If I go. I promised FallenAngelsRise I'd run the 'personal' quest for his Nalla character tomorrow. Ugh, but that can be in the evening I suppose.
Right now - I think I'll wrap up with quirky little Crow/Willy scene and go write an rp about Brianna. She needs a bit of background and that whole stealing (literally) a kiss from Jaz Hildebrandt was so cute. I gotta include it. She's a pushy little bitch.
No wonder I love her. She's everything I want to be, only shorter with smaller boobs.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 12:45:00 AM ( 0 comments )
12/05/2004
Great Minds Think Alike
Isn't that what they say? I think I would be hard pressed to find someone truly as weird and crazy and intelligent and funny and fucked up as I am. I hope someday I do, but I suspect anyone crazy and et cetera enough to find me intersting would either scare me, or find me annoying quickly.
damn.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 11:14:00 PM ( 0 comments )
fucking ridiculous
Being up this early, I mean. Its too early. Too cold. And Good Lord, I just wanna curl back up and forget about everything.
Its been a long day already *grins, coughs up phelgm, goes to work*
So sayeth Pheenie @ 10:01:00 AM ( 0 comments )
12/01/2004
Yes, I Would
do Weird Al if I had the chance. I saw him on VH1 today (poor guy) and that scruffy little gray bit in his goat. Rawr.
Meanwhile, in other news, I have all the shelves in this room (my shelves) cleaned out, plus under the 'bed'-shelf. My stuff, save the desk, is all ready to move. Go me. That's all I really did today - except harass a net friend all day.
We had this bizarre back and forth game going. He'd ask something. Then me. QnA for hours. *chuckles* And I'm looking at the clock and figuring you might be home by now, and you might be online. But I'm afraid to go looking for you now. Just in case...
Bah. Still love ya. Even if you hate me now.
Ah, that reminds me (hate reminds me? hmm). I gotta go listen to all that music! I promised Rob a review tonight. Ack! *rushes off*
So sayeth Pheenie @ 7:03:00 PM ( 0 comments )
Somebody Told Me...
you have a boyfriend, who looks like a girlfriend that i had in February of last year.
G, this is directed at you. You have been one of my best friends in the past nine months, and I love you for that. There are things about me you know that no one else ever has, and likely, ever will. But you hurt me tonight and damn it, I didn't deserve it.
And then you hung up.
Like I don't count, like I haven't spent countless hours being as much 'there' for you (through EVERYthing) as I can from over 'here'. Like I don't care or... fuck.
I'll be waiting to hear from you again, but I'm not going to call back. I'm not. Because damn it, nothing makes sense tonight.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 12:31:00 AM ( 0 comments )
11/29/2004
Sitting Here Naked
from the waist up. Thinking things. Bad things. Naughty things. Fun things. Bitchy things. Sweet things. Painful things.
Thinking.
Too much. As usual.
I really need to stop thinking.
In other news, I rolled another new halfling. She's (yes, another female for that matter) a lovely little bard with a dragon obsession. She thinks her ancestor has 'cavorted' with dragons and she's wild for more info.
So, air guitar doesn't rock. I'm sorry. Except when *i* do it ;)
So sayeth Pheenie @ 4:55:00 PM ( 0 comments )
11/25/2004
Gobble Gobble
Happy Turkey Day! Sorta. Mom already left for the west side, and she was supposed to take Grandpa to Aunt Linda's so I could go to Lindsey & Meaghan's after work tonight. ... I just got out the fucking shower and noticed that my dear grandfather is still in bed. He isn't dressed & ready. He doesn't want to go at all. What the fuck?! And I can't get her on the cell to find out wtf is going on. *grumbles*
... I ran my evil plot last night. The one that revolved around a character called Darias Krows and fucked with Mari's little brain (to add drama to a character who was going stale, in the words of her player). It did not go as planned. Tsk. Wanna read my post about the debacle? Here:
Oh it was just going to be a little evilness, really! just a little, to shake things up for the Mari/Jorick/Naut/Darias love um...rhombizoid.
Darias was apparently sent to deliver something, from a wicked source, to Athos Macklem. He hasn't done it yet, having been distracted by our lovely little sorceress, and his boss was getting impatient. So, to spur on his actions, Mister X sent a little girl running into Nesmé. She found Mari in the Inn and, claiming that Mia needed her, dragged her to the North gate where Mister X appeared from the shadows behind her, sunk his dagger between her ribs, and then hopped back into the shadows, heaving her little body to the Underdark. I had great fun when Mister X and his trio of Illithids probed and poked around her brain. (This all happened on Monday night). He severed her left pinky, wrapped it up in a lock of her hair, and sent it inside a scroll to Nesmé for Darias.
*whew*
Then, the little girl was going to find Darias, give him the scroll. It forced him to ask Naut & Jorick (according to the info I had *glares at Becky* ;) ) for some information and then the three of them were to take said info to Mister X.
*sigh*
Instead, Naut & Jorick found Mari's shoe and some blood (*makes a face at Becky*) and, assuming Darias did it or knew who did, Naut took him out, tied him up and left him in a room upstairs in the Inn for questioning. It was all downhill from here ;)
So Jorick & Naut are roughly (heh) interrogating Darias when a little girl comes pounding on all the doors, yelling out for Darias Krows. Naut goes out, they talk, he lets her come in to 'play their game'. After a lot of funny whining, they agree to sit Darias up so she can deliver the scroll into his hands (tied behind his back) so she won't get killed. She does so and then rushes away - she is stolen into the shadows once she's out in the hall and screams as it happens. Uh oh. ;)
Blah blah, they argue some more and then finally seem to remember that they need to find Mari so Naut takes the scroll from Darias and breaks the seal. A little gory thing falls out... when the item is identified, its Mari's Finger. *ahem* They freak out about his awhile (and Leah's rage was GREAT, btw) and finally read the scroll. (written in what might be blood: we grow impatient and the sand in your hourglass runs low. enclosed is a precious gift to motivate your actions. first, we require the name of his drow bitch. second, we require his death. if you do not comply, she dies.)
More argueing and posturing ensues. Eventually, Naut & Jorick decide that they are going to go to Mantol-Derith to seek Angtaser (Mister X). With a drow sleeping bolt, Naut puts Darias out of the picture (but Darias only feigned sleep due to his save roll).
They shadowwalk to M-D and talk to an NPC to find out Angtaser is in the Inn. (after I force a hood onto Jorick) They make their way to the Inn, the Innkeeper waves them to the back. EVENTUALLY they find the right door and are allowed entrance. Mister X was hovering, lotus-style, over the edge of the bed with three illithid standing guard. They have some fun banter. Mister X says, "Give me her name, and I will release Mari". They don't have the name. Mister X demands they get the name, or every (i think I said hour, but he meant day) day they delay she will lose another finger, then hands, et cetera. Jorick says "We don't have the name." Mister X sends the Illithid Venerator out of the room, with a specific request. The Flayer returns shortly and delivered a freshly severed finger to Mister X. It is the left ring finger, the one that bears her engagement ring to Jorick.
He says. "Now, do you have the name or not?" Jorick "no" Naut " uh..." Mister X says flatly. Give me the name or I will send him out to retrieve her pretty little head." And that does the trick. The boys spill, and Naut's bluff roll sealed the deal. Mister X. says, alright, Mari will be waiting for you when you return to Nesmé but... He sends a different flayer off and tells the boys they have a problem.
The problem being that they interferred with his carefully laid plans. So, they have a choice. They can (with or without Darias' help) kill Athos and bring his head to Mister X. They can kill Darias and bring his head back. Mister X doesn't care who, but he demands they pay for screwing up his plotting. More argueing. Mister X says, She is waiting for you in Nesme. If she is not, the deal is broken. You have one year to bring me a head. And then he vanishes.
Jorick says, well that's no question. We'll kill Darias. And Naut insists he's not an assassin. But then Mari, who has been released, sends a mental message (now that she's been left to her own devices, dying in the suite in Nesme) to the boys. 'Help... in the Inn'.
*sighs* Yeah, they shadowwalk back to her and a lot of heart-wrenching RP ensues. Poor Darias (poor Echo56, actually) has been tied up this whole time and missed out on the plot which was supposed to revolve around him. Damn you Leah & Nix! *winks*
Luckily for Darias, Mister X's original plan of releasing a mind-controlled Mari to Darias to watch over him (Ronnie, you better not let Leah read this over your shoulder!) will still work. Mari, under his control, will do anything to protect Darias until he completes his mission...
... it really was a simple plan.
Oy, long enough? But anyway, I had such a lovely wicked plot outlined. And poor Darias had to miss it all, hogtied in a room in the Inn. Pfft. O'well. I forced him to create a hin the other day and Merem and Shade have had come funny adventures - including Merem leaping onto the back of a seven foot tall half-orc who he said nearly trampled little Shade, defending his friend's honor. It was hilarous.
P.S. I was so glad to see you on in-game. Thank Pat for me. Hope to see you around from time to time.
Oh! And one question, what is it about me, that when I ask the server if anyone needs anything before I log, that I seem to get at least one tell of 'blowjob, please'? *mutters*
So sayeth Pheenie @ 4:12:00 PM ( 0 comments )
11/24/2004
Signals
Mixed signals from someone who I thought... but I guess I was wrong afterall, again. Busy signals from your phone line (no message machine, just a busy signal). Hazard Signals from someone who I thought I was too smart to let hurt me anymore.
Fuck.
We can't move into the house for another fucking month. That's on my mind tonight. Plus I have a migraine, probably from looking at his screen for what eight hours straight this morning (on four and half hours sleep). Yeah, I woke up and immediately got harassed by Mia & DarkTakeshi to kick off the next bit of my big plot. And it took forever (plus I was being bumped back and forth by various people needing stuff). Then I got on as Shade, having made James bring on a hin, and then promptly met a third. For awhile there, 3/6 players on the server here halfling. Was cute.
Anyway, I gotta get some rest because I am running a nasty, evil plot tonight that involves disfiguring Mari and torturing her friends and family. All because of James' main character.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 7:32:00 PM ( 0 comments )
11/23/2004
General Insanity
1) the move is officially delayed again. for about a month. they have to REWIRE the whole fucking house.
2) this site is cute. i want the pirate shower curtain. i don't know why, i just do.
3) when i vowed not to whine about men, i didn't realize how silent that would make my blog. therefore, i revoke that declaration and will resume bitchery soon.
4) yes, i still got hugs for you.
5) sour cream & onion pringles are the devil. but i love them anyway.
6) the end.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 5:19:00 PM ( 0 comments )
11/19/2004
Everybody Knows
She only smokes when she drinks. She only drinks now and then. Now and then when she's tired of being let down by men. You can give her a light but its not what you think. Everybody knows, she only drinks alone, and she only smokes when drinks.
*sighs*
Nah, I'm kidding. That song was just on winamp and I actually listened to it. Not that I smoke, but I do only drink alone anymore, and only when I'm feeling particularily hateful toward men. Which should indicate that I've been drinking constantly lately... but I haven't. Maybe I should. Maybe I should get good and lit tonight - I think Emy is off tonight... hmm, we could go out. And then come home and take phone calls from people. I could say some nasty things to a certain young dickhead. And I could say some worse things to a certain bastard - whose car I had to clean out today. Found a whole stash of batteries though. That'll power both of my favorite battery-operated devices for awhile. *snickers*
Did I mention my new discman, btw? It was 29.99 on sale, and I cried when I found out that I can make a data cd filled with mp3s and it will play them. Instead of having 20 wave files on an audio CD, I have 164 mp3s and that means HOURS of music. YAY! And again I say, YAY!
My red room is still gorgeous. I did some touch-ups yesterday, but there are few bloody-looking drips that I can't quite get rid of. O'well. I bought black leather throw pillows to go on the futon in there. Rawr.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 4:00:00 PM ( 0 comments )
11/18/2004
I Hate Everything About You
Why do I love you?
Although I am having great, great fun DM'ing (helping people, possessing NPCs and trying to spur on RP, mini-plots) ... my personal roleplay lately has sucked. More specifically, its non-existant. I don't know if people see my characters and run screaming because its me, or if they're all really uninteresting and lame... but ffs, its been a bitch to get anything started. I'm beginning to think that I really am poor at it and I should get back to just writing. I'm okay at that. Good, even, from time to time.
And well...I'm lonely. Profoundly. And despite my own aversion to getting into any long distance thing again, and in spite of the advice I've gotten from several friends (Anne included) ... I'm considering it.
Gah. Its a beautiful, sunny (cold) day and I need to go get a good look at my Red Room. So I'm off for awhile - but we always knew I was a little off.
Hell! The new girl at work thinks I'm insane. But at least she can (usually) hide her horror at my antics. Like dancing around. Like singing 'Go XXX, its your birthday. We gon' party like its ya birthday. Sip Bacardi like its ya birthday, and no body has to know it ain't ya birthday'. Like my random retarded commentary on random retarded things. Like- oh, well, you get the picture. I'm weird. Cute...dumb...but cute. And weird.
So very very weird.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 1:51:00 PM ( 0 comments )
11/16/2004
but officer!
I didn't mean to kill them, I swear!
Yeah, um... my first official 'act' as DM on SF was a small, nerdy quest just to get some rp going. So I possessed "Sly" Tantor, the tailor in Nesmé, and walked out into the center of town to seek a few adventurers. Lucky me, there were about six of them lurking around and when Sly asked if anyone was interested in a job - all volunteered. He sent them out to get him some fresh, juicy Slaad tongues (two) and a couple diamonds - he was working on a secret new dye and Vashanu was out of both items.
Sounds safe enough so far... I figured they would either hit the room near the entrance of the Underdark or, if they were smart, to see Famir in Nar'wannan (he's always got tongues in his inventory). Diamonds are common enough, I wasn't worried about that.
Silly Josie, however, forgot that there are Slaads in the Dungeons of Ruin up North... the nasty castle that killed Milla in a heartbeat the one time I went in there. And, when I crashed (thanks to DM Reandel, on messenger, actually ;) ) and returned... they were half-way there already.
They all died...except Luth, and he only survived because I healed him and killed off the Death Slaad Lord *sighs*
In the end, everyone was raised and when they returned with the items, Sly rewarded them handsomely... but I felt badly about getting them all killed.
Bad Josie.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 4:39:00 PM ( 0 comments )
11/15/2004
three a.m.
Sitting by the dock of the bay. Watching the tide roll away. Just sitting by the dock of the bay, wasting time.
Yes, that is my MO lately. That is my lifetime MO apparently. In fact, I think that is what it will say on my tombstone, should I have one. But, since we are probably going to all die in some fiery nuclear nastiness or world-shattering balls of interstellar dust, or dinosaurs re-emerging from the bowels of the earth to chomp our little human heads off... uh, what was my point?
Still nothing resolved. The talk with Rob wasn't as...gut-wrenching as I feared, so yay. And Daniel finally talked to me but I had to resort to (as usual) sucking up my pride and pretending nothing was wrong, nor had it ever been and in fact that any issues that may have arisen where just figments of my silly little Josiebrain™ ... er...
I'm rambling like I'm drunk, but I'm honestly not, its just 3:30 in the morning and I'm tired. So tired....
Ah! On the upside, I have just been alerted that as of 3:23 a.m. today, I am a DM on SF. Its... a miracle. Or else all the other candidates truly sucked.
And on that note, friends...
So sayeth Pheenie @ 6:13:00 AM ( 0 comments )
11/14/2004
give your id card
to the border guard. now your alias says you're Captain Jean-Luc Picard but he won't speak English anyway
No, nothing is resolved. There are too many things wrong with me to count... heh...
Working on my night off wasn't too awful. None of us were in our typical good moods, but we had fun anyway. Making fun of each other and such. Becky threw a mushroom at me though (whole ones because the Produce guy is a dipshit) and it hit me in the ear. This same mushroom had only moments before been shoved down the back of her shirt by yours truly. When it hit my ear, it bounced off into the large box of unsliced shrooms. *cough* We couldn't identify it... so somewhere, some poor SOB is going to eat mushroom that went down Becky's shirt and in my ear. Eww. The Health Department would not be impressed.
I am thinking about driving out to Thorp this morning and looking at my red room. Just because I love it so. But I think I should get dressed, head to Bi-Mart and get some cheap shelves, primer, and spray paint. I also need to look for a solution to my desk problem. This one, which I really like, damn it, will not fit in the teeny, short new room so I must either buy or build (or buy & build) a new one. Damn it. Maybe I'll just get a sheet of plywood and a few cinderblocks. Could make a pretty spiffy desk for both computers - if I get the old one running again - with that... Hmm... nah, would have to be pretty thick plywood and I bet that's pricey. Well... I'll check. Grr. I dunno.
I can feel a crossroad approaching. I've passed the warning sign and am rapidly rolling toward the stop sign. But I just don't know which direction to go. Back to School? Move out of this town? Some guy? Straight ahead...? Straight down.
Bah.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 1:07:00 PM ( 0 comments )
11/12/2004
it shouldn't bother me
But it does.
I've spent more time agonizing over men in the past nine months, than probably in the rest of my life combined. I've never hurt so much in my life. And I'm no longer sure its all worth it.
That's all I have to say. Old wounds were re-torn open today and I don't really like that much.
But, on the upside, I did six straight hours of painting today (on three hours of sleep mind you) and both rooms are great. The gray room is soft and calming. The red room is just... rawr. Sexy. I love it.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 9:14:00 PM ( 0 comments )
11/11/2004
reprieve
Where's my fucking reprieve? Every single day for the past week, things get more and more screwed up. And damn it. There's nothing I can do about it.
Okay, answer me this; why is it certain guys will talk to me about everything but the minute they hook up with someone, they clam up? Am I such a jealous bitch that I can't even be happy for my male friends? No. I mean *you* and I managed to keep talking. Why is it so different with others? For Fuck's Sake, this silence is driving me insane. We had just gotten back to talking like human beings again and now... nothing.
I hate people.
I need to keep writing my stupid NaNoWriMo book. So I can unleash my rage upon the unsuspecting populus. Oh yes. You will ALL die, motherfuckers! Muahahahhahaha.
*clears her throat* Er... anyway.
In other news, its Friday (for me) and I have no plans. I might go paint my rooms tomorrow. That would be nice. Get them all cleaned up and take some measurements so I know if I can fit a desk and where... if I have to buy (another) new one. Bah.
Did I mention my rooms? They're both teensy upstairs rooms. The big one upstairs is going to be used as storage, it looks like. And that's fine with me. Its waaaaay too big for my newly simplified existence. So the two rooms are at the head of the stairs to the right. Because they're upstairs in an old house, they have horrible low ceilings and they slant down on both sides. When you make the right there is one on either side of you. The right one has ugly brown carpet and a little cubby near the window. I'm painting it gray, and it will be my bedroom. How nice. The cubbly will fit my dresser nicely and that's all the furniture I have. Joy. And left room has this hideous, truly obscene, bright red carpet. So I am painting the walls a slightly less obscene color of red. This will be my computer room. How quaint. And if I'm lucky, I'll be able to put up some shelves of some sort and have all my movies and books in there. I may also lug my old futon out of storage. The black lacquer frame would look pretty spiffy in there.
Ummmm
Yeah, so... that's about it. Emy has to work Saturday afterall, so she we can't go out to see a movie like we'd talked about. Damn. Maybe Tim will be back this weekend. I don't know. I should call him anyway.
I should call a lot of people. Lynders. Shannon. You, but not til the weekend. And damn it...
Good thing there is a disclaimer above. No one is allowed to hold my mental vomit against me! *sighs heavily*
So sayeth Pheenie @ 2:04:00 PM ( 0 comments )
11/10/2004
comfortably numb
Men suck.
First and foremost, that is on my mind tonight. Men absolutely suck.
Not just the dickhead customer who decided to imply that I am an idiot because his stupid whore of a wife forgot to call ahead for the pizza and it wasn't waiting for him when he arrived. Jackass. And not just the boss, who lurks around the corner waiting to see if the three of us are going to fuck up anything. And not just friends who act so stupid and screw up good things - getting banned from the server, for one (succubi fiends excluded). And not just friends who lie about things, and then, when the truth comes out, simply clams up and refuses to talk at all. For FUCK'S sake, people!
I know I'm not the only one who has problems, but lately it seems like everyone is going out of their way to fuck with my little Josie head. Lies from someone I trusted. Truth from someone I love (no I don't hold that against you). Idiocy from someone I thought was finally wising up. Silence from the one person I really need to talk with.
And on top of all this... I can't write. I've sat with the file open for hours in the past two days. Nothing comes out. All I can think about is men. And how much they all suck.
Oy.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 4:41:00 AM ( 0 comments )
11/08/2004
I Don't Know The Words, But...
*sings loudly... badly*
Oy vey.
Things are never simple, are they?
C'est la vie.
So I finally got to see Shrek 2. Loved it. God, I'm such a nerd. Bad Santa is nearly done, so maybe I'll watch that when I get off tonight. We'll see. Could use a laugh.
We may finally get to paint this weekend, which would be a fucking relief. Woohoo to grey bedrooms and red computer rooms (glorified closets, really, but can I complain? Better than the laundry room!).
I need to schedule a vacation one of these upcoming weeks. Just get it out of the week.
I had more, slightly less interesting things to say, but Blogger ate my post and I'm not motivated to talk anymore.
Oh! I know what I had talked about. Tim at Oral Roberts University. *snickers* But that's another story. Ugh, my days off are going to suck. He's off with Becca fulfilling their mother's wish that they at least check out ORU. Which means... no video game marathons. No going to see a movie. And most likely, a lot of sitting here playing Arcanum or NWN. Woo.
Now, I'm done.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 12:18:00 PM ( 0 comments )
11/05/2004
Busy Blogger
Man, I've tried to update three or four times in the past couple days...but Blogger has been so SLOW it wasn't even worth it.
Now I'm not sure what I ever had to say. Its Friday, and its really Friday too. I should try to do something fun tonight. *thinks* We'll see. I get Emy and Becky tonight, which means I'll have work even harder, but I'll have more fun doing it. So yay.
I have been neglecting my NaNaWriMo Blog, and the story, in order to play SF - a lot. Which, while Daniel has been DM'ing and throwing random bones my way, has been fun. But he's gone for the weekend (big SF Euro-meeting and I'm so jealous I couldn't go) and I just don't have the same urge to play as I have been.
Oooh, Enter Sandman. Yay.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 4:42:00 PM ( 0 comments )
11/02/2004
Bills Bills Bills
They never end.
And it blows goats.
In other news, I found the bed I want to buy. OF course, I can't afford it. I can barely afford tires - which is just as important since I'll be commuting all winter.
Writing is a theraputic thing, and I should be doing more of that and less of running around SF as my evil bitchy character trying to stir up trouble in the absense of Raven. In fact *smiles* I'm 500 words behind today, on my NaNoWriMo novel. Ack! Better get cracking.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 4:34:00 PM ( 0 comments )
10/30/2004
It Was A Dark & Stormy Night...
At least in my head.
... but we won't discuss that. Its over and damn it, I won't hate you. So stop that.
Here's my brain spew for the day:
She sat, her pure black leggings and mid-drift revealing shirt sucking up the desert heat like a sponge, and crunched silently into an apple. She had neatly nipped it from a merchant's basket in the marketplace and she had done it in plain-sight. No one approached her for the theft, she was no stranger to the town and more importantly, she was companion to someone who would not be pleased to find they had hasseled her.
The pair of young adventurers she had escorted, in an uncharacteristically generous move, bartered with the trader and Vayne leaned back on the bench, eavesdropping.
Suddenly a deep, rumbling voice filled her head and Vayne sat forward, eyes glazing over as she listened. Leaving the young sorceress and the assassin in her wake, the storm away - a woman possessed.
Only, that take didn't count. LOL. It was a test, the jerk. Later, Vayne was out with Tara (Raven's little pet, though Vayne isn't aware of the connection - completely anyway, she suspects) and they were approached by a servant of Bhaal. Now Vayne, through her time with Raven and especially during the whole Torm incident, has become a woman of faith. She prays often to Bhaal et cetera. In her heart, whenever she killed something 'in the name of Torm' she was calling to Bhaal. Sooo... after some dicking around he commanded them (this devil prince from Bhaal) to go to the Barbarian fortress in Griffon's Peak and slaughter the entire force. They were to save one barbarian and remove his fingers and tongue, poke out his eyes, but leave him alive. Oh, and carve Tempus in his chest. So, they did as bid. There were celestials around to stop them, which was odd. Still, Vayne kicks some ass (thanks to Raven) and they survived. They did not manage to save one and disfigure him, and the Devil Prince showed up and demanded a sacrifice of blood. He made them choose between each other and Tara told him to 'take her' - meaning Vayne. *chuckle* Vayne just smiled serenely and said that if that was what her Lord wanted, she would obey. So he struck her down. Impaled her on his pitchfork, leaving her alive, and sprayed her blood over the holy ground tainting it. Then he filled her with the darkness. She's half-demon or something now... fierce red eyes that she must hide, and evil nasty scars from the pitchfork... but ooh, it was great fun.
And now I'm done. For its getting late and I must work. Joy.
Hey, if you do read this. You know I love ya, hun. What are friends for, afterall? *sending virtual hugs*
So sayeth Pheenie @ 3:19:00 PM ( 0 comments )
10/28/2004
Dear Lord
I am sad in the middle of the night. *chuckles* Between my sappy music and ... well, my Josie-ness ™ its just a little... er... silly.
And its not even 9 a.m. yet. Too early.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 11:00:00 AM ( 0 comments )
10/27/2004
Deaf Ears
I wish I had some. Was watching VH1 this morning and saw Motormouth. *chuckles* Thank God it'll be cancelled before they get to E-burg on the city list. Because I'm about ten times worse than the worst 'contestant' on this show. I sing, I dance. I talk to myself. I talk to the radio. Oy vey. Its bad.
Ugh, I don't want to go to work tonight and deal with the BS. But, work I must because I need medical attention of various types and damn it, the insurance won't kick in for two months. Bleh.
Dude, you got a Dell and it blows. Someone should have reminded me why I was so desperate to build my next computer in the first place.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 1:12:00 PM ( 0 comments )
10/26/2004
Kiss the Rain
Life is never simple. All I wanted was 'uncomplicated' and all I got is 'more fucked up daily'. Joy.
So to take my mind off my real (hahahahahahah, irony) life (hahahaha, not quite), I went back to Savage Frontier for awhile last night, and again this morning. So boring.
Supposed to be going to buy paint, but Mom's still asleep and I feel like shit (again) so... we'll probably put it off. Darn it. I think I'm going to go sleep for an hour before work.
Bah. I should write. Yes, I'll write. *nod* Maybe post that poem. Elton John and Guns & Roses singing Bohemian Rhapsody. Must be from the Freddie Mercury Tribute... ahh... *sighs*
So sayeth Pheenie @ 3:11:00 PM ( 0 comments )
10/23/2004
And thus Jesus spoke...
Dude, it wouldn't be Heaven without porn!
Yeah, I know its lame, but it makes me giggle (still) so I quote it here. There hasn't been much good stuff @ FunnyJunk lately, but that one line in an otherwise crappy little flash vid made my night a few days ago.
Night....days... oy vey.
I should be working (writing) but I'm a little perturbed. My mother was cleaning and found a bunch of my old stuff. I was a crazy kid. I'm shocked that I ended up as... well, not in prison or something, as I did.
Er, back to the story... found some really interesting little pieces I wrote. Apparently, I used to have a brain. That functioned. It was miraculous! *chuckle* C'est la vie. And I didn't even do anything really fun to earn my braindead status. No drugs, no head trauma from x-treme sports, no thrilling... er, anything. O'well. However, I've found that my brain appears to be re-emerging lately, and that's probably due to all the writing I've been doing.
So yay to that.
Oh yeah, and here's my afore mentioned fugly hair. Enjoy.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 3:01:00 AM ( 0 comments )
10/22/2004
She Always Had A Taste For Dangerous Things
...she did! Really.
Oy... So I'm working on this 50k novel thing - the NaNoWriMo project. I know, its not November 1st yet - but I got itchy fingers today and since I can't obsess about a certain bald-headed freak I decided to get a headstart.
And, I stayed late last night working on the new layout for s-c.com that incorporates the NovelBlog section too. Its ugly, I know. But its simple and should be easily read. (email me if its not - because I just don't have time to test it right now, it was a quickly thrown together layout).
Anyway... I should go shower and get ready to go to Hell. Woo.
Yes, I will be mojo'ing for you. And yes, I am thinking about you. More than is probably healthy for maintaining my cool facade. Tsk. Bad Josie.
I wonder if that package arrived... probably tomorrow.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 3:56:00 PM ( 0 comments )
10/21/2004
In the Pouring Rain...
Ah, I couldn't sleep - after we hung up the last time. I got up and wrote something that should never see the light of day. Then I went back to bed and lay there for ages... I saw the sun come up. It was raining and grey and not that inspiring at all.
Ugh. I signed up for NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) and the NaNoBlogMo (writing a novel via Blogger). So soon there will be a new layout and throughout November I will be cranking out horrible prose. Yay! 50,000 words by November 30th. Should be interesting. But I need to decide which of the things I've been working on I will use. Much as I'd like to revive the Devil's Daughter, this is not the place to do it. And though my post-apocolyptic sketch is fun... I'm still not 100% sure where its going. If I were smart, I'd use this deadline to work on Madaya. Hmm. But that's something else that's too personal for general readers. Hmm. I've got a million projects on the back burners (and the front ones, and dripping over on the counter and... er... yeah). One of them will work.
But, no matter what, there's the Josie. Thinking about ya, praying for ya, and just generally being a freak. I'd apologize, but hey - I'm not exactly sorry.
Yes, I know. You warned me.
And yes, its hard.
But I'm still here.
And, for something completely different. A flashback song... I feel the magic all around you. Its bringing me to my knees. Like I wanna be, I gotta be...
So sayeth Pheenie @ 4:00:00 PM ( 0 comments )
Brown-Black Hair
It looks worse in daylight. Full daylight. Outside the post office in downtown Eburg at high noon.
But c'est la vie. Its staying this way for awhile. Damn it.
I believe I've been put to the outskirts by Emy & Becky & co (again). We shall see. I work with at least one of them tomorrow. So... *shrug*
So sayeth Pheenie @ 1:38:00 AM ( 0 comments )
10/19/2004
Prayer Circle
Okay, maybe not literally. But last night, after we spoke, I did go talk to my Mom. She isn't a big religious zealot or anything... but the two of us prayed for you last night. And I've been mojo'ing and thinking about you and praying all damn morning. *sends the good mojo* Its nearly noon here, so it won't be long now. Damn babe, I have faith in ya! I hope you blow 'em away.
Not... literally. But- er... you know what I mean.
I did stay up last night, playing my Paladin. It was weird to really sit down and rp a guy. I'm pretty sure I did an awful job (hell, the poor s.o.b. could barely look any chick in the eye!) but c'est la vie. Only three people - four maybe - know that C.H. Watterson (Calvin.Hobbes. Author's Last Name, heh :P) is also Lourdan Hazei (aka SporkDork, uncomplicated, Kaiami, Shalisa Whiteoak, - Fiendish -, -Moo-, gwina, er... there are others I suspect, that I just can't remember now. Oooh! little voice. and YouCanCallMeMistress. And TallulahBelle. Hmm. Damn. - darkstar - and... ) ANYWAY... the point is I think only Becky, Emy, Mark & Daniel know its me. So that means I get real rp instead of weird 'why are you playing a guy?' kind of questions. Bleh.
I overslept, so I won't make it to Elaine's to sew with her and Anne today. Damn it. But, I am bound for Tim's later (pray for me, babe, that Jym doesn't try blond. I'll keeeehaul him.). C'est la vie. More time to get a few things ready for the move and such. Oy vey....
[EDIT] Ah, I have just been called and denied my afternoon of gaming and hair color. How... lovely. Why do they wait until literally the last moment before telling me? Grr. At least they didn't stand me up in a public place like Emy. *sighs* O'well... (12:13)[/EDIT]
[EDIT 2] Hah. We're back on, but mercifully for just a short time. Gonna watch Van Helsing or something and see what the master can do for my lovely hair. Damn. Still good mojo'ing babe. (12:55)[/EDIT 2]
So sayeth Pheenie @ 1:38:00 PM ( 0 comments )
10/17/2004
Humanity Decimated
Ahh, such a beautiful thought. Well, a few people can survive. G's allowed. Me. Maybe my mother. Tim, definately. But in general, watching The Day After Tomorrow made me quite happy. It was entertaining, sure. But mostly I liked the part where most of humanity was wiped out. It was only a shame that more of them didn't die. All the southern lands were safe. Boohiss.
In other news... Jym hates my hair (as previously predicted) and has already scheduled me in to 'fix' it. So on Tuesday (if that's my day off) I'll go play Xenosaga with Tim for awhile and dear dear Jym will foil (foil?!) my poor hair. But... he's an artiste! So I'm sure it'll be great... er... better than the mess of nearly black frizz that is currently on my head.
Hmm. What did I do today? I wrote. No really, in between harassing Emily (and being summarily ignored by our friend Mark when his halfling chick logged in...come to think of it, by the hin's player Emily too!) and some other friends. I also cranked up the speakers, singing horrendously, and scared away my neighbors.
The important part was the writing. Not that I got all that much done, but what I did get, I liked. And what I didn't write, but took notes on, I think will be good. So yay to that.
.... More over, I just realized its midnight. I've been home for about an hour now. And no half-drunken phone calls, or aim messages or anything. *chuckles*
Tim and Jym and I had quite a huge talk. Laughter, much laughter. And bickering. Always. But it was a good time overall...
O'well.
I suppose I should go work some more. Make sure my laundry is done for the a.m.... et cetera.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 1:56:00 AM ( 0 comments )
10/15/2004
uncomplicated
Why can't anything be simple? Bah. I had a dream. I won't go into it. It wasn't very pleasant... thank goodness I was clinging to my poor green pillow. Bleh. Anyway.
So I ask the world at large, why is it never uncomplicated?
I'm going for lunch with Emy today. Yay to that. Then ummm... who knows? I'll find something else to do. I always do. We'll see what Becky & a couple girls from work are up to. Deanna & Shela & Sam and the others don't go out as much now though. They all have men. *sigh*
I'm just in the wrong place in my life, I guess.
But I think, that certain things came along when they did for a reason...
[EDIT] Er, what I meant by that last statement, which could be misconstrued, is that that perhaps exactly what I needed at this point in my life is someone to be there for, to care about, and to inspire me to break my hermity shell. And maybe, all that's needed for you is someone to listen, to care. Ya know? Just that regardless of the bleak future, for the moment, there's a reason we're friends. Er. I'll shut up now. [/EDIT]
So sayeth Pheenie @ 12:30:00 PM ( 0 comments )
10/14/2004
No Rest For The Wicked
First off... this. I... I just couldn't... wrap my head... around this.
In other news, SF is back. And everyone is begging me to go back. I logged on for a bit last night, to save all my unplayed 'secret' characters in my local vault so I can get their background info... I want to find an interesting concept to take to ALFA or NF.
I'm not 100% sure I want to go back and play though. The DM'ing is fun on NF. And I do miss RP. But... grr. We'll see. I told Becky & Emy that I'd come back a little bit. ... We'll see.
ANYway... I think I'm going to go log in a bit, see what's up in the game. Either that, or go help Miss Judy move a load of crap out to the new place. Woo. Yeah, probably that. I promised her I'd help her this morning.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 12:58:00 PM ( 0 comments )
10/13/2004
Banana Man
Juno and I prayed last night. Its been awhile, but- well, I prayed and she clawed me. It was spiritual, I tell ya. Spiritual.
Anyway. Looks like another boring day before another night in Hell. Woo. Tim and I are getting together Saturday night, but just to sit in and watch movies. O'well. It gets me out of the house.
C'est la vie.
I created a little elf character - the concept for anyway - that I think I'll play. She's different than most of my quiet, thoughtful, intelligent ladies. But we'll see. I've also got a human male that might be fun. *nod*
My computer is okay - nothing extraordinary, but its nice not to have the same crashes constantly. And I've got most of the old stuff reinstalled. So yeah. I better do the ALFA app today... ack.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 3:00:00 PM ( 0 comments )
10/12/2004
Paranoia
I tried to go to sleep.
Obviously I failed.
But I've been sitting here trying to come up with a new character (and sending Emy music). Either for ALFA or NF. Probably a chick. Though I really would like to play Varic Masak'iir (and little Gaila) someday. He seemed like such a cool character. And the odd little sister shadow-dancer. Mmhmm... *blinks*
But on the plus side, my cat is sleeping with me tonight and yay to that.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 3:58:00 AM ( 0 comments )
10/10/2004
Stop the World!
I wanna get off.
And yes, I mean that in the nasty way. Muahaha...hah..ha...h..a... Er... anyway.
Get to DM on Emy's server afterall. Woo. I have thus far learned how to turn Becky into a penguin and stalk players invisible.
My computer shipped yesterday. Which means, Tuesday? Wednesday? Woo.
I really am a lonely bitch.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 1:56:00 PM ( 0 comments )
10/08/2004
Scarlett Snippet
Author's Note: Let me just preface this by saying that I've spent a couple hours today pulling together all my 'good' files and getting them sorted & backed up for the new machine. I found dozens of old files. Including a 'love' note from The Bastard, but that's a heartbreak for another day. I also found several of the parody stories Tim, Sheri, and I were writing for each other... about each other... et cetera. So here is part of one...By me, natch.
"Go to hell!" She slammed the door in his face, her voice reverberating across the apartment complex. Men! She thought, exasperated. They’re all pigs! All cock and no heart.
"Sheri! Baby please!" His voice rangout from the parking lot. "I am so sorry! Please, she meant nothing to me!"
Growling, Sheri stormed across the living room, throwing open the screen door and stomping out onto the patio. Blue eyes blazing, she glared down at him.
"She meant NOTHING to you?! Then what do I mean? Still less than that?! You would jepordize our relationship to bang a bimbo behind my back? Do I mean that little to you? Bastard!" Her voice was thick with anger and incredulousness.
"No no no baby-girl. Its not like that. I swear!"
"Fuck you Ben. Fuck you. I am sick of your mindgames and bullshit sentiment."
"Sheri, god, you know I love you."
"Goodbye Ben."
"Sheri!"
With a wicked smile, Sheri whirled around, closing the slidng doors behind her. Bastards. Men are all bastards.
And she should know. She’d been around enough.
From her flawless peaches and cream complexion to those impossibly long legs; the kind that seemed to stretch on for six or more miles, Sheri was all woman. And all desireable. Men loved her long, curly locks, framing those deep azure eyes. There was just something about her laugh that drew guys like ants to a picnic. Short men, tall men, strong men, thin men; Sheri had had them all. Successful tycoons and poor boys from the sticks; no man was out the reach of her exquisitely manicured red talons.
Those red nails were her trademark. The salon had even changed the name from Simply Red to Sheri’s Scarlett. Red nails screamed siren, vixen, must-have. All the things Sheri had long since considered herself happy to be called.
Until recently anyway. Ben was just the most recent in a long (and I do mean LONG) line of bad relationships. It had all begun on New Year’s Even 2001. There had been a party. There had been alcohol, a lot of alcohol. There had been one handsome, funny, perfect man. One handsome, funny perfect man and his beautiful, intelligent, impeccable wife. Then there had been more alcohol, much more. And finally, as the clock struck twelve and 2002 began, there had been a vow.
Three years and three hundred men later, Sheri could not remember the details of her promise, only that starting the very next day she had had her nails done in bright red and had never been without a man.
Sheri sat down, tight nautilus rear swathed in a flashy black skirt. She crossed her legs, her eyes falling upon the stylish knee-boots and their six inch heels. She glanced across the room, scrutinizing herself in the mirror.
I loved these earrings when I bought them. She thought, flicking the dangly silver baubles with one finger. As she did so, the large diamond on one of her rings caught the light. This ring meant so much to me at the time. These clothes, this hair. Sheri held her hands out, slowly curling her fingers in upon her palms. These nails. Is that really all I am?
Determination spilling across her lovely features, Sheri strode to the cavernous bathroom suite andrummaged thru the cabinets.
"Yes,"she said aloud, grabbing the polish remover. Soon she had wiped away every last trace of red paint from her long nails. The color was gone, but they were still there; symbols of the woman she could no longer pretend to be. Several snips and a good filing later, her nails were short, barely passing the top of her fingertip.
"Better," she smiled, admiring the effect. "But not enough." Expensive garments flying through the air as she crossed into the bedroom, Sheri threw open the closet doors and pushed past the brand-name miniskirts and sexy lingerie. Reaching for a box of old clothes, things that hadn’t seen the light of day in three years, she felt a strange weight lift from her shoulders. As she climbed into a comfy pair of jeans and old white keds, Sheri sighed.
"Ahh…"
Anyway, bad memories about the chick aside, I thought it was pretty funny when I wrote it a couple years back. This part anyway. The rest got lame and sappy when 'Josie' came into the picture to discuss Sheri's life-change. We'll see what else I can dig up today...
So sayeth Pheenie @ 5:30:00 PM ( 0 comments )
9/28/2004
Torturing Lourdan
I did upload it - since I promised and I haven't uploaded anything lately in the snippets section. But after re-reading it this morning, I'm still unhappy with it. Didn't manage to convey the horror Lour would have felt as she realized who Delius was, or who Vayne (especially her) was... And my shoddy description of Secubant magic is bad... O'well. At this point in the novel, they take subtle control of Lourdan. The spell and carving allow them to watch through her eyes and direct her body - though not her mind, not entirely (they can influence her directly, however - when they plant their daughter Bekah in Lourdan's suite as a maid).
Anyway. Its up.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 1:30:00 PM ( 0 comments )
9/27/2004
Wistful
Packing. And throwing away stuff. Things I've dragged around since... oy vey, all my life in some cases. Its not as painful as I thought it would be. Then again, I'm in a different state of mind lately, than I have been for past moves. For one, I'm single. I don't have stupid Pook to worry about. Although the bastard still owes me eighty fucking bucks. Grr. *ahem* Anyway... I'm in that whole bi-yearly 'restless' phase. Where all I can think about (other than my favorite bald-headed freak) is getting out of here. Getting on with it. Impatient and bitchy, that's me. Yay.
I've got the backseat of my little green car filled with boxes. But I'm not sure why... I don't have much that I plan to take with me. Looking around this laundry room, not much is mine. I already packed my 'decorations' (the candles and the little Chinese couple handkerchief that I love for some reason I can't explain).
Finally got to watch the Live aus Berlin dvd last night. They put on a helluva show - but I figured they would. Heh. Intense. Love. Punishment. Mindless Violence. Tsk. Good stuff. You can't take 'em too seriously, but oy vey. Such flashbacks. Lynders and I sitting in the backyard at her parents' house, staring up at the stars, listening to Sehnsucht and talking. We used to have such insane conversations back in the day... She's one of the few people who really understood my weird spiritual/relgious b.s. And the whole TDD thing, that was the result of our banter... I miss her. I really should look her up again. Last time she got ahold of me was just a few weeks ago. And I think I scared her off because, after three sober years, it was the night I got so f'ing drunk. Remember that night? *chuckles* I wasn't a closed-off cold bitch... temporarily. Must've been nice.
Hmm. I slept in - again. Its getting to be a habit and I'm not happy about that. I prefer to be slightly sleep deprived at all times. Grr. I function better that way.
[EDITED] - Oops. Unintended idiocy removed. My apologies.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 3:02:00 PM ( 0 comments )
9/22/2004
That's...Gonna Cost Ya.
By the way, I think there's something seriously wrong with me. I refer to myself in the third person. I sing all the time. I can't concentrate for very long lately. And anyway.
I babble too much. I'm sorry to the world at large.
Poor Josie... such a good little girl... *mutters to herself*
So sayeth Pheenie @ 3:51:00 PM ( 0 comments )
9/17/2004
One Never Knows...
Its what, 11:30 a.m. on Friday. I've been up for hours, but done nothing constructive with my day. I filled out a MeMe. How exciting. I read awhile. I swallowed a fly (well, it flew into my mouth just as I inhaled. Bastard.).
But I am going to get ready early and run my errands - finally. And I shut down MRBC for real. Which is good. Oy vey.
I think I'm going go find something to do... Hmm, pack maybe. In the next couple weeks we'll be going out to paint and such. I'm almost excited. Not really. Moving blows. And once we're out there, its only a matter of time before I'll be moving again. Always moving.
... I have moved at least ten times since High School. Granted, that's what... six years? That's... uncool. North Bend to Thorp to North Bend to Ellensburg to Ellensburg to Spokane to Ellensburg to Thorp to Ellensburg to Thorp to Ellensburg and soon, back to Thorp.
And then... somewhere else. Hopefully, somewhere far away to start over. Because nothing good is coming out of staying here. I've got my family, and I love them, but... *sighs*
So sayeth Pheenie @ 1:25:00 PM ( 0 comments )
The Onion
So I found this old 'meme' and decided to do it over again, just because... I think a lot has changed since the last time I did it. Prepare for a lengthy scroll down.
Layer One
Name: Josie. Josephine Marie.
Birth Date: May 12, 1980.
Birth Place: Seattle, WA
Current Location: Central Washington
Eye Color: Blue to Blue-Green
Hair Color: Currently, bright carroty-hued auburn.
Height: 5'4"
Righty or Lefty: North Paw?
Zodiac Sign: Moo! ... uh, Taurus.
Layer Two
Heritage: Italian, Irish, English.
Shoes Worn Today: Barefoot.
Weakness: Cheesecake. Cheetos.
Fears: Failure. Snakes.
Perfect Pizza: No such thing. I like weird combinations.
Goals: Lose weight. Publish Madaya. Have children and not fuck them up.
Layer Three
Most Overused Phrase: General stuttering.
First Waking Thought: "...don't...wanna... get... up..."
Best Physical Feature: I've got nice lips, pretty eyes.
Most Missed Memory: The winter I spent playing video games with Tim on the couch.
Layer Four
Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi, I guess. Diet.
McD's or BK: ... I haven't had fast food in months. Wow. I used to be such a junkie. Last time was Jack-in-the-Box.
Single or Group Dates: Single, I guess.
Adidas or Nike: um... generic black boots from Payless Shoes.
Lipton or Nestea: Red Rose brand for Iced Tea. Bigelow/Stash for hot tea.
Chocolate or Vanilla: Mix 'em together and you've got one happy bitch.
Cappuccino or Coffee: Neither.
Layer Five
Smoke: Me? No. Everyone around me? Yes.
Cuss: Sometimes, not at all. Othertimes, every other word.
Sing in the Shower: I used to, constantly. Not so much, anymore.
Shower Daily: Absolutely. Sometimes twice.
Ever Been in Love: Yeah. Stupid Josie.
Liked High School: It had its moments. Some friends were too good to have let go of, others I wish I could forget.
Wanna do College: Been there, done that. Haven't managed to make it back yet.
Wanna Get Married: Eh. We'll see. I'm in no rush.
Believe in Yourself: Not nearly enough.
Motion Sickness: Planes, trains & automobiles? No. The tilt-a-whirl at Six Flags Denver? Well, they're probably still cleaning chunks of my Wendy's fries...
Are you Attractive: Yup. Well, if I were eight tons thinner, I'd be damned cute.
Are you a Health Freak: BWAHAHAHAHAHahah.a....hah...ha...h... Oh, you're serious?
Get Along with Parents: Dad and I were so close when he died I can honestly answer yes (my old diaries would beg to differ). We had some good feuds (Skeeter, I still miss you!). Mom and I have grown more distant lately, but she's still my best friend.
Like Thunderstorms: Oooooh *shiver* Mmhmm.
Play an Instrument: Clarinet, back in middle school. Barry Sax, which I wish I'd gotten to spend more time with. Guitar, for about six weeks back in the day. But... really, no.
Layer Six: In the past month...
Drank Alcohol: Oy vey.
Smoked: No.
Done a Drug: Never.
Made Out: Only in my mind...
Gone on a Date: No.
Gone to the Mall: No.
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: No. But I have eaten an entire bag of Cheetos.
Eaten Sushi: Hmm, no. But I miss it.
Been on Stage: No.
Been Dumped: Umm... no.
Gone Skating: Not since I was like 10.
Made Homemade Cookies: Yes.
Skinny Dipped: No... but it sounds like fun.
Dyed Your Hair: Yeah, five days ago. I hate it.
Stolen Anything: No.
Layer Seven: Ever...
Played 'Strip' Game: Yes. Wacky Army Guys.
Been Extremely Intoxicated: Yes. Once, til I blacked out.
Been Caught In the Act: Christopher and I lived with my mother for months. Yeah.
Been Called A Tease: ... yeah.
Been Beaten Up: No.
Shoplifted: Never on purpose. Walked out with a card in my hand one day, but ran back and apologized feverishly.
Layer Eight:
Age You Hope To Be Married: Umm...
Numbers & Names of Children: I used to want two (three if the first two are of the same sex, but no more than three). Gabriel Lucas and Lydia Judith. But I'm not really sure anymore, that I want kids.
Dream Wedding: ... *shrug* One I don't have to pay for.
How Do You Wanna Die: Before I'm too feeble to remember my kid's names. But not before I get to look down at the world from Space.
Dream College: Was accepted to Whitman, ended up at Central.
Dream Job: Being paid to write.
People You'd Trust With Your Life: ... I have serious trust issues with every person in my life right now. I have serious trust issues anyway, but... yeah. No comment.
Piercings: Two in each ear, one in the upper cartiledge on the left.
Tattoos: None. Commitment phobia.
Scars: My forehead (Mom dropped me on my head as an infant. No smart remarks). Right shin (my first time shaving). Right foot (a piece of glass while cleaning my room). Right ring finger (tin can lid at work).
Regrets: I don't believe in them. But, as I've been reminded lately, I'm still young.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 12:42:00 PM ( 0 comments )
9/16/2004
Just Because
Because I was looking for my latest map of Madaya when I found this. She was being surprisingly patient with the little twat that day, and he adored her. I miss him.
*sigh*
So sayeth Pheenie @ 1:48:00 AM ( 0 comments )
7/31/2004
A Brand New Start
Yes. The Josie has begun a-fresh. New blog, new life, new...well, no...same ol' Josie. But you know you love her ;)
Why am I talking in third person? Ugh, its a bad habit and I oughta break it ASAP. This really won't be very interesting, its just a quiet place for me to ramble. And ramble I do...and will... a lot. Its what I do best. Well, that and- *cough* Nevermind, let's keep this clean.
Ugh, I'm tired. Been coding all night. Waiting on a response from tech support so I can get the whole new set-up finalized and then... *poof* we'll be ready to go.
So sayeth Pheenie @ 3:56:00 AM ( 0 comments )
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